Anyone else graduated college directionless and with no social network?

[Anonymous]

OP - I suggest you get a lower stress job that takes advantage of your CS skills that's not a big tech company.

For example, look into a 2nd tier economics consulting firm that does data analysis. CS skills are very useful, and you might be able to land a job there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about national service programs, like AmeriCorps/AmeriCorps Vista? They don’t pay a lot, but I think they give a small stipend plus a lump sum at the end that can be used for educational purposes.

Something like that could give you time to figure out what you want to do, while helping others in the community.

This is a solid suggestion. We host AmeriCorps volunteers and are open to hiring them if they do a good job (public health). They often form friendships with the other volunteers that lead to lifelong social networks and marriages. They usually love the experience and often leverage it into a career, or at the least learn team building, resilience and coping skills. Peace Corps could be another transformative option. Great resume builders too. The alum networks for these programs are powerful.

Peace Corps will screen out anyone with untreated mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a unique voice and sound like a character in a movie. Could you be a writer, or create something driven by your life and perspective?

That’s what I was thinking. OP, if nothing else, you are an excellent writer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

OP here. This is really interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what about my writing suggests autism to you?

NP here. I also suspected high-functioning autism from your post. The tip off for me was how self-centered and self-absorbed your post seemed. Me, me, me. I, I, I. One long post about you, and nothing about how other people have helped you or how you can use your education to help others or serve the world.

A lack of empathy and an intense self-focus is often a sign of autism. Or a personality disorder. Or, in your case, most likely both.

Oh please. OP is telling her story.

An intense self focus describes most college age people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a unique voice and sound like a character in a movie. Could you be a writer, or create something driven by your life and perspective?

That’s what I was thinking. OP, if nothing else, you are an excellent writer.

OP is not an excellent writer. An excellent writer has emotional intelligence and considers all points of view. OP is just a covert narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Your therapist cannot diagnose you with anything. You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist who does evaluations, tell them what the therapist said, and seek a formal evaluation, then go from there if they find something. The reason I say this is that the therapist could be way off. You could have autism, for example. From the way you write, it's a definite possibility.

2. People with mental health disorders have a harder time of it, OP. You have to be resilient and persevere. My college freshman has autism, ADHD and low processing speed. He has no friends in high school and has so far made none in college. Despite my explanations and exhortations, he has no clue how to make friends or network. This is going to hurt him in both his professional and private life!

3. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. This is the most unpleasant trait of many people with mental health disorders. My son hasn't done it very much so far, because he's young and was born with a very sweet nature, but I've noticed it in many others, including my husband, who is also on the spectrum. No, it's not the fault of others. Since you probably have some neurodivergence, I don't even want to say it's your "fault". It just IS, you have to live with yourself, try to improve, and find joy and fulfillment in your life.

4. Force yourself to get out of your basement, stay off the worst parts of the internet and volunteer for others who have more troubles than you. The people with mental issues who isolate themselves end up developing extreme views and hurting others or themselves. Don't be that person.

5. Best of luck.

OP here. This is really interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what about my writing suggests autism to you?

NP here. I also suspected high-functioning autism from your post. The tip off for me was how self-centered and self-absorbed your post seemed. Me, me, me. I, I, I. One long post about you, and nothing about how other people have helped you or how you can use your education to help others or serve the world.

A lack of empathy and an intense self-focus is often a sign of autism. Or a personality disorder. Or, in your case, most likely both.

Oh please. OP is telling her story.

An intense self focus describes most college age people.

It describes most 18 year olds, but NOT most 22 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently a senior at a “prestigious” state flagship (think UVA, UMich, Berkeley, etc). My time at college has been pretty miserable, and I don’t have anything to show for it.

I graduated high school in May of 2020. High school was a bad experience; I moved in the middle of high school from the DMV to the Mountain West, and I made no friends at my new school during my junior and senior years of high school. During March of my senior year of high school, the pandemic hit. I was relieved that things like prom and graduation and senior week were cancelled because I had zero friends to do any of those things with. I don’t talk to anyone from high school, or from my childhood at all for that matter.

My freshman year of college started in September of 2020. It was entirely online. I was in my parents’ house the whole time and took remote classes. Not fun. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I came to my college's campus for the first time. As soon as I hit campus, I rushed a sorority because my older sister went to the same big state school I went to and had a very positive experience in a sorority. But I neglected to consider that my sister and I are very different people — she’s much more of a conventional “sorority” girl than me. I dropped my sorority at the end of my sophomore year because I was a terrible fit for Greek Life. None of those girls continued to talk to me afterwards.

My junior year of college started in September of 2022. I got in a serious relationship with a wonderful guy who dumped me at the end of the year because I “have a lot of baggage” and am “too alienated and disconnected to be joyful around.” I’m really sad about this because this guy was a really emotionally intelligence and caring guy. I also spent all of my (very limited free time) around my ex-boyfriend and his friends, and when he dumped me this past May, I was left with no social life or close relationships.

This past September was the beginning of senior year of college. I was abroad this past fall, which I really enjoyed, but it didn’t lead to any permanent friendships or relationships (my abroad program had very few American college students and I spent most of my time with Europeans and the locals which I thoroughly enjoyed). Technically, this is my last semester of college, but I graduated back in December because I had enough AP credits to graduate a semester early. I've been at home since Christmas, and I haven't talked to anyone from college in the meantime.

I really grinded my sophomore and junior years of college in a difficult major I had absolutely zero interest in (Computer Science), which I was only able to complete thanks to a cocktail of Adderall and Vyvanse I bought from a dealer (I don’t have ADHD but I have some inattentive ADHD tendencies). I hate CS and programming, but my parents forced me to pick a “lucrative” major. I hated the idea of pre-med, and I didn’t want to do Business/Econ/Finance (my sister was in the business school at my college and works in consulting, and I know I wouldn’t fit into that culture at all or find the work interesting), so I just chose CS because it seemed like my only option (even though I loathe STEM). While I somewhat resent my parents for forcing me to choose among a limited set of majors, I understand why they’d do this — they grew up below the poverty line in dying industrial New England towns and were among the few people from their rural hometowns to make it out.

This past summer, I interned at a tech company as a software engineer that paid me pretty well (the company is maybe one step down from a FAANG in terms of prestige). However, I didn’t get a return offer because my manager told me that I didn’t take initiative and could only complete my deliverables when micromanaged. I don’t disagree with this — my apathy for all things CS-related really just made me jaded towards the whole internship and I definitely slacked off.

I've been at home living in my parents' basement for the past three months, essentially just sending blank applications for post-grad jobs into the void. I've sent over a hundred so far, but to no response. I have no friends from college or high school who can vouch for me. My parents are doctors, so they can't really help me out either. I feel like I have no way to really get an "in" into any job. I don't even know what type of job I'd want in the near future -- I hate CS/tech/STEM, but it seems like all I'm really qualified for.

I feel abandoned by everyone in my life. My parents, teachers, and professors all told me that "a degree in CS from Berkeley/UVA/UMich is worth its weight in gold," but I feel extremely disconnected from whatever is supposed to make me happy in my twenties. I ran cross country and rowed crew in high school, which taught me how to endure painful situations and keep pushing myself past my limits. I adopted this mindset with me in college as well -- it was the only way to get through a difficult degree at a big, competitive flagship where I had no friends. But maybe I'm at my limit when it comes to enduring and pushing. I feel really disconnected from everything.

Even my therapist dumped me, saying that I have Borderline Personality Disorder and telling me that I need to find a therapist who specializes in BPD.

I don't know. Maybe this site can tell me to suck it up and get my shit together. Maybe you guys can tell me that I should do more introspective navel-gazing. I don't know. I'm so lost. I feel like I'm drowning.

Lame troll post.

Stay on the relationships board with your fake YA troll posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a unique voice and sound like a character in a movie. Could you be a writer, or create something driven by your life and perspective?

Lame sock puppet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently a senior at a “prestigious” state flagship (think UVA, UMich, Berkeley, etc). My time at college has been pretty miserable, and I don’t have anything to show for it.

I graduated high school in May of 2020. High school was a bad experience; I moved in the middle of high school from the DMV to the Mountain West, and I made no friends at my new school during my junior and senior years of high school. During March of my senior year of high school, the pandemic hit. I was relieved that things like prom and graduation and senior week were cancelled because I had zero friends to do any of those things with. I don’t talk to anyone from high school, or from my childhood at all for that matter.

