Would you date someone of a different race?

[zumbamama]

I have seen beautiful men, women and children in every shade of every culture, every religion, every mixture. I love to learn customs from each person I meet and think I am so blessed to have the chance to share cultural experiences with people I encounter everywhere, especially here in DC. I think the idea of interracial relationships is desensitized more and more with each generation, and hundreds of years from now we'll all be the same color, or pretty close. I am half Filipino, half white, DH is Cherokee and white. I have Japanese, Spanish, Scottish, Irish, German, Filipino, Chinese, African American blood running through the veins of my extended family tree. Spiritually, we are comprised of Catholics, Buddhists, Baptists, Protestants, Daoists and Unitarians in my family. People can connect on so many other levels other than race. I can't see excluding anyone of friendship or love due to ethnic origin, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

I'm of hispanic descent- look not american but not dark skinned- dated latin men- a complete mismatch since they are too sexist for my taste (man rules approach- I became too americanized i guess)- and that's my own background.. i also dated one jewish person who told me he could never be serious with me since i wasn't jewish.. i was best friends with an african american (not my only african american friend- but he was my best friend) who told me that african american women hated when white women (though many don't consider me white since i look latin/european- something but not blond and blue eyed) dated african american men - and at one point avoided hanging out with me (at grad school- we were best friends in high school) since the women would get mad.. My parents grew up in an era where my dad said negroes, my mom grew up in a country where 99% where white and catholic..

I ended up marrying a caucasian that had european decent (like 1/2 of me) - but it was our education/thinking etc, that made it work.. but honestly- the cultural biases within the people i met from other religions, cultures, races also made anything long term just seem not workeable.. I also met purely american men who loved that i wasn't a typical looking or acting american woman - but had difficulties thinking long term since they were just brought up in the US- middle america..

biases are everywhere- the biases you encounter do shape you into just avoiding dating certain profiles since it leads to complications (aka- not marriage potential).

[Anonymous]

PP here- MIL has issues since she's from the old germany- she made statements like our kids were the only kids that weren't blond and blue eyed- one of his sister with one kid who looks greek gave this ??? expression- and said what? then his mom said when they were born- ALL of her kids are dark haired (including her)- 2 our of 4 have brown eyes..

ANNOYING- but cannot change crazy old woman

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, not to hijack...but it is related. If you are someone who would NOT date outside of your race...would you care if your son/daughter/relative did?

The honest truth?

Yes, if it were an African-American. Call me what you want (I don't think I am). Flame away. But that's how I feel. Sorry.

I appreciate your candor and I am not flaming you. It makes me sad though. This is true of lots of people. Again, it saddens me.

I feel the same way. My parents thought like you did, until they met my husband. Now they could care less that he is African American. So maybe you will change your mind as well if your child happened to find his/her one true love with an African American.

saddens me too. I broke it off with an African American man in college because of parent's racist attitude. None of my friends cared. Nobody at work cared. Only my parents...and I resented them for a long time.

My in-laws did not care for me, for years, because I am white. I learned to cook Korean foods, and learned a little Korean, and over time, they have grown to accept me.

My own parents were very excited, I was in love, and they assumed my children would be as stunning (which they are).

I never ceased to be amazed how the Asian - Caucasian mix consistently turns out stunning children. I'm white. DH is Asian-American. No doubt stunning baby is due in December! Grandparents on both sides are about to explode with anticipation.

my children are half white half asian...one looks 100% white, the other 100% asian.

One of mine is more white looking, and the other is mostly Asian looking. They both have hazel eyes and brown hair, which I am sure will turn out darker.

My cousin has ten children who are half Asian half White, and each and everyone one of them is just beautiful. At our family reunions, many cousins think my children are hers, which I find to be a great compliment.

my kids are both mixed with blue eyes and curly hair. African American/Caucasian. They always get attention from people on the playground, mostly positive.

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I am black and have always interracial dated. Some of my friends even call me an "equal opportunity dater". I once dated a guy of south american origin, but he looks white. Anyway, he had never interracial dated and was always asking me questions about what my family would say if they found out we were together. I have to admit it annoyed me a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, not to hijack...but it is related. If you are someone who would NOT date outside of your race...would you care if your son/daughter/relative did?

The honest truth?

Yes, if it were an African-American. Call me what you want (I don't think I am). Flame away. But that's how I feel. Sorry.

I appreciate your candor and I am not flaming you. It makes me sad though. This is true of lots of people. Again, it saddens me.

I feel the same way. My parents thought like you did, until they met my husband. Now they could care less that he is African American. So maybe you will change your mind as well if your child happened to find his/her one true love with an African American.

saddens me too. I broke it off with an African American man in college because of parent's racist attitude. None of my friends cared. Nobody at work cared. Only my parents...and I resented them for a long time.

