Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

This guy is so full of it. He just doesn’t want to admit he doesn’t pull his weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset if my husband put on like 100 extra pounds for no good reason too. I'd probably divorce him bc I don't find that attractive or want to be associated with someone who is that fat in a daily basis. If it's from like a legit health issue (cancer) different story but I see it all the time: women have kids and then get super fat. I'm a woman and have 3 kids and am still at my thin college weight.

So much for “for better or worse” geez!

[Anonymous]

OP - how does your wife feel about herself? Does she feel good? Great? Sexy? Alive? Very different than she had before? She may “have let herself go” because she is not feeling energized in her life and in her relationship with you. Adore her like the sexual goddess she is and you may be rewarded - and her body size and shape may not even change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

I know you're trying to be empathetic, but I honestly think some people just don't want to be healthy. It takes 2 minutes to open a can of tuna and dump it on a bed of kale.

I love tuna and kale. Have fun being obese!

I like them, too, but together?! This does not sound like a good (or balanced) meal.

[Anonymous]

It's not PC but it's natural. Women feel the same all the time (with their husbands who have let themselves go) as well.
I wouldn't say it out loud but I wouldn't be consumed by guilt OP.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you say something?

Loving couples tell each other these things. Don't fall for the DCUM saboteurs who tell you to always keep criticism to yourself. When it's constructive, and impacts your relationship with your wife, you HAVE to say something.

Also the body-positivity movement is deleterious to our health as a population. No, excess fat is NOT healthy. This is why we have a diabetes epidemic in our country. Overweight and obese people are eating their way to strokes, heart attacks, dementia and diabetes. Their loved ones will suffer the economic fallout (because the US has decided that healthcare should be exorbitant) and the caregiving burden. It's NOT good for them to be told nothing, or be told: "way to go, you're beautiful at any weight!".

So please say something.

[Anonymous]

So much of this is genetic. If her mother and or father were beautiful/handsome older people, odds are she will be too. If she isn’t/wasnt, you had that clue when you married her.

But it sounds like you have your head on straight and are just mourning the passing of time on an anonymous forum. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

I know you're trying to be empathetic, but I honestly think some people just don't want to be healthy. It takes 2 minutes to open a can of tuna and dump it on a bed of kale.

It doesn't matter if you are fat or skinny, when you are old your skin is less attractive, you still have an unattractive stomach it's not pretty, your face has changed.

Being overweight does not make you any less attractive than basic age. At least to people who are superficial.

I'm not dumpling tuna on kale to still be old and unattractive. Bleck, disgusting.

No one is pretending that a 55yo is at their "peak." But to write that aging automatically makes you unattractive is just pathetic and defeatist.

I’m sorry if the truth hurts, but the reality is no matter how thin and in shape you are, you are wrinkly, have cellulite and stretch marks.

But sure pretend skinny is prettier.

Okay you’re a 5 instead of a 4 congrats!

But my weekends are a 10 and your are a 4

[Anonymous]

Of course OP would never admit to acting like a manchild and thereby extinguishing his attractiveness to his wife, and her resulting lack of concern about the condition of her body because she's putting her energy where it might be appreciated - into her kids and her work.

That's the typical pattern I've observed in marriage of family, friends, colleagues and clients - and here on the DCUM board as well as other places on the internet.

Thank you sincerely, OP, for my daily dose of THANK GODDESSES I NEVER MARRIED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

I know you're trying to be empathetic, but I honestly think some people just don't want to be healthy. It takes 2 minutes to open a can of tuna and dump it on a bed of kale.

I love tuna and kale. Have fun being obese!

I like them, too, but together?! This does not sound like a good (or balanced) meal.

It’s gross and lazy. Mix your tuna with something, stop being so boring and pathetic

[Anonymous]

It makes me sad too OP. It makes me sad that as time and life take a toll on our bodies, it impacts our relationships. Esp. men seem to have this fantasy that their wife will be hot forever.

The only advice I can give you is, if you can afford it, try to incorporate healthy eating, maybe some outsourced cooking with a healthy focus (or do it yourself) a gym membership, going to the gym together, getting babysitters, hiking on weekends, etc. into your and your wife's life. Try to emphasize health in the family and perhaps the weight issue will improve.

[Anonymous]

Does your wife ever comment on her weight or wardrobe? If so, this is when you ask her about her goals and how you can help her achieve them.

[Anonymous]

women's bodies change as they age and after kids. If your youngest is 8 she is now in her 40s? Is it realistic to expect a 40 something woman to look exactly like a 25 yo version of herself? Probably not. You will also not look the same as decades go by.

Some people are pre-disposed to weight gain, as women head to peri-menopause there are multiple issues that ultimately result in body changes.

Finally, her food intake maybe indicative of stress. Does she have a stressful job, ailing parents, marital discord with you? Some people eat their stress, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Fat people always talk about not having time to exercise.

Everyone can find a half hour or they’re lying about how they spend their time. (A half hour is not great, but something is always better than nothing).

More importantly, after middle age, diet is the primary factor for normal people who just want to look nice and aren’t striving to be an underwear model. Everyone has time to eat less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and then peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.