Would you date someone of a different race?

[Anonymous]

I guess for some people race is an issue because it is linked to the associated culture and religion -which as we all know can be a make-or-break point in some relationships.

In college, I had a gal pal who met a guy online only to find out he was at the same college. They had a lot in common, similar personalities, same tastes, etc.
When they finally met in person, she was repulsed to discover he was Indian. I told her it was stupid of her to give up and not even give their relationship a chance, but she insisted that Indian food smells disgusting, the country is dirty, their culture doesn't encourage bathing, their religon is too bazaar, and on and on. - all this stereotyping and false associations.

I don't know...sometimes you can't figure people out.

[Anonymous]

OMG--two of my closest friends are Indian and the way you describe your friend's reaction makes me shudder. How awful. She needs help.

[Anonymous]

I had a girlfriend in college who was white and dated mostly black guys. She went on this one date, with a white guy, and when the white guy found out she had dated black guys, he gave her a crap lecture on racial mixing and left her at the restaurant in disgust. Crazy!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd tell the two blind-daters -- right when I started describing them... the other person is a software engineer, lives in arlington, plays golf, collects bobbleheads, oh and he's Korean. Unfortunately, it's not something you leave out. People don't want to be surprised on blind dates, unless the surprise is that the person is a well-endowed billionaire or something. I didn't know my husband was bald when we first met. I was like, Damn! Thanks for telling me! It wasn't a deal-breaker obviously but not what I was expecting.

As for whether I'd date outside my race, I'm going to go incorrect on this one. I have dated African-American men and in this culture, given the history of racism and discrimination, it is exceedingly difficult. It was honestly, very hard for me. We would have to consider where we went together and we became accustomed to the stares. I can remember walking down the streets of DC and hearing someone utter, "jungle fever" at us and at the college we attended, the black women were downright hostile to me. I am a very low-key, shy person and I personally didn't enjoy the scrutiny that came with it. Also, the baggage of racism seems to become a sticking point. I think, on some level, everyone seeks refuge and understanding in their relationship. I didn't get what it was like to be a black person and there just seemed to be a chasm on so many levels. I've also dated Latin American guys and while I didn't get the same public reaction, there was a gap.

In the end, I'm happier with the nerdy middle-class white guy who grew up watching the Waltons and eating jello molds. We have a shared understanding and a shared culture. It's easier. If my children dated someone of another race, I'd have no problem whatsoever. But at the same time, I'd feel for them because it is a difficult road and I think the divorce rate for interracial couples is an indicator.

[Anonymous]

pp, I have not heard that interracial couples have a higher divorce rate.
Please don't confuse race with culture either. There are many people from the same race that have nothing in common, and many from different races that have tons in common.
I would not ask if it were OK that they are from different races. If the person had a brain, they would assume that it was a possibility, like baldness.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to someone of a different race, but if I were being set up I would still want to know as much about the other person--including racial background, educational background, and presence or absence of hair!

[Anonymous]

Yes, interracial couples do have a higher divorce rate. To wit:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf
Not that this really means much of anything. After all, the odds are pretty damn good a person will get divorced marrying someone of the same race.

Of course, there is a difference between race and culture. I'm not writing my dissertation in sociology here. And I'm not saying a black person can't appreciate the Waltons or that every white person does. I was merely relating my own experiences and speaking very generally.

If the person had a brain? Gee, thanks! Personally, when setting someone up on a date I find out what that person's preferences are beforehand or at least let them know what kind of person they will be meeting. It's called courtesy. We are all attracted to different things and that's OK. And if someone doesn't find freckle-faced Irish-Americans attractive, I'd like my date to be aware of this before I subject them to my company. Let's live in the real world here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd tell the two blind-daters -- right when I started describing them... the other person is a software engineer, lives in arlington, plays golf, collects bobbleheads, oh and he's Korean. Unfortunately, it's not something you leave out. People don't want to be surprised on blind dates, unless the surprise is that the person is a well-endowed billionaire or something. I didn't know my husband was bald when we first met. I was like, Damn! Thanks for telling me! It wasn't a deal-breaker obviously but not what I was expecting.

As for whether I'd date outside my race, I'm going to go incorrect on this one. I have dated African-American men and in this culture, given the history of racism and discrimination, it is exceedingly difficult. It was honestly, very hard for me. We would have to consider where we went together and we became accustomed to the stares. I can remember walking down the streets of DC and hearing someone utter, "jungle fever" at us and at the college we attended, the black women were downright hostile to me. I am a very low-key, shy person and I personally didn't enjoy the scrutiny that came with it. Also, the baggage of racism seems to become a sticking point. I think, on some level, everyone seeks refuge and understanding in their relationship. I didn't get what it was like to be a black person and there just seemed to be a chasm on so many levels. I've also dated Latin American guys and while I didn't get the same public reaction, there was a gap.

