DCUM Weblog

From the very beginning of the series I've mentioned how the active threads make me feel out of touch with this website, despite owning and operating it for nearly two decades. This weekend's threads with the most engagement reemphasize that feeling.

Leading this weekend in number of replies and second in number of views was a thread posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum titled, "How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding." The original poster writes that one member of a group of four close friends of hers is unable to attend her daughter's wedding due to the date conflicting with that of a co-worker's wedding. This despite the group of five friends excitedly talking about the wedding for over a year. In all honesty, I am baffled that this topic would interest anyone, yet it reached 18 pages of replies in just two days. At least one poster must have also thought things were a bit strange because I received a report asking if the original poster was trolling (she wasn't). I haven't read the thread other than a few posts here and there just to see what was going on. As best I can tell, most of the discussion is a back and forth about the importance of the other wedding to the friend and why it got the nod over the original poster's daughter's wedding. For her part, the original poster appears to have accepted whatever advice she was offered and seems to have reconciled herself to the situation.

Today I'll look at the most active threads during the last week. I'll skip over threads that were already mentioned in the daily updates, though that limits the number that I can discuss. However, that is not the case with the first thread which didn't appear in the daily posts. Titled, "Friend with bad child being iced out of friend group" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum, this thread had the most replies and second most views during the week.

The thread describes the child of the original poster's friend who has hurt other children and caused damage to the house during get togethers. The original poster is now avoiding the child and has learned that other parents are doing the same. The original poster wonders whether she should address this with the other mother. I haven't read the thread but it did come to my attention during the week because it had devolved to lots of name-calling and inane arguing. At that time I locked the thread. Looking at the first page today, I see that several posters objected to the description of the child as a "bad boy" while several others suggested outdoor playdates.

The leading thread in number of replies yesterday was titled, "If you had the money, would you raise your kids in NYC?" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum. The original post is succinct, simply asking whether if you could afford a suitable apartment, good schools, activities, and travel you would raise your family in New York City. I didn't know about this thread until just now and I'm not convinced that it is posted in the correct forum. Nevertheless, scanning through replies there are a lot of posters who would not raise their children in NYC. There also appear to be a few posters who are already doing it. I noticed more than one post in which the author declared animosity towards NYC based on experiences during college with a New Yorker. It's probably time to let those grudges go and to consider whether a single person is really reflective of the entire 8 million NYC residents.

In what I think is a first in this series, the thread with the highest number of replies was posted in the "Elementary School-Aged Kids" forum. Titled, "Why does the default activity for kids seem to be sports?", the original poster describes her child who dislikes sports, preferring art, dance, and music. The original poster feels this is an anomaly because other families are heavily devoted to sports. The thread managed 12 pages in less than a day, but since I haven't read it, I can't really say anything about it. I took a look at the last page and see that most of the posts there are about boys and art and music lessons. Since the original poster's child is a girl, I guess the thread didn't stay completely on topic.

The "Political Discussion" forum is very active — generally the most active of all of the forums — but I don't think it has produced a most active thread yet in this series. That changed yesterday with a thread titled, "Jan 6 Committee hearings - 10/13/22" which led in number of views and was second in number of replies. I removed many posts from that thread that were reported as inappropriate, so it probably actually had the most replies for the day. DCUM's userbase, reflecting the DC-area, is predominantly liberal. However, the "Political Discussion" forum has managed to attract every stray conservative in the area plus a considerable number from other parts of the country. Because these folks tend to post incessantly — all the time complaining about how unfairly they are being treated — the forum often seems to be dominated by conservatives. As such, a thread about a hearing that was heavily focused on former President Donald Trump's culpability for the January 6 attack on the Capitol was frequently sidetracked by posts blaming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, President Joe Biden, and other Democrats. One would almost think that it was Hunter Biden speaking at the Ellipse and provoking events.

Yesterday's threads with the most engagement included one involving Florida and several relationship topics. While I noticed the thread titled, "Why do people like Florida?" that was posted in the "Off-Topic" forum, I hadn't read it until just now. I did see that the thread was growing rapidly and I thought that it would be a top thread. Indeed, it reached 15 pages by this morning. I assumed that it had turned political — everything involving Florida does these days — and that is exactly what had happened. So, after reading just a few posts this morning, I locked the thread. We have two very active political forums and if posters want to have political discussions, they are more than welcome to do so in those forums. However, political discussions in other forums are not appreciated. Florida has been getting so much attention on DCUM over the past several weeks that I should probably consider a dedicated Florida forum.

