Curious - are there several disruptive children in your kid's class, by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of a "difficult" child would probably be very interested in the personal attention and small class sizes offered by a private school. After all, don't you have friends who say things like: "I'm kind of worried about so-and-so, we think he'd do better in a more nurturing environment."? Often (not always) this is code for - my kid is trouble.

Possibly quite true. But that doesn't make it OK for the school to put up with this behavior, and to subject other kids to this behavior. And yet, our school pretended to ignore the disruptive, as in difficult not LD, kids.

[Anonymous]

19:51, are you the OP? I agree that it is not right for the school to put up with that type of behavior and find myself in a similar situation (also finishing year 3 at a school you mention.) The administration is well aware of the problem and doesn't seem to want to deplete the class further. However, if the school's actions don't change by mid-Fall, we will look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I wonder if we're at the same school and if we should gather enough like-minded parents to approach the administration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is concluding year 3 at a private school in/around NWDC. Candidly, I am amazed at the number of children in his class who exhibit ongoing, daily behavior challenges. Beyond normal young-kid fidgets, please trust me on this point. Please.

Until now I tried to keep a compassionate attitude about the situation. No child asks to have poorly managed ADHD that gets him in "trouble" every day. However I am now fed up with the overall dynamic because it affects my son's ability to learn; the ratio of attention-intensive kids to total kids is way too high.

I am curious as to whether this situation is more common than I realized in selective private elementary schools in NW DC+ Sidwell/Norwood/Potomac LS. Anyone care to be completely honest on that point? Did we just stumble into a fluke bad lineup here?

Sounds a lot like the school my child attends. For whatever reason, the administration continues to offer contracts to these children. What I've come to learn is that while it's a school, it's also a business. The market for private schools has softened and schools can no longer be as selective. If you can write the check, there's a good chance they'll take you. A few of the most disruptive children are from extremely wealthy families and I think the school is afraid to lose them and their donations to the annual fund. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

21:28 and 20:23, I am 22:36 and the more I think about it we probably are at the same school...

[Anonymous]

and would that be LOWELL KINDERGARTEN? for the win, ding ding ding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and would that be LOWELL KINDERGARTEN? for the win, ding ding ding.

Nope- not me... I am 21:36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in a VA private that has both Pre-k and K and continues on....they weed them out. The children moving on to first grade have no major disruptive issues. The school weeded out a couple last year and this year.

This has been my experience as well with dc's VA private. They will work with children if their parents are trying to address the problem (some don't seem to care to try), but they will counsel out children who continue to be disruptive in class.

[Anonymous]

I have just learned through this thread that I'm the parent of a weed who should be discarded because we are still working on helping our ADHD child, who has made great strides but is still not perfect.

My child has consumed a lot of the teacher's time. But so have the ones who can't read, the ones who struggle with math, etc. . . Do you have the same callous attitude towards those kids?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I have just learned through this thread that I'm the parent of a weed who should be discarded because we are still working on helping our ADHD child, who has made great strides but is still not perfect.

My child has consumed a lot of the teacher's time. But so have the ones who can't read, the ones who struggle with math, etc. . . Do you have the same callous attitude towards those kids?[/quote]

I would not characterize the disruptive children as ADHD. Some of the disruptive behaviors I hear about include: witty but harsh commentary throughout the day directed at classmates and teachers; talking/singing to themselves in class, even while tests are being given; wandering in and out of the classroom; constantly arguing with teachers and classmates; repeatedly raising extraneous issues in attempt to get the class off topic; not doing homework and offering up crazy excuses; talking disrespectfully to adults; refusing to comply with teachers request to talk privately outside of class; angry outburst if things go awry. To me this is just bad behavior. And I would agree that some of the famlies are on the wealthier side of wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a completely opposite take from PP. I have had kids in a DC private for over 5 years. The types of children you are describing are usually weeded out during the playdate portion of the application process (its why there is that part). Those who still manage to gain admission are either "taught" (forced) to learn better behavior by the school or held back (at the PK/K transition) or counseled out. My elder child's class has shed a few of these types of children over the years and strictly enforces good behavior for those who are newer to the school. My younger child's class has 2-3 of these types and they have repeated meetings and "interventions" with the kid and his/her parents, even giving parenting lessons. Either the child improves or they leave. It is one of the benefits of going to a private school - fewer behavioral issues that disrupt learning. Also, if these behavioral issues stem from learning differences and/or other needs, a priavte school is usually better at determining this need and seeing it is addressed either within the school or at a faciity better equipped to help the child.

