DH wants me to cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow the kink shamers are out in force today. OP, do what you’re comfortable with and feel free to draw clear lines about your boundaries regardless of your husband’s preferences (eg, be clear that you’re absolutely not and never will be interested in getting with another man in reality), but you don’t have assume as PPs suggest that your husband is sick or queer or addicted to porn or planning to leave you.

It's not a fantasy that a healthy, well adjusted man would be so invested in, to the point of overlooking or even getting off on his wife's discomfort.

What is healthy and well adjusted?

There isn’t a definitive definition of that. Is it unhealthy? Maybe is well adjusted enough to allow his wife as much pleasure as she wants as long as they stay married. That lifestyle isnt for me, but I am not going to call someone unhealthy or judge them because of it.

Not even judge them for "to the point of overlooking or even getting off on his wife's discomfort?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I like to talk about another man being involved and sometimes use sex toys to pretend. I don’t want to be with another man (we’ve always been monogamous and I don’t want to risk our relationship) but he knows it’s a huge turn on for me when we talk about it which then turns it into a turn on for him too.

The nuns on this board think you are a ho. Anything but missionary is a kink. And indulging in every kink will get you to hell. But hey, unlike the nuns - please enjoy what you have!

You don't have to be a nun to value full consent. OP's discomfort matters to people in the life and out. Apparently it seems to turn her husband on, which is not cool.

[Anonymous]

Today, consent requires not just the absence of resistance but the active acceptance and welcome of an interaction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202108/defining-consent-in-bdsm-and-multiple-partner-relationships

OP does not welcome this and fearing he may end the relationship is coercion.

For everyone acting so ignorant or dismissive of these basic concepts, I hope you don't have kids. These are important concepts for all to understand, especially those into kink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I like to talk about another man being involved and sometimes use sex toys to pretend. I don’t want to be with another man (we’ve always been monogamous and I don’t want to risk our relationship) but he knows it’s a huge turn on for me when we talk about it which then turns it into a turn on for him too.

The nuns on this board think you are a ho. Anything but missionary is a kink. And indulging in every kink will get you to hell. But hey, unlike the nuns - please enjoy what you have!

You don't have to be a nun to value full consent. OP's discomfort matters to people in the life and out. Apparently it seems to turn her husband on, which is not cool.

There is no such thing as “full consent”. There is no qualifier for consent. It is either consent or it is not. So no argument in a situation where there is no consent.

But there is consent without complete conviction. Like getting on to the roller coaster even when you hate it. But you do it nevertheless because it pleases your partner. That is what we are talking about. Not consent. And we are talking role playing and not hotwifing or whatever else it’s called.

[Anonymous]

Don't know if this is common, but it's not abnormal, just socially unacceptable. Some men have that fantasy and that's fine. My husband and I also fantasize about other people and we have expressed this to each other. Don't engage in it if you don't feel comfortable and let him know you're not interested if he presses for an answer.

[Anonymous]

So funny how the Andrew Tate SUPER MASCULINE BRO closet cases found this thread. 🤣🤣🤣

“No way dude! Not my woman. What are you, gay?!”

Inevitably, every single one of you has fellated your buddy after “too many saki bombs”.

It’s 2024. Stop being so insecure. Huge tell for anyone with a brain.

[Anonymous]

OP is not into it. That should be the end of pressuring her, by her DH who didn't seem to notice or care, or here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I like to talk about another man being involved and sometimes use sex toys to pretend. I don’t want to be with another man (we’ve always been monogamous and I don’t want to risk our relationship) but he knows it’s a huge turn on for me when we talk about it which then turns it into a turn on for him too.

The nuns on this board think you are a ho. Anything but missionary is a kink. And indulging in every kink will get you to hell. But hey, unlike the nuns - please enjoy what you have!

You don't have to be a nun to value full consent. OP's discomfort matters to people in the life and out. Apparently it seems to turn her husband on, which is not cool.

There is no such thing as “full consent”. There is no qualifier for consent. It is either consent or it is not. So no argument in a situation where there is no consent.

But there is consent without complete conviction. Like getting on to the roller coaster even when you hate it. But you do it nevertheless because it pleases your partner. That is what we are talking about. Not consent. And we are talking role playing and not hotwifing or whatever else it’s called.