My in-laws did not care for me, for years, because I am white. I learned to cook Korean foods, and learned a little Korean, and over time, they have grown to accept me.

My own parents were very excited, I was in love, and they assumed my children would be as stunning (which they are).

I never ceased to be amazed how the Asian - Caucasian mix consistently turns out stunning children. I'm white. DH is Asian-American. No doubt stunning baby is due in December! Grandparents on both sides are about to explode with anticipation.

my children are half white half asian...one looks 100% white, the other 100% asian.

One of mine is more white looking, and the other is mostly Asian looking. They both have hazel eyes and brown hair, which I am sure will turn out darker.

My cousin has ten children who are half Asian half White, and each and everyone one of them is just beautiful. At our family reunions, many cousins think my children are hers, which I find to be a great compliment.

my kids are both mixed with blue eyes and curly hair. African American/Caucasian. They always get attention from people on the playground, mostly positive.

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

I have no idea why. I actually have just two friends who are in mono-racial relationships, all of my other friends are white women married to black men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

i think you know why, but you feel it's unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

i think you know why, but you feel it's unfair.

I'm not PP, but I agree that the white/Asian mix seems more "accepted" than any other mix. I think a thorough answer would require a doctoral thesis. But I think the short answer is that Asians in America have generally assimilated better than blacks or hispanics. I'm not saying that's a good thing. But I do think that may explain in part this phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my DH had to really stand his ground to be accepted into my Asian family. Grandbabies changed everything.

my dh is white and i'm asian. it's been 5 years and unfortunately he still doesn't feel accepted by my parents. it's not that they really excluded him per se, but that kind of sense is always there... and it puts me in a difficult position considering that my parents live in the area and often provide babysitting. they adore our child but still treat dh with some distance still. i wouldn't say the entire reason is because he's white, but his being white definitely adds to the sense of difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

i think you know why, but you feel it's unfair.

I'm not PP, but I agree that the white/Asian mix seems more "accepted" than any other mix. I think a thorough answer would require a doctoral thesis. But I think the short answer is that Asians in America have generally assimilated better than blacks or hispanics. I'm not saying that's a good thing. But I do think that may explain in part this phenomenon.

asians are tended to be seen as the "model minority"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

i think you know why, but you feel it's unfair.

I'm not PP, but I agree that the white/Asian mix seems more "accepted" than any other mix. I think a thorough answer would require a doctoral thesis. But I think the short answer is that Asians in America have generally assimilated better than blacks or hispanics. I'm not saying that's a good thing. But I do think that may explain in part this phenomenon.

asians are tended to be seen as the "model minority"

Generalizations and stereotypes (good or bad) are a huge part of the problem. For example, asians are not necessarily seen as the "model minority" by the teachers and administrators at the high school where my sister teaches as they take workshops on the outbreak of asian gangs and related gang violence.

[Anonymous]

I am recently divorced and again dating. I've decided to expand my universe, and over the last few months have had dates with men from every race and ethnic background imaginable. I now ask myself why I didn't do this earlier. It might have saved me from that bad marriage!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It sounds though as if the Asian/American mix is more "accepted" than the White/African American mix. Especially if the mom is white and the dad is black.

Why is that?

i think you know why, but you feel it's unfair.

A few of my black female friends would say that you're dipping into their "pool," leaving them with less water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a strange experience. I set two people up for a date, and they are of different races. It was a complete failure. One person said that I should have asked if he would be open to dating a person of another race. That took me by surprise. He should have known that I could have set him up with anyone since I am in a mixed marriage. I think he used the word offended.
I don't think that I should have had to ask first(?). That to me is weird.
This will be the last time I set anyone up. I think these two would have hit it off if they had been more open. Their loss.

What were their races? Sadly, I have found white people more open and even interested in dating Asian or Hispanic people, but much more closed to the idea of dating an African-American person.

you see the same thing with adoption, Asian, OK, but black, no way.

I am biracial -asian/white married to a white guy and I would TOTALLY adopt a black baby. . .my parents, however would have a heart attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my DH had to really stand his ground to be accepted into my Asian family. Grandbabies changed everything.

my dh is white and i'm asian. it's been 5 years and unfortunately he still doesn't feel accepted by my parents. it's not that they really excluded him per se, but that kind of sense is always there... and it puts me in a difficult position considering that my parents live in the area and often provide babysitting. they adore our child but still treat dh with some distance still. i wouldn't say the entire reason is because he's white, but his being white definitely adds to the sense of difference.

I'm the opposite of this, with me being Caucasian and DH is Asian. Do you find that language has played a role; so, does your DH speak your family's language (presuming there is a non-English language in the family)? Somewhat classically, having a language barrier I find makes it difficult communication wise, but can be dealt with if people are patient, at least try to learn some of the partner's language, etc.