Vent from a very pregnant lady on the Metro
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Anonymous
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I'm 7 months pregnant and took the metro yesterday during rush hour to downtown dc. I work from home, so I'm not usually on the metro but I am quite frustrated and annoyed with the other passengers on my ride.
Given that it was rush hour, the car was crowded and there were "no" seats to be had. I placed the no in quotes because technically there were empty seats but people placed their shopping bags/purses next to them or were using an entire seat as a chaise lounge with their feet stretched out to the end, leaving no room. So I had to stand very visibly pregnant without a single person moving their legs or bags to make room. I was especially annoyed with the several people closer to me towards the front of the car who I made eye contact with and never moved their bags or legs, including someone who looked to be an able-bodied adult male. Is chivalry or polite gestures this dead? I'm not looking for over-the-top accommodations, but I assumed it would be the polite thing to move your things or feet and make room for a pregnant lady. I recognize that I could have asked passengers to move their bags or legs, but I take placing bags on seats - and especially using a seats as your leg rest - to be hostile acts and I hate confrontation. I just thought it was polite and standard practice to make all seats available in any situation, but ESPECIALLY when a rider is very obviously pregnant. Sorry for the rant (blame it on the pregnancy hormones) - I was just very disappointed with the lack of manners displayed on that ride. Has anyone else experienced this or do passengers usually make room for pregnant ladies? |
Anonymous
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I think you have to ask, OP.
I had two incredibly energetic pregnancies in my 20s and 30s, and never needed to sit down more than at any other point in my life, but if I were to become pregnant now in my 40s, then heck yes I would ask for that seat! |
Anonymous
| Stop standing (ha!) on ceremony. "Could I sit there?" is all it takes for people to move their bags. Be assertive. |
Anonymous
| Use your words like an adult. "Can I sit here?" People most likely weren't paying any attention to you. |
Anonymous
^ People did offer me seats, that usually I refused. I think it also has to do with how you show. I was thin with a GINORMOUS sticky-outy belly, and there was no way people could unseen it  Once I was stopped in the Trader Joe's *in my second trimester* and told by an older woman that I had to go to the hospital immediately because I was about to pop.
Maybe you don't show much, especially on a cold day like today if you're wrapped up? |
Anonymous
| If I’d been on the train I would have gotten up for you! ~ middle aged fat woman |
Anonymous
| In my experience it varies. But some people are afraid to assume anyone is pregnant. |
Anonymous
| Let me help you here. Literally all you have to do is say excuse me may I sit there please. That’s it! And like magic, you will have a seat. |
Anonymous
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Using a seat for bags is very rude if the train is standing room only.
People on the Metro couldn't care less about allowing those with additional needs to sit, though. I am quite frequently on crutches, either underarm or forearm, and occasionally use a walker, so my disability is quite visible. Even when I've explicitly asked to be given a seat, I have been turned down. Some people who give explanations might be being truthful (such as, "I too have a disability and need to sit, but my disability is Invisible"),`but others just say no, ignore me, or intentionally turn the other way. Some of those who are seated might have a need to sit, and it's no one else's business what their need is. However, not offering a seat to someone just so you can stretch out or have a place for your bags is very rude. |
Anonymous
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I have been there 3x - and yes, it's annoying. Especially when the able bodied people rush to get on and take the handicapped seats. The non-able bodied people have to stay back in the rush and make sure they don't get injured!
That said - you should definitely get over asking people to move their bags. If you get desperate and don't feel well - just say - I'm pregnant and not feeling well, is there anyone who wouldn't mind giving me their seat, and someone will get up or ask the conductor. Once I did that but it was in NYC. Once, I was 9 months pregnant and literally fought with a man with one leg over the seat - I wanted him to have it, and he wanted me to have it - and no one else observed that and got up! I made him take it in the end. Once a homeless guy asked me if I wanted him to ask people to give me a seat - it's funny/interesting to see who cares if pregnant people have seats or not. |
Anonymous
| People don't want to offend others by assuming a woman is either pregnant or overweight. So, they don't say anything, and might have assumed a pregnant woman would ask for a seat. |
Anonymous
It's neither rude nor presumptuous to move your bag into your lap. |
Anonymous
I wasn't talking about the bag/streched leg people. I meant the people in just one seat. |
Anonymous
| OK, think of it this way: how many months in your life you are going to be 7 months pregnant? Not many at all. So maybe instead of taking a crowded metro you can take an Uber for now. Think of it as on investment in your and your baby’s wellbeing. |
Anonymous
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It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.
It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it. |