Curious - are there several disruptive children in your kid's class, by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a small handful of disruptive boys in my child's classroom. From what I've observed, the parents are the problem. Way too many "boys will be boys" platitudes. In fact a mother of one of these little darlings went so far as to say "he's so competitive" when her son was on one of his typical rampages.

We saw this in our school. From European parents, no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a small handful of disruptive boys in my child's classroom. From what I've observed, the parents are the problem. Way too many "boys will be boys" platitudes. In fact a mother of one of these little darlings went so far as to say "he's so competitive" when her son was on one of his typical rampages.

We saw this in our school. From European parents, no less.

A major part of this problem is that schools are not designed to meet the developmental needs of young boys (and many girls). These children are labeled as behavior problems or worse because the expectations are not developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] A major part of this problem is that schools are not designed to meet the developmental needs of young boys (and many girls). These children are labeled as behavior problems or worse because the expectations are not developmentally appropriate.[/quote]

I think this is true. As the mother of three girls, two of whom went to single-sex schools from K and one who went to mixed-sex school through 5th. The girls had different personalities and one really enjoyed the company of boys from an early age so she went to a different school. That was great through 3td grade but then the boys became a problem for her. 4th and 5th grade were not good. Suddenly most of the boys were unhappy and disruptive. She was baffled by the loss of "her friends." We moved her after 5th grade and she's happy in the single sex environment.

In hindsight, I don't think the school was welcoming to the boys. It was tolerant but that's different and I think the boys felt it. I don't know enough about the developmental difference between the sexes to offer a solution other than the solution we chose: single sex education.

[Anonymous]

kids are kids. If one child takes all of the teachers attention, then the teacher is incompetent. Children are supposed to participate in class.
But they are kids so they do not know when to stop. That is why there is teacher training.
Of course when the brat is a child of well-connected wealthy types, then the only thing the teacher can do is plead and beg. That certainly does not work.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are children coming from very, very different neighborhoods/communities than what one finds in upper NW where these schools are located. At the younger ages, the vast differences between what they see by day at school and what they are surrounded by on evenings/weekends, creates some very understandable stress. They are living in two worlds. And this stress has to come out somehow. The schools have missions to improve everything, good for them, but this is a collateral outcome. Better that this be said than just charging every stressed 5 year old with ADD, etc.

[Anonymous]

PP here - yes,yes, many of the troubles come with/from kids from families who could live anywhere and who have plenty of resources/safety etc.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure about what others have posted, but I agree with the sentiment that kids are kids. I also think expectations of what kids should act like at certain ages widely differs. Your threshold for disruptive behavior may be very low or very high depending on what you expect from kids. I think the fact that parents from several different schools have posted in this thread with a similar complaints indicates to me that these behaviors are actually normal kid behavior, and that you see it all over. The difference to me, is how well does your teacher handle such children. I have seen various levels of success from year to year at my kids school. AND I have seen formerly disruptive kids mellow out and be fine as they age.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's the school's fault.

My oldest son went to a very nice private school last year. He is 2E. We were very clear with them about his needs (language disorder) and his strengths (profoundly gifted in math and spatial reasoning). The school assured us that they could accommodate both his delay and his giftedness.

They were mistaken. They didn't have the slightest idea how to deal with a child like this. He was bored and disruptive. They knew how to work with smart kids, but they've never had a profoundly gifted kid. They had very little experience with language disorders. Conferences did nothing to correct the situation. They refused to follow the advice of our psychologist on how to deal with the boredom and the bad behavior. They refused to follow the advice of our speech therapist on how to redirect him so that he could understand what the correct social behavior is. It was a disaster of a year.

I'm very sure that our family was the subject of a great deal of negative gossip by other parents and that my son was characterized as a bad influence and my parenting skills were described as poor. We're aware. We were working out butts off, though, with no understanding from the school community. Horrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is concluding year 3 at a private school in/around NWDC. Candidly, I am amazed at the number of children in his class who exhibit ongoing, daily behavior challenges. Beyond normal young-kid fidgets, please trust me on this point. Please.

Until now I tried to keep a compassionate attitude about the situation. No child asks to have poorly managed ADHD that gets him in "trouble" every day. However I am now fed up with the overall dynamic because it affects my son's ability to learn; the ratio of attention-intensive kids to total kids is way too high.

I am curious as to whether this situation is more common than I realized in selective private elementary schools in NW DC+ Sidwell/Norwood/Potomac LS. Anyone care to be completely honest on that point? Did we just stumble into a fluke bad lineup here?

You seem very nice, I wish more parents would look at the situation like this.

[Anonymous]

Our ADHD child was "weeded" out from a school mentioned on this thread.
The school made the right decision.
Long story short, DC was diagnosed with an ASD the following year. Now, at yet another new school, it's amazing how the disruptive behavior has all but disappeared once we got the right "fit."

[Anonymous]

OP, Parents can only work on problems brought to their attention. This is how we know what to focus on with children and what their actual school needs are. I would be devastated to learn you were talking about my child here before hearing it from the school. It is painful enough learning here DC isn't welcomed by the parents with pitchforks committee. Maybe the HOS can help you because it is in both "sides" best interests. Please understand children with disabilities have legal protection, even in private schools, to a lesser extent.

[Anonymous]

Sorry...what is ASD?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP, Parents can only work on problems brought to their attention. This is how we know what to focus on with children and what their actual school needs are. I would be devastated to learn you were talking about my child here before hearing it from the school. It is painful enough learning here DC isn't welcomed by the parents with pitchforks committee. Maybe the HOS can help you because it is in both "sides" best interests. Please understand children with disabilities have legal protection, even in private schools, to a lesser extent.[/quote]

I don't think OP was talking about children with disabilities. I wasn't. Some of the most disruptive students are the brightest students. The owrst cases my children have encountered are disrespectful kids who try to control the classroom discussions and challenge the teachers.

[Anonymous]

I'm 19:37 and I wasn't referring to LD kids either. It's the kids with family problems at home who seem to act out the most.

[Anonymous]

At our school many of the disruptive, disrespectful kids seem to have everything except adequate attention or boundaries. These kids and parents are a nightmare all around. Many of the worst offenders love to chair committees and write checks - and in return, they expect their kids to be untouchable - and the kids know it.