Would you date someone of a different race?

[Anonymous]

This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to someone who is of a different race than I am. Neither one ask you what the other person was like, or what they looked like? I definitely would have been curious.

To answer your question-yes-I would and did date someone from a different race.

[Anonymous]

I am biracial, so yes I would. I don't think it is you should've had to ask first if they had a racial preference, but I guess some people still have hang ups on that issue. I think it is weird that they were offended...says a lot about their social mentality.

[Anonymous]

I have always had a thing for nerdy Asian men. My DH is one. He might debate you on the nerdy part, and being a former debate team champ, he may almost persuade you that he is not. But he is nerdy. And I love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

What were their races? Sadly, I have found white people more open and even interested in dating Asian or Hispanic people, but much more closed to the idea of dating an African-American person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm married to someone who is of a different race than I am. Neither one ask you what the other person was like, or what they looked like? I definitely would have been curious.

To answer your question-yes-I would and did date someone from a different race.

They didn't ask. They were both into fitness, and in similar professions. My DH says it was a dumb thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I am white and German (no not by relation, I am from Germany, came here 6 years ago), my husband is African American. We're amongst the first generation of online couples. We never actually discussed our races until much later in our chats (we chatted for 17 months before we met) I knew he was black, but I never found it to be an issue. So, yes I dated someone of a different race and even have children with him It's sad how someone could be offended by this. It did take me some time to adjust to the fact that we are from different cultures and have different historic backgrounds, but I am very aware of it, and so is DH. I think it has actually opened up our minds even further by learning how to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

So far the responses have been from people in biracial relationships- so- I am not in one- and would just know to mention the race or ask if that would be an issue- you just don't know.. and you can't assume they would be open just because you're in a biracial marriage .. everyone is different.. I agree with your DH

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. I am not in a mixed marraige and I have never dated anyone of another race, although I would have not been opposed to it I have always been most attracted to men of my own race and would have been surprised if someone had set me up with a man of a different race but not "offended". I actually find that term bizarre. Why would they be offended? At the very most you'd think they would just be surprised. I have no issue with people either being in a bi-racial relationship or people not wanting to be in one. As long as they aren't judgemental of others, people should be able to make their own preferences for dating.

As far as set-ups go though, I don't like setting people up but I will on occassion. I always let them know if they are of different cultures unless I know from their previous dating history that they wouldn't care. Even then, I would probably describe the other person to them so it would come up if they were a different race.

[Anonymous]

The use of the word "offended" also caught my eye. You may want to reconsider your friendship.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would. I married someone of a different race, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

It sounds like only the "offended" one had a problem. Did the other person that was set up express any offense?

[Anonymous]

I would (well, I would have before I was married). I certainly would not have been offended if someone set me up with someone of another race. I also would never have gone out on a blind date without at least inquiring what the other person looked like -- just out of curiosity!

[Anonymous]

I dated a man from Bolivia, the best sex ever. OMG, I still think of it-often. I'll remember those nights for the rest of my life....sigh...

Anyways, I would never set 2 people up of different races up without making sure that was OK. I don't begrudge someone who only dates in their race, that's their choice and might be what they are attracted to. Being offended is odd though not sure why...maybe this is displaced as something else. He/she might have just been very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

What were their races? Sadly, I have found white people more open and even interested in dating Asian or Hispanic people, but much more closed to the idea of dating an African-American person.

I think in general you can't go wrong by checking whether you are setting someone up within the same race (especially if that is a race different from your own) or with someone of a different race. I don't know if offended is the correct term but I have a friend that has had a lot of boyfriends of a different race. She is African-American and sometimes she feels like a co-worker will try to set her up with a guy just because that is the only guy they know that is African-American. I've had that happen where someone will say "oh don't you think so and so is cute". I've been offended because it has been that "oh YOU would make such a cute couple" not the "man I really want to date him cute" if you catch my drift. Usually if the person truly would want to date him themselves - the guy is cute. Also to follow-up with the openess thing, a different friend and I joke because we have seen many an on-line profile where literally the guy will date every race but black. I mean, it will say open to dating Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, Native American and Caucasian. Everyone has their personal preferences like dating within their religion or dating a guy taller than them, dating blonds or not dating blonds because it would be too much like dating their brother, dating someone older or dating someone younger so I can't knock someone having a preference because on some level we all have that. For me it is definitely height. I'm 5'10 and I wanted a guy taller than me. So of course it drives me up a wall with all the 5'3 girls (including my sister) that only want to date the 6'3 and taller guys! Back the original question - I'm in an IR marriage so of course this post caught my attention. I could however understand the friend maybe not wanting to date someone of a different race in the sense that maybe it would put him or her outside of their comfort zone or maybe he or she has a different look that they are attracted to. I am not sure why they would use the term "offended" - I can come up with lots of theories but maybe you want to ask. Did they feel you were putting them on the spot? Was it like you know I only date X so why would you set me up with Y?