This may have been true 10 years ago, but believe me when I say that the economic downturn has affected EVERY private school. They don't have the luxury of "weeding out" kids like they may have in the past. And, out of necessity, they are casting a much wider net in terms of applicants.

I assure you, admissions has not decreased, at least not at our school nor, do I think, at most in the area Also, many of the current families are very well-off. The economic downturn has barely caused in ripple in Washington, even less so in the "upper economic echelons." Have you not been reading the economic news? Check out the piece the NYTimes about the lack of a housing bubble in DC.

But even "well-off" families would be counseled out if their kids were not a good fit for a particular school. It is much more rare now, and money is a big part of it. If you don't believe that, you're fooling yourself.

[Anonymous]

PP here, and I will also add, a "lack of housing bubble" has absolutely nothing to do with the economic realities of many privates, especially the ones with big endowments. When stocks are going down, their endowments take a huge hit. Housing prices don't mean a hill of beans.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have just learned through this thread that I'm the parent of a weed who should be discarded because we are still working on helping our ADHD child, who has made great strides but is still not perfect.

My child has consumed a lot of the teacher's time. But so have the ones who can't read, the ones who struggle with math, etc. . . Do you have the same callous attitude towards those kids?[/quote]

I would not characterize the disruptive children as ADHD. Some of the disruptive behaviors I hear about include: witty but harsh commentary throughout the day directed at classmates and teachers; talking/singing to themselves in class, even while tests are being given; wandering in and out of the classroom; constantly arguing with teachers and classmates; repeatedly raising extraneous issues in attempt to get the class off topic; not doing homework and offering up crazy excuses; talking disrespectfully to adults; refusing to comply with teachers request to talk privately outside of class; angry outburst if things go awry. To me this is just bad behavior. And I would agree that some of the famlies are on the wealthier side of wealthy.[/quote]

First, I'm not sure what sense any of this makes in the context of PreK/K (off topic? homework?), which is the period after which, a number of posters seem to have claimed, the "weeding out" is accomplished. Secondly, much is this description is in the eye of the beholder (both in terms of how it is characterized and in terms of whether it's "disruptive" to or part of education). I wouldn't be sure that, for example, the teachers' or administrators' perspectives on what's happening match your DCs'. Finally, I wonder how you can tell whether an angry outburst is "just bad behavior" vs. a symptom of ADHD.

You can find "sit down, shut up, and obey" educational institutions if you look for them, but that's not what many good schools aspire to be, which may explain why their tolerance level and yours -- for children who question, disagree, move about, or whistle while they work, so to speak -- are out of sync. Obviously, if your DC needs a less busy environment in order to focus, a school that doesn't "weed out" kids who exhibit such behaviors, may not be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:51, are you the OP? I agree that it is not right for the school to put up with that type of behavior and find myself in a similar situation (also finishing year 3 at a school you mention.) The administration is well aware of the problem and doesn't seem to want to deplete the class further. However, if the school's actions don't change by mid-Fall, we will look elsewhere.

Hi I'm 19:51. I'm not the OP. Nor is my kid at Lowell. I guess a lot of us have this problem!

[Anonymous]

NP here. We almost left our school (not Lowell) for the same reason, but now I'm glad we didn't. I think it's partly a business decision to keep these kids, but also partly an administrative decision that these are kids that can be helped, and the school doesn't want to give up on them--they take a longer view and realize that the kids are going to grow out of these behaviors (with the right help from the school and parents) and end up contributing something to the school community. It is frustrating when troublesome kids are ruining your own child's experience, but now that my son is older, I am already seeing that the admin was right in telling me to be patient.