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Curious - are there several disruptive children in your kid's class, by chance?
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Anonymous
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DS is concluding year 3 at a private school in/around NWDC. Candidly, I am amazed at the number of children in his class who exhibit ongoing, daily behavior challenges. Beyond normal young-kid fidgets, please trust me on this point. Please.
Until now I tried to keep a compassionate attitude about the situation. No child asks to have poorly managed ADHD that gets him in "trouble" every day. However I am now fed up with the overall dynamic because it affects my son's ability to learn; the ratio of attention-intensive kids to total kids is way too high. I am curious as to whether this situation is more common than I realized in selective private elementary schools in NW DC+ Sidwell/Norwood/Potomac LS. Anyone care to be completely honest on that point? Did we just stumble into a fluke bad lineup here? |
Anonymous
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People choose privates for a variety of different reasons and one is that they think their DCs will benefit from a more being in a small class (and/or having more teachers in the classroom) than they'd find in their local public. And a subset of these parents believe that because their DCs are, for whatever reason, a handful.
In privates whose key selling point vis a vis publics is class size (vs. different curriculum, facilities, social status), it's not surprising to see a disproportionate number of such kids. |
Anonymous
| I have a completely opposite take from PP. I have had kids in a DC private for over 5 years. The types of children you are describing are usually weeded out during the playdate portion of the application process (its why there is that part). Those who still manage to gain admission are either "taught" (forced) to learn better behavior by the school or held back (at the PK/K transition) or counseled out. My elder child's class has shed a few of these types of children over the years and strictly enforces good behavior for those who are newer to the school. My younger child's class has 2-3 of these types and they have repeated meetings and "interventions" with the kid and his/her parents, even giving parenting lessons. Either the child improves or they leave. It is one of the benefits of going to a private school - fewer behavioral issues that disrupt learning. Also, if these behavioral issues stem from learning differences and/or other needs, a priavte school is usually better at determining this need and seeing it is addressed either within the school or at a faciity better equipped to help the child. |
Anonymous
| Private schools do not generally have the resources to assess special education needs. |
Anonymous
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OP - You've voiced your concerns in this post very objectively and kindly. I would take the same concerns to the division head and see how they respond.
As PP said above, one of the benefits of going to a school like the ones you listed is that YOUR child also has his/her needs addressed and is given the best learning environment possible. Give the school a chance to better the situation by communicating with them. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| We are in a VA private that has both Pre-k and K and continues on....they weed them out. The children moving on to first grade have no major disruptive issues. The school weeded out a couple last year and this year. |
Anonymous
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There were a few in my older kid's class and now by mid-elementary school there are none that actually disrupt the class, but some that still have major issues that the teachers have to deal with (but that do not interrupt learning for others).
In my younger's class there are 2 or 3 and I expect that their actual disruptiveness will abate as they grow up as I saw in my older kid's class. |
Anonymous
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Teacher here...
You should approach the teacher first, but always keep your comments focused on YOUR child, not the others. Say that you are concerned that your kid isn't getting the necessary attention and support because the teacher seems stretched too thin. You are worried that the load is too much and that your child's needs aren't being met. Not only will this likely put you and the teacher on the same side of the issue (if they do feel overstretched) but it avoids you coming off as whining about someone else's kid, which a teacher can't talk to you about anyway. |
Anonymous
| Also, they may push you up the food chain to admin. When I had an overwhelming class, many parents voiced similar concerns. I told them that I felt confident in my ability to meet all kids' needs (I'm simply not allowed to say, "You're right... we're screwed here") but if they were concerned, they should speak to admin. I went to admin on a near daily basis with my own concerns, which weren't addressed. But once parents spoke up, additional support was arranged for. So, if the teacher responds that way, don't assume they are just blowing you off (they might be, but probably not!). |
Anonymous
This may have been true 10 years ago, but believe me when I say that the economic downturn has affected EVERY private school. They don't have the luxury of "weeding out" kids like they may have in the past. And, out of necessity, they are casting a much wider net in terms of applicants. |
Anonymous
I assure you, admissions has not decreased, at least not at our school nor, do I think, at most in the area Also, many of the current families are very well-off. The economic downturn has barely caused in ripple in Washington, even less so in the "upper economic echelons." Have you not been reading the economic news? Check out the piece the NYTimes about the lack of a housing bubble in DC. |
Anonymous
| Wow "weeding out" children -- and in kindergarten, no less?! What an offensive concept. Is it just the parents who think this way or the teachers and administrators as well? |
Anonymous
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I think it may be important to distinguish between LDs and ADD or ADHD, and kids who are just out of control and generally lacking in discipline.
I don't mind the former, the LD and ADD/ADHD kids - it seems to me that part of the mission of private schools is to deal with kids who need smaller class sizes. Those weren't my kids, but it didn't bother me. But there were several of the latter, the out-of-control kids, the kids whose parents never discipline them, in our private elementary. And it seemed that school didn't want to discipline these kids because in one case, the kid was part of a large family that had gone through the school, and in other case, the parents were big donors. I think that sometimes private schools fail to discipline the out-of-control kids too, maybe to a lesser extent than publics, but it's still there. |
Anonymous
| Parents of a "difficult" child would probably be very interested in the personal attention and small class sizes offered by a private school. After all, don't you have friends who say things like: "I'm kind of worried about so-and-so, we think he'd do better in a more nurturing environment."? Often (not always) this is code for - my kid is trouble. |
Anonymous
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OP, same experience at two different privates up through 8th grade! The teachers were uniformly in agreement with our children's reports and were sympathetic but, I think, felt helpless. Both schools lost families as a direct result of the disruptive students but not enough to ask the families to leave. In one case, my 4th grader (at the time)would take a day off here and there to get a break --- the teacher was told this and understood. The disruptive students tended to be bright and academically strong which I assume protected them. However, there was one who was a struggling student and the mother practically lived at the school volunteering and bringing in baked goods for all occasions. The child did not have a friend in the building and I would have moved to a new school for that reason alone. But they must have decided (or known as a result of applying elsewhere) that no other school would accept them. I felt sorry for them but it was unfair to the students and the teachers.
Obviously we stick/stuck it out since we are happy with many other aspectsbof the schools. On the upside, sometimes children can learn from a bad example and ours certainly never want to be talked about the way the disruptive children were discussed by their peers. |