OP said she is not into it and that she fears he could use that as a pretext to leave the relationship. That is not consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I like to talk about another man being involved and sometimes use sex toys to pretend. I don’t want to be with another man (we’ve always been monogamous and I don’t want to risk our relationship) but he knows it’s a huge turn on for me when we talk about it which then turns it into a turn on for him too.

The nuns on this board think you are a ho. Anything but missionary is a kink. And indulging in every kink will get you to hell. But hey, unlike the nuns - please enjoy what you have!

You don't have to be a nun to value full consent. OP's discomfort matters to people in the life and out. Apparently it seems to turn her husband on, which is not cool.

There is no such thing as “full consent”. There is no qualifier for consent. It is either consent or it is not. So no argument in a situation where there is no consent.

But there is consent without complete conviction. Like getting on to the roller coaster even when you hate it. But you do it nevertheless because it pleases your partner. That is what we are talking about. Not consent. And we are talking role playing and not hotwifing or whatever else it’s called.

OP said she is not into it and that she fears he could use that as a pretext to leave the relationship. That is not consent.

OP said she was not into the idea (fantasy or reality) of sleeping with another man and was concerned about her relationship, as most of us are when we realize we have sexual incompatibilities with our partner. She mentioned downplaying her disgust with the idea because she valued the fact that her husband was upfront about his wants to her so it’s quite possible he wasn’t fully aware of how repellent she found the notion. Several posters suggested role play, which OP in subsequent posts seemed neutral about. No one (or at least very few people) are suggesting OP commit a sex act she finds repellent.

People are just suggesting that she be open and upfront with her husband about her feelings and boundaries (adultery/cheating fantasies are not something she’s into and she will not be having sex outside her marriage) and discuss possible ways to indulge his fantasies that she feels neutral or good about such as role playing that he’s a different person or letting him watch her getting herself off. If those things are also repellent to her, she should communicate that of course but nothing posted here suggested that they were. Basically, people are suggesting that OP should communicate clearly what she wants and doesn’t want. Maybe the husband is the dick you think he is and won’t listen and adjust his actions and requests accordingly but there’s nothing OP has said so far that confirms or denies your point of view.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is actually fantasizing about this, it turns him on.

But if you actually went through + did this, then Pandora’s Box would fly open and you would have a ton of issues to face.

I strongly advise your hubby to keep fantasizing about this but to leave it at that.

I would be secretly hurt if my husband actually wanted me to be w/another man.
It would make me think that he would cheat on me if given the opportunity to do so…..

[Anonymous]

Wow so many OTT responses on this one. The DH wants to do something uncommon but not awful. The OP doesn’t want to do it for reasons. End of story. Seems pretty straightforward as long as the DH respects her declining to do it. Without any evidence people are adding a whole lot of invented context into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH gets turned on by the idea of me sleeping with other men. I've never cheated and not planning to but DH has hinted at it recently and then gets turned on instead of getting mad/upset.
Makes me uncomfortable but is this normal? Do some spouses enjoy watching or thinking of their SO with someone else?

Most likely he’s cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is actually fantasizing about this, it turns him on.

But if you actually went through + did this, then Pandora’s Box would fly open and you would have a ton of issues to face.

I strongly advise your hubby to keep fantasizing about this but to leave it at that.

I would be secretly hurt if my husband actually wanted me to be w/another man.
It would make me think that he would cheat on me if given the opportunity to do so…..

I posted earlier in this thread. I’ve done this 5 or 6 times over the last 10 years. My husband really appreciates that I indulge him in it. We hired a professional who works with couples, and we all had a great time.

There was no Pandora’s box. We did something private and fun and sexy. We feel like we have this little secret and a bunch of inside jokes and innuendos that do, actually, bring us closer. It didn’t lead to issues or cheating or him deciding that he’s gay now. WTF are these responses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is actually fantasizing about this, it turns him on.

But if you actually went through + did this, then Pandora’s Box would fly open and you would have a ton of issues to face.

I strongly advise your hubby to keep fantasizing about this but to leave it at that.

I would be secretly hurt if my husband actually wanted me to be w/another man.
It would make me think that he would cheat on me if given the opportunity to do so…..

All of the above is certainly possible.

Thread makes me think about the Herndon double murder. Ostensibly was a similar situation but it was really a cover for a planned double murder. The dude from F*tlife and the DW are both dead, the DH moved the au pair into the master bed. Hearing coming up next week, more details are likely forthcoming.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe this.