Vent from a very pregnant lady on the Metro

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been there 3x - and yes, it's annoying. Especially when the able bodied people rush to get on and take the handicapped seats. The non-able bodied people have to stay back in the rush and make sure they don't get injured!

That said - you should definitely get over asking people to move their bags.

If you get desperate and don't feel well - just say - I'm pregnant and not feeling well, is there anyone who wouldn't mind giving me their seat, and someone will get up or ask the conductor. Once I did that but it was in NYC.

Once, I was 9 months pregnant and literally fought with a man with one leg over the seat - I wanted him to have it, and he wanted me to have it - and no one else observed that and got up! I made him take it in the end.

Once a homeless guy asked me if I wanted him to ask people to give me a seat - it's funny/interesting to see who cares if pregnant people have seats or not.

There are some homeless people that were raised with manners.

[Anonymous]

It’s because everyone is looking down at their phones. They don’t notice you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

only one quibble! my children had to give up their seats for the elderly, the pregnant, disabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's common curtesy to move your bags onto your lap to open up the seat next to you once the train or bus reaches standing room only. No one should have to ask and it shouldn't be something that is only done when someone with a physical disability is present.

It is also curtesy, though not common these days, to get up and give your seat to a child, a parent with their young child, an elderly person, someone who is pregnant, someone with an obvious physical limitation like crutches. You don't have to say anything to call it out. Just get up and make the seat available. If the person doesn't want it, then they won't take it.

only one quibble! my children had to give up their seats for the elderly, the pregnant, disabled.

Fair enough! I was picturing a younger kid who is too big for a parent to hold easily but not big enough to be smart about holding on. Bigger kids or teens? I would also encourage mine to give up their seats to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't want to offend others by assuming a woman is either pregnant or overweight. So, they don't say anything, and might have assumed a pregnant woman would ask for a seat.

It's neither rude nor presumptuous to move your bag into your lap.

I wasn't talking about the bag/streched leg people. I meant the people in just one seat.

It is not hard to just get up and move to another spot. I actually have a freaking disability myself that results in horrible balance, but would always move if I saw someone elderly/with small kids/a cane, whatever. It's not hard.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah, next time I'll suck it up and ask someone to move their bags. I just thought that was standard practice to do so without someone have to go out of their way to ask - I know I do once trains get crowded and I'll try to avoid taking the metro the rest of the pregnancy - not worth the stress and crowds.

Also, I'm a small person everywhere else apart from what I think is a giant belly but in the age of smart phone attachment realize some people could have not noticed, but I doubt that's true of the people close to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I took Metro a good bit when pregnant. By far the first people to jump up and offer me a seat were young African American teens. (I am not AA). They wouldn't ask, they would just very politely hop up and usher me right into their seats. I loved each and every one of them and blessed the parents and grandparents who taught them beautiful manners.

One time a lady almost pushed her husband out of his seat so I could sit. But if it wasn't school dismissal time or tourist season with a lot of southerners, then I either stood or had to ask.

[Anonymous]

Just say “excuse me, could I sit there?”

I don’t get the problem

[Anonymous]

I would never put my bag on a seat during rush hour, but you stewing over this when you could have just asked is really silly.

Use your words!

[Anonymous]

No bags on seats if there are people standing. That's just clueless.

The kid who has slouched over the seats and has feet up, I might not want to tangle with because that clearly is being aggressive, almost hoping someone will say something.

And I often ask people if I can sit down if there is a smidge of room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I took Metro a good bit when pregnant. By far the first people to jump up and offer me a seat were young African American teens. (I am not AA). They wouldn't ask, they would just very politely hop up and usher me right into their seats. I loved each and every one of them and blessed the parents and grandparents who taught them beautiful manners.

One time a lady almost pushed her husband out of his seat so I could sit. But if it wasn't school dismissal time or tourist season with a lot of southerners, then I either stood or had to ask.

I think tourists are nervous and don't really know the rules, and frequently subways (I'm in NYC) are intimidating. I've only ridden the Metro once, while I ride the subway all the time, all over, I found myself a little intimidated on the DMV Metro because I really didn't have a good idea of where I was. Same in Paris on the Metro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using a seat for bags is very rude if the train is standing room only.

People on the Metro couldn't care less about allowing those with additional needs to sit, though. I am quite frequently on crutches, either underarm or forearm, and occasionally use a walker, so my disability is quite visible. Even when I've explicitly asked to be given a seat, I have been turned down. Some people who give explanations might be being truthful (such as, "I too have a disability and need to sit, but my disability is Invisible"),`but others just say no, ignore me, or intentionally turn the other way.

Some of those who are seated might have a need to sit, and it's no one else's business what their need is. However, not offering a seat to someone just so you can stretch out or have a place for your bags is very rude.

+1 my friend broke his leg when he was in his 20s. White guy, otherwise healthy looking, but was on crutches with a broken leg. He took the subway (nyc) to work and no one ever offered him a seat. Not once. People are the worst

[Anonymous]

It’s always been this way. At some point an older woman usually offers. It’s rarely the men who literally don’t see you (or anyone).

Welcome to noticing what it’s like to be in need on public transportation.

[Anonymous]

They just thought you were fat and didn't want to offend you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s always been this way. At some point an older woman usually offers. It’s rarely the men who literally don’t see you (or anyone).

Welcome to noticing what it’s like to be in need on public transportation.

Oh I forgot to add. Ask someone. It’s one of the rare times you can really gain some leverage with the spreaders.

Always use your voice instead of waiting for someone else to notice.