For the first time since I started writing this series of posts there wasn't a thread or two that stood out well above the rest in numbers of replies or views. Instead, several threads were all very close to one another. Among the threads at the top were a range of topics, including working moms, mother-in-laws, nuclear survival, and New England.

One constant in the DCUM forums is debates about "work out of the house moms" or WOHMs vs "stay at home moms" or SAHMs. When I saw that the top thread in number of replies was titled, "Working moms - how do you…" I immediately assumed that this thread had turned into such a battle. Indeed, the thread, which was posted in the "Jobs and Careers" forum, appears to have gone in that direction for a bit. However, it doesn't look like the thread was completely hijacked. Instead it looks like much of the conversation turned instead to questioning the role of husbands and dads. Nevertheless, there appears to have been quite a few substantive responses so hopefully the thread was generally helpful.

Once again I have not read any of yesterday's most active topics. But, at least this time the topics didn't make me question where I went wrong in life. The topics might not be my cup of tea, but I can still understand the interest in them.

Leading in both numbers of replies and number of views was a thread titled, "Professor who uses 'third world' country" in the "Off-Topic" forum. The OP describes a professor who uses the term "third world" to describe poor countries. The OP doesn't ask a question or say much more than just that, so responders had quite a bit of leeway with their replies. Some time back in ancient history, some folks thought it might be a good idea to choose words and language that were less offensive than that used at the time. This became known as the "political correctness" or PC movement. That quickly inspired others to become "anti-PC". To hear them tell it, they were brave proponents of free expression because they weren't afraid to offend someone. But, whatever you do, don't call them deplorable. That's simply not acceptable.

Today I'll look back at the most active threads over the weekend. There is an Internet security company that has used the slogan, "View your data, wish that you didn't". I sort of feel that way looking at this weekend's popular threads which covered some rather esoteric topics.

Leading in both views and replies over the weekend was a thread in the "Pets" forum titled, "Two children killed by family pet". The thread discusses the tragic killing of two children by the family's pet pit bulls. As is true for a some other forums on DCUM, the Pets forum has developed in ways that we never expected when it was created. It tends to be dominated by debates about breeders and arguments about pit bulls. Because the original poster of this thread advocated that pit bulls be banned, the thread is mostly a debate about such a ban. Opponents and defenders of pit bulls are equally vehement about their positions and more than willing to repeat the same points endlessly. So, this thread may never end unless I eventually lock it.

Today I'll look back at the most active threads throughout the past week. Most of the top threads have been covered in the daily updates so I'll skip those. What's left are threads from the top ten in numbers of replies or views, but not at the very top of the lists.

Sixth in number of replies for the week was a thread titled, "Reading Groups" which was posted in the "Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS)" forum. The original post is pretty basic and straight forward, simply asking if individual reading groups are still used in 2nd grade. But, as DCUM threads — especially those in the education forums — are wont to do — the thread quickly veered off to different, albeit related, topics. In this case the thread became a discussion of the entire philosophy of teaching reading in FCPS. The DCUM education forums give the impression that schools no longer teach students anything beyond anti-racism and gender studies. I know from my own children's experiences that this isn't the case. But, parents who apparently walked 8 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways, are having a difficult time adjusting to the newfangled — and dare I say hifalutin — teaching methods being used in schools these days. This thread demonstrates this phenomenon in the case of reading.

Yesterday's top thread in number of views may have also been the top thread in number of replies, except that I removed two-thirds of the replies. The thread, titled, "Reuters article on trans youth care" was posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum and discussed a long article by Reuters that delved in to the topic of gender-affirming care. In one of the earlier blog posts in this series I mentioned that topics related to transgender issues are among the most controversial and this thread certainly continued that trend.

I receive a lot of criticism from posters who are not happy about how I moderate threads dealing with transgender issues, so I'll take this opportunity to explain my position on the issue. My primary goal is that DCUM not be used to spread further prejudice or hatred towards transgender individuals. So important is this goal to me, that I am quite willing to error on the side of caution. Therefore, it is not only possible, but actually likely that I have overstepped at times. I am completely comfortable if that is the case.