Anyone else graduated college directionless and with no social network?

[Anonymous]

You feel abandoned by everyone in your life?!

Oh please.

You have a house over your head. You are an adult with a college degree. You only have yourself to blame if you dont have a job. Go teach or babysit. It's not your social network that is failing you. It is your insistence that ykur social network should provide for you.

[Anonymous]

You need a vision for your life. Don’t think in terms of passions or qualifications, but rather, what is the world missing or need more of that that I can contribute towards? Get outside of yourself and find a way to help people/the world. I’m not talking about volunteering, but a life direction that has meaning for you. Once you have an idea, do informational interviews with alumni in that area. Read about it. Take any role related to it. Throw yourself at it. Magic will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a vision for your life. Don’t think in terms of passions or qualifications, but rather, what is the world missing or need more of that that I can contribute towards? Get outside of yourself and find a way to help people/the world. I’m not talking about volunteering, but a life direction that has meaning for you. Once you have an idea, do informational interviews with alumni in that area. Read about it. Take any role related to it. Throw yourself at it. Magic will happen.

Same poster here. From your background, it’s obvious that you are smart and a hard worker. CS is hard enough to get through if you’re motivated, but you did it while unmotivated! Your lack of proactiveness at your internship just reflected your apathy toward CS, not you. Once you find something that means something to you, you will work hard and be productive.

[Anonymous]

Can you do a business analyst type of job? There are light coding involved but not full on development work and you get to talk to different teams.
Happy to connect, we happen to be hiring in DC area.

[Anonymous]

You are young. Go do something crazy with your life -- you could look into teaching English overseas via the JET program or just find a job in a Chinese language school. Or a language school in Europe. You won't make much money but it might be what you need to shake up your life.

[Anonymous]

1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Find which states will let you be a teacher with a BS and a teaching cert. Maybe do that. Maybe it will inspire you to teach or maybe it will inspire you to go back and get a chiller desk CS or program management job and do a creative arts hobby.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you enjoyed Europe…can you do an extended program there? What about business analyst positions?

[Anonymous]

Just saying that the world hasn’t grabbed you yet, dear. Please be open to all the positive options out there for your future, not just the negative ones.

I came from a family that is wonderful, but just fearful and risk-averse. There’s a depressive sound in your words that could use a physical outlet and some examination. Maybe light meditation or yoga would guide you through this period?

I agree with previous posters that looking for a short term opportunity in teaching or volunteering might put you on a positive path. If can be spun to the doctor family members in your life as pre-grad school resume building, but it’s time to find what excites you without judgement, internal or external. Good luck and remember to love and have faith in yourself!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the suggestions. I will especially look into teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

OP here. This is really interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what about my writing suggests autism to you?

[Anonymous]

In addition to everything everyone else has said, join a running club for now. It will give a little structure, exercise is good for mental health, and the weak ties will help you feel less alone. And with no promises, someone might know someone who has a cousin who has a company who is hiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you enjoyed Europe maybe try moving there and doing a grad program there.

I was thinking this too — or maybe a program abroad to teach English somewhere. If you start looking around Facebook there are many groups dedicated to this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

OP here. This is really interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what about my writing suggests autism to you?

NP here. I also suspected high-functioning autism from your post. The tip off for me was how self-centered and self-absorbed your post seemed. Me, me, me. I, I, I. One long post about you, and nothing about how other people have helped you or how you can use your education to help others or serve the world.

A lack of empathy and an intense self-focus is often a sign of autism. Or a personality disorder. Or, in your case, most likely both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

OP here. This is really interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what about my writing suggests autism to you?

NP here. I also suspected high-functioning autism from your post. The tip off for me was how self-centered and self-absorbed your post seemed. Me, me, me. I, I, I. One long post about you, and nothing about how other people have helped you or how you can use your education to help others or serve the world.

A lack of empathy and an intense self-focus is often a sign of autism. Or a personality disorder. Or, in your case, most likely both.

Young adults can be this way sometimes. Older people forget that.