What's the funniest comment you have ever read on dcurbanmom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Fock Chreezemas poster.

This. It was the "Where is Melania?" thread at https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1151591.page

There was a poster who would pose as Melania saying things like: "Kepitileast peeg, you asks what accomplishment I to haff? I yam Top Paid Glamour Companion to thee westirn beezenissmans weeth added benefit of hard-shell plastic mask-face that hold up in all weathers and require leetle maintenances. OK, right now I yam stuck weeth tiny-handed load of sheet (with fat ass like wooman) who cry and scream at night "They send me preezon! I know they send me preezon!" So sad I fall for heese bullshit about having thee monies but like the soul people say theese sistah's got to eat. Weesh luck on to me that i am to find new position as paid companion soon. Fock Chreezemas and fock dee keeds!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does “eagle snafu” mean? Seriously.

It's supposed to be gibberish, that's the point. OP's title was gibberish ("Cabinets! Wolf terrible condition returned. Any suggestions?") so that poster responded in kind.

Someone at NSA is still trying to untangle the coded message in that thread.

[Anonymous]

‘Yep, I stick the bar of soap right up my butt’!
This was regarding a discussion of whether people use washcloths or not in the shower!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well someone over on that crazy acrylic nails thread just said that there are men out there who won't wipe their @$$ because they are afraid it will make them gay or some nonsense like that.

Here, I'll paste the comment:

Acrylic nails are unhygienic, period. But as far unhygienic practices go, it’s definitely not the worst.

There are people who insist on wearing years old make up. There are men who refuse to wipe their butts because they think it’s gay. There are people who don’t wear deodorant. And of course, there are people who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the ven diagram of nasty practices is rarely limited to a single gross habit. That’s where my mind goes when I see acrylic nails…


Wut?

I'm not the person who posted this but I have heard this before somewhere. Like a podcast or something? There are men who are very afraid of their own butts because of homophobia. Some are even told by parents when they are children not to go near their own (or anyone else's) butthole. And then of course for generations homophobia has been rampant among adolescent boys and they instill the fear in one another of being accused of "being gay."

Here it is right here, in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Fock Chreezemas poster.

This. It was the "Where is Melania?" thread at https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1151591.page

There was a poster who would pose as Melania saying things like: "Kepitileast peeg, you asks what accomplishment I to haff? I yam Top Paid Glamour Companion to thee westirn beezenissmans weeth added benefit of hard-shell plastic mask-face that hold up in all weathers and require leetle maintenances. OK, right now I yam stuck weeth tiny-handed load of sheet (with fat ass like wooman) who cry and scream at night "They send me preezon! I know they send me preezon!" So sad I fall for heese bullshit about having thee monies but like the soul people say theese sistah's got to eat. Weesh luck on to me that i am to find new position as paid companion soon. Fock Chreezemas and fock dee keeds!"

Oh $#*&, I should not have tried to read that while eating, I almost choked to death.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the funniest comment you have ever read on here? I'll go first, I don't remember the post title but it was talking about how husbands or boyfriends can't plan anything and someone commented "Tell him you want to have a 3 way and watch the headset and clip board materialize out of thin air. I still laugh about it now. I wish I could find that post. I wish the poster knew I still laugh about it.

Now what's yours?

I remember that thread and comment! 10/10

My favorite is a recent thread by a woman wondering whether she was the only mom who wouldn't order anything at a restaurant, opting instead to finish off her kids' table scraps. Somebody said something like "go to a restaurant with free breadsticks and make a cross out of them."

And another thread about people wearing pajamas to eat free hotel lobby breakfast. Somebody said you need morning dress to eat cereal out of a styrofoam bowl and if you're helping yourself to a Sysco danish you better be in tails and a top hat.

This is one of my favorite lines from a movie from The Ref:

Lloyd: You know what, Mom? You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big, wooden cross. So anytime you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.

"Come down off the cross, we can use the wood." Tom Waits - Come on up to the house, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFrqclcm8pU.

[Anonymous]

I loved this poster’s thoughts about Hilaria Baldwin:

I find her sinister and terrifying. Can you imagine the laser beam focus that her life constantly requires? Don’t eat this, do constant kegels, get pregnant again, never relax, scream at nanny, blow job (and repeat), YOGA!
Redirected, all of that energy could be used to solve national problems or cure cancer, instead, she focused it on looking impeccable in underwear shots and having a million babies with an old guy. Wikipedia says she is only 35, but that can’t possibly be true. I think she is Alexander the Great reincarnated, but also, being punished for past indiscretions, so she ended up with a small, crying fiefdom of a medium successful, older man. Lucky for her, she has access to a camera and the internet, the world’s newest and most effective weapons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing posted so far is remotely funny. The bar is incredibly low here when it comes to humor.

Post the funniest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, not from DCUM, but from anytime in your life.

[Anonymous]

A thread asking what people think the average DCUM commenter probably looks like. Comments included photos of Linda Tripp, a frumpy NY Times reporter (Maggie Haberman), and a pre-ozempic Mindy Kaling. I still randomly chuckle thinking about that thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Fock Chreezemas poster.

This. It was the "Where is Melania?" thread at https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1151591.page

There was a poster who would pose as Melania saying things like: "Kepitileast peeg, you asks what accomplishment I to haff? I yam Top Paid Glamour Companion to thee westirn beezenissmans weeth added benefit of hard-shell plastic mask-face that hold up in all weathers and require leetle maintenances. OK, right now I yam stuck weeth tiny-handed load of sheet (with fat ass like wooman) who cry and scream at night "They send me preezon! I know they send me preezon!" So sad I fall for heese bullshit about having thee monies but like the soul people say theese sistah's got to eat. Weesh luck on to me that i am to find new position as paid companion soon. Fock Chreezemas and fock dee keeds!"

Is DCUMelania also the Trump poser? Very funny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A thread asking what people think the average DCUM commenter probably looks like. Comments included photos of Linda Tripp, a frumpy NY Times reporter (Maggie Haberman), and a pre-ozempic Mindy Kaling. I still randomly chuckle thinking about that thread.

Oh, I missed that one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loved the dress links people were posting on what to wear to a bar mitzvah thread. One was worse than the next, they were clearly messing with the OP, but it got so many worked up.

You're either mocking me OR those who thinks Altar'd State clothes are suitable for any purpose. And that looking "hawt" is an important part of religious observance.

[Anonymous]

From the “Where were you…” thread.

It was a Wednesday, because I remember it was Non-Missionary-Position-Sex day, which I dread.

I was helping plan out posters for the Chevy Chase Club's Ladies' Night Out Manolo Blahnik Spring Trunk Show, when I heard my postal carrier screaming as she was being attacked by my neighbor Fay's black lab.
I ran out to see if I could retrieve my mail before any blood got on it. From under my mail lady's writhing body, I saw a large envelope in a stack of rubber-banded mail destined for my house. I lifted one of her calves and retrieved my mail and glided back into the house. What a thrilling moment.

And the trunk show was a smash.

************************

I laughed for a solid 5 minutes!!

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/1183580.page#26740028

Poster 22:39 - You made me cry you were so funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just today, on a serious thread about whether it was too soon for euthanizing OP's cockapoo, when someone thought it was a bird not a dog.

OMG. I saw that thread and thought it was a bird, too.