In the end, I'm happier with the nerdy middle-class white guy who grew up watching the Waltons and eating jello molds. We have a shared understanding and a shared culture. It's easier. If my children dated someone of another race, I'd have no problem whatsoever. But at the same time, I'd feel for them because it is a difficult road and I think the divorce rate for interracial couples is an indicator.

I am white and married to a black man who is middle-class (wouldn't call him nerdy) and grew up watching the Waltons and eating jello molds. I think you are confusing race with...everything else. Just because someone is the same race as you are doesn't mean they have a shared background, culture, upbringing, or worldview. I'm wondering how long ago your interracial dating experience was. Because we've not had the experiences you describe. And I'm not sure I really get the problem with not understanding what it's like to be a black person. You also don't understand what it's like to be a man. Or from Idaho. Or whatever other differences you and your husband have. I would have married my husband whether he was black, white, or purple with polka dots. He's my soulmate and the most amazing person I've ever met. Still after 15 years. And where are the statistics that interracial couples have a higher divorce rate? I'd be interested to read that study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd tell the two blind-daters -- right when I started describing them... the other person is a software engineer, lives in arlington, plays golf, collects bobbleheads, oh and he's Korean. Unfortunately, it's not something you leave out. People don't want to be surprised on blind dates, unless the surprise is that the person is a well-endowed billionaire or something. I didn't know my husband was bald when we first met. I was like, Damn! Thanks for telling me! It wasn't a deal-breaker obviously but not what I was expecting.

As for whether I'd date outside my race, I'm going to go incorrect on this one. I have dated African-American men and in this culture, given the history of racism and discrimination, it is exceedingly difficult. It was honestly, very hard for me. We would have to consider where we went together and we became accustomed to the stares. I can remember walking down the streets of DC and hearing someone utter, "jungle fever" at us and at the college we attended, the black women were downright hostile to me. I am a very low-key, shy person and I personally didn't enjoy the scrutiny that came with it. Also, the baggage of racism seems to become a sticking point. I think, on some level, everyone seeks refuge and understanding in their relationship. I didn't get what it was like to be a black person and there just seemed to be a chasm on so many levels. I've also dated Latin American guys and while I didn't get the same public reaction, there was a gap.

In the end, I'm happier with the nerdy middle-class white guy who grew up watching the Waltons and eating jello molds. We have a shared understanding and a shared culture. It's easier. If my children dated someone of another race, I'd have no problem whatsoever. But at the same time, I'd feel for them because it is a difficult road and I think the divorce rate for interracial couples is an indicator.

I am white and married to a black man who is middle-class (wouldn't call him nerdy) and grew up watching the Waltons and eating jello molds. I think you are confusing race with...everything else. Just because someone is the same race as you are doesn't mean they have a shared background, culture, upbringing, or worldview. I'm wondering how long ago your interracial dating experience was. Because we've not had the experiences you describe. And I'm not sure I really get the problem with not understanding what it's like to be a black person. You also don't understand what it's like to be a man. Or from Idaho. Or whatever other differences you and your husband have. I would have married my husband whether he was black, white, or purple with polka dots. He's my soulmate and the most amazing person I've ever met. Still after 15 years. And where are the statistics that interracial couples have a higher divorce rate? I'd be interested to read that study.

I agree pp. And if there is a difference in divorce rates, are they comparing the same demographics? Race is not a factor to a lot of people, culture matters more.

[Anonymous]

I definitely would date someone of a different race, but I do think it would have been good to tell the people you were setting up about them being different races. some people aren't as open-minded, and I could see where it could be a shocker to go on a blind date to meet someone you totally didn't expect.

I've met people who wouldn't date outside their religion and/or race. people have their reasons, no matter whether we understand them.

[Anonymous]

I would date someone of a different race, my concerns are more with similar values and religion (although I am not a very religious person). But if I was setting someone up with a person of another race, I would surely disclose it just as other attributes like height etc.

[Anonymous]

This might seem strange, but I would be surprised if someone set me up with someone of the same race. I generally have dated people of different backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

What were their races? Sadly, I have found white people more open and even interested in dating Asian or Hispanic people, but much more closed to the idea of dating an African-American person.

you see the same thing with adoption, Asian, OK, but black, no way.

[Anonymous]

Like other posters, I have known many people who will only date those of a certain race, and not necessarily of their own race. There are some people who have a very set type to whom they are attracted.

It wouldn't matter to me if I was set up on a date with someone of a different race, religion or culture. My husband is actually of a different race, religion and culture. The cultural differences are sometimes harder to work with, despite his insistence that he is Americanized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm married to someone of a different race, but if I were being set up I would still want to know as much about the other person--including racial background, educational background, and presence or absence of hair!

Most of my life I've been in interracial relationships. I really don't like that term, but that's the current word to describe this.

I've also heard of people going on blind dates to find out that their date was in a wheelchair. The other half of the date was taken aback because they were not ready for it. In uncertain situtations such as a first meeting in a blind date, with all the other mental anxieties going on in your head, you want to be mentally prepared. I'd feel uncomfortable to find out my blind date was grossly overweight, like 500 lbs. That's the primary message.