In laws say they will not exchange gifts with us adults this Christmas, only kids. I'm sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather get a gift card ... than some trinket or some other clutter.

I get it. You would rather get a gift card so that you can buy something wanted and useful for yourself than have someone give you a gift you don't like or don't need. I get it.

And if you are getting a gift from someone who doesn't know you well at all...a colleague, client, etc. and they are giving the gift out of a desire to recognize their appreciation for you, then that may be appropriate. I am not a fan or exchanging gifts with everyone under the sun out of a sense of obligation, either. I don't give gifts to my friends unless I invite them to my house for Christmas Day. I do give gifts to my child's teachers and other people to provide us a direct service each year, usually a gift card and something small but personal: homemade ornament or bookmark, recipe w/ dry ingredients, box of cookies with a homemade bookmark saying "thanks", etc.

But your parents, your siblings? These are people you USUALLY know and who know you, better than that. You should both make the effort to give a gift that takes time to think about, find or make. You should both be able to find out what the others need and give that. Because this is your family, you could take the time to ask your other siblings or parents for suggestions if you are at a compete loss.

Telling your family that you would rather just get a gift card so you can go out and "buy your own shit", you are contributing to the meaningless commercialism that so many are complaining poisons the holiday. You are indeed saying: it is JUST about exchanging money and buying stuff so lets just do that, ok?

[Anonymous]

OP: I feel you! But it seems to me that your mom and family have built it up into a no win situation. You are just addicted to it. Now your mom wants to forget the whole thing and go on vacation. That was my family. Finally had enough money to spend, but the whole thing was just out of hand. Adults can buy their own presents, or you can just give something small. For myself, by the time I am finished with the obligatory gifts to employees, teachers, post man etc, I am just so finished with the whole mess. NO MORE THINGS! Much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I feel you! But it seems to me that your mom and family have built it up into a no win situation. You are just addicted to it. Now your mom wants to forget the whole thing and go on vacation. That was my family. Finally had enough money to spend, but the whole thing was just out of hand. Adults can buy their own presents, or you can just give something small. For myself, by the time I am finished with the obligatory gifts to employees, teachers, post man etc, I am just so finished with the whole mess. NO MORE THINGS! Much happier now.

What do you mean "addicted to it"? And the vacation isn't a replacement. They have done that for many years, now.

[Anonymous]

PP: not "addicited to it" I mean it has become such a habit, that it is hard to do any other way.

[Anonymous]

I hate, hate, hate all the trappings of Christmas. We have a no adult gifts policy in our family and it has taken off so much stress. Instead, when I see something I want to give someone, I just give it. No reason, no season. So I giving it because I WANT to, not because some arbitrary date on the calendar GUILTS me into it.

[Anonymous]

Grow up, OP. Christmas is for the children.

[Anonymous]

People like this bug the crap out of me. I am all for no adult gifts. SO MUCH HASSLE AVOIDED. And buying gifts for people is so very very uneconomical.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised to see how many people think that gifting adults is too difficult. I agree 100%. Christmas presents are for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rather get a gift card ... than some trinket or some other clutter.

I get it. You would rather get a gift card so that you can buy something wanted and useful for yourself than have someone give you a gift you don't like or don't need. I get it.

And if you are getting a gift from someone who doesn't know you well at all...a colleague, client, etc. and they are giving the gift out of a desire to recognize their appreciation for you, then that may be appropriate. I am not a fan or exchanging gifts with everyone under the sun out of a sense of obligation, either. I don't give gifts to my friends unless I invite them to my house for Christmas Day. I do give gifts to my child's teachers and other people to provide us a direct service each year, usually a gift card and something small but personal: homemade ornament or bookmark, recipe w/ dry ingredients, box of cookies with a homemade bookmark saying "thanks", etc.

But your parents, your siblings? These are people you USUALLY know and who know you, better than that. You should both make the effort to give a gift that takes time to think about, find or make. You should both be able to find out what the others need and give that. Because this is your family, you could take the time to ask your other siblings or parents for suggestions if you are at a compete loss.

Telling your family that you would rather just get a gift card so you can go out and "buy your own shit", you are contributing to the meaningless commercialism that so many are complaining poisons the holiday. You are indeed saying: it is JUST about exchanging money and buying stuff so lets just do that, ok?

I'm not the poster you are responding to, but I support that poster.

I take issue with your last paragraph, though. You see in black and white. For me I explicitly state "Don't buy me gifts!". However if you are compulsive like the OP, then if you must feed your ego then get me a gift card. If you really want to give me a gift, give me the gift of time and offer to watch my kids on a Saturday night so I can see a movie with my husband. Other than that, I have too much shit in my house. I'm in the mode of minimizing my life and hauling stuff out, not stuff in.

[Anonymous]

GROW UP

[Anonymous]

If i was the mother of the OP, I would go on vacation as well and forego the whole christmas dealings altogether. You sound really ungrateful

[Anonymous]

My in laws don't want to exchange gifts but I feel it's how I show I care for them and how they should feel warm and fuzzy inside. But they don't want to. I resent having to travel across the miles to celebrate Christmas and can't get for them unless telling them so they can get me something the whole thing is just Unnatural. shouldn't it be if you don't see family members all year you should get them a little something to show you care???

[Anonymous]

It's posts like these that make me feel better about not having any living family. You people are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws don't want to exchange gifts but I feel it's how I show I care for them and how they should feel warm and fuzzy inside. But they don't want to. I resent having to travel across the miles to celebrate Christmas and can't get for them unless telling them so they can get me something the whole thing is just Unnatural. shouldn't it be if you don't see family members all year you should get them a little something to show you care???

No.

There are plenty of ways to show someone you care. If you're already traveling that is one way. It's "unnatural" to let not exchanging gifts bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just give them their gifts and expect nothing in return. If you truy enjoy gift giving for the giving it should be no problem. I really do not understand your sadness over this. Personally, my life is really busy and I am grateful when I do not need to worry about gifts for a commercialized holiday. We spend the day with family on Christmas and enjoy each others company (the adults that is-I do get my kids a few things). Really, why the need for gifts as a grown up? I really do not get it.

+1