That doesn’t say that it’s as bad as alcohol. It actually says that it often doesn’t cause any problems. I mean, there is absolutely no way. People with alcohol use disorders are a much smaller percentage of the general population and a much larger percentage of people looking for a liver transplant. Alcoholism is a disease that reliably causes end organ damage if it remains untreated. Obesity is not. That’s why you can hardly get life insurance if you have a history of alcoholism, but obesity doesn’t even make your rates go up. |
Pp here. Fair enough. I do live in a bubble. I have seen more than one male friend agonize over his sex drive and attempting to reconcile it with his values and morals. |
NP
I wasn’t born in the U.S. so I don’t understand the obsession with staying faithful Is it the fear of being taken to the cleaners in divorce? Why don’t you cheat smartly? |
Where are you from? |
No. It’s more of a moral thing than a financial one. |
Why don't you tell her? You should be able to be honest with your spouse; even if it hurts their feelings. My husband would never hesitate to tell me. |
I won’t “flame away” OP because you are just being honest.
None of us can ever help what we feel. It is unfair to expect you to. My best advice is to volunteer to help w/the grocery shopping/food prep/cooking. Try out new, nutritious dishes for you + your family to try. Keep a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter & do not buy potato chips or cookies. Try to limit your children as well. And initiate more physical activities that you can all enjoy as a family. An after dinner family bike 🚴 ride or a Saturday afternoon hike are some ideas. But ultimately understand that the decision to actively drop lbs. is your wife’s and your wife’s alone and while you can lead a horse to water (no! Am not saying your wife is a horse!!) anything after that is completely out of your hands. Try to focus on all the good about your wife. However if you still feel zero attraction you may benefit from individual talk therapy w/a therapist to see if they have any solutions to your issue. Good luck! |
I’m around the same age as OP and his wife. I’m 5 pounds heavier than my pre pregnancy weight of 125 so I have gained 5 pounds in 15 years and having 3 children.
Pretty sure Dh feels similarly to me. He is softer but he will probably feel he is not that attracted to me anymore. |
Op why don’t you sit with your wife and talk about your health goals and see what hers are without actively suggesting anything. If she does not want to lose weight and is obese then it’s totally fair how you feel; bc not only are you being asked to be attracted to someone very different in appearance from who you married, but you’re also being asked to tolerate someone risking their health and your family’s wellbeing overall. If she does want to lose weight then you can together set fitness goals and make exercising together part of the marriage, or help each other to carve out the time.
If dh became obese I would not hesitate to sit down with him and discuss it - but prob before it got so bad that I lost all attraction |
Where are you from that the entire country of husbands in particular, are totally cool w/ other men sticking their ***** in their wives? Because even in France, they're not OK w/ that. |
Congrats? Trying being pregnant 10 times in a decade. Hint, I have far fewer than 10 children. I've been pregnant or on fertility med for the last 3 years straight. |
Its a perfectly reasonable expectation for your partner to keep in shape.
Women in general dont want to put in effort once they have someone though. Probably one of the major reasons why lesbians have the higheat divorce rate out of any type of couple |
I don't think that's true about lesbians. Where did you get that stat? |
DP. You are no art historian either, clearly. There's hardly anyone who would call Botticelli's Venus fat, so don't exaggerate. |
I don’t even understand what the PP you are responding to is saying. They gained 5 pounds and are “softer” so he is not that attracted to her anymore? Uh, ok. I would have said - congratulations for marrying someone so superficial. Don’t think most guys are complaining about 5 pounds and natural aging. |