My freshman year of college started in September of 2020. It was entirely online. I was in my parents’ house the whole time and took remote classes. Not fun. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I came to my college's campus for the first time. As soon as I hit campus, I rushed a sorority because my older sister went to the same big state school I went to and had a very positive experience in a sorority. But I neglected to consider that my sister and I are very different people — she’s much more of a conventional “sorority” girl than me. I dropped my sorority at the end of my sophomore year because I was a terrible fit for Greek Life. None of those girls continued to talk to me afterwards.

My junior year of college started in September of 2022. I got in a serious relationship with a wonderful guy who dumped me at the end of the year because I “have a lot of baggage” and am “too alienated and disconnected to be joyful around.” I’m really sad about this because this guy was a really emotionally intelligence and caring guy. I also spent all of my (very limited free time) around my ex-boyfriend and his friends, and when he dumped me this past May, I was left with no social life or close relationships.

This past September was the beginning of senior year of college. I was abroad this past fall, which I really enjoyed, but it didn’t lead to any permanent friendships or relationships (my abroad program had very few American college students and I spent most of my time with Europeans and the locals which I thoroughly enjoyed). Technically, this is my last semester of college, but I graduated back in December because I had enough AP credits to graduate a semester early. I've been at home since Christmas, and I haven't talked to anyone from college in the meantime.

I really grinded my sophomore and junior years of college in a difficult major I had absolutely zero interest in (Computer Science), which I was only able to complete thanks to a cocktail of Adderall and Vyvanse I bought from a dealer (I don’t have ADHD but I have some inattentive ADHD tendencies). I hate CS and programming, but my parents forced me to pick a “lucrative” major. I hated the idea of pre-med, and I didn’t want to do Business/Econ/Finance (my sister was in the business school at my college and works in consulting, and I know I wouldn’t fit into that culture at all or find the work interesting), so I just chose CS because it seemed like my only option (even though I loathe STEM). While I somewhat resent my parents for forcing me to choose among a limited set of majors, I understand why they’d do this — they grew up below the poverty line in dying industrial New England towns and were among the few people from their rural hometowns to make it out.

This past summer, I interned at a tech company as a software engineer that paid me pretty well (the company is maybe one step down from a FAANG in terms of prestige). However, I didn’t get a return offer because my manager told me that I didn’t take initiative and could only complete my deliverables when micromanaged. I don’t disagree with this — my apathy for all things CS-related really just made me jaded towards the whole internship and I definitely slacked off.

I've been at home living in my parents' basement for the past three months, essentially just sending blank applications for post-grad jobs into the void. I've sent over a hundred so far, but to no response. I have no friends from college or high school who can vouch for me. My parents are doctors, so they can't really help me out either. I feel like I have no way to really get an "in" into any job. I don't even know what type of job I'd want in the near future -- I hate CS/tech/STEM, but it seems like all I'm really qualified for.

I feel abandoned by everyone in my life. My parents, teachers, and professors all told me that "a degree in CS from Berkeley/UVA/UMich is worth its weight in gold," but I feel extremely disconnected from whatever is supposed to make me happy in my twenties. I ran cross country and rowed crew in high school, which taught me how to endure painful situations and keep pushing myself past my limits. I adopted this mindset with me in college as well -- it was the only way to get through a difficult degree at a big, competitive flagship where I had no friends. But maybe I'm at my limit when it comes to enduring and pushing. I feel really disconnected from everything.

Even my therapist dumped me, saying that I have Borderline Personality Disorder and telling me that I need to find a therapist who specializes in BPD.

I don't know. Maybe this site can tell me to suck it up and get my shit together. Maybe you guys can tell me that I should do more introspective navel-gazing. I don't know. I'm so lost. I feel like I'm drowning.

WTF is up with these long long fake outrageous superfluous posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a unique voice and sound like a character in a movie. Could you be a writer, or create something driven by your life and perspective?

That’s what I was thinking. OP, if nothing else, you are an excellent writer.

OP is not an excellent writer. An excellent writer has emotional intelligence and considers all points of view. OP is just a covert narcissist.

+1

Yes, I was thinking narcissist as well. Many people with severe NPD end up as failure to launches. OP exhibits many of the traits -- entitlement and a lack of empathy being the most apparent.

[Anonymous]

How's it going?