DH and I have been married 15 years, 4 kids together. He is a family physician and I work part time and take care of the kids. Last year, we had a huge bombshell that went off in our marriage when my MIL suddenly and viciously attacked me and he did not defend me. He is a passive, conflict adverse, easy going person and struggles to stand up for himself or for me when we're attacked or criticized. This is very hard for me to accept as I truly value having a passionate partner who will have my back when needed.
We spent the last year in a lot of therapy to heal the rift. He has been coached by the therapist to be more assertive/aggressive to defend us. I thought that the problem had been fixed and was feeling overall positive about the situation. However, last week a similar incident with another person occurred and my DH repeated the same hide in his turtle shell, then come out to criticize me for my actions behaviors after the fact that caused us to have such a deep crisis a year ago. When I confronted him about it, he expressed regret but says at this point I need to accept who he is and how he reacts to conflict. At this point, I feel done with this relationship. I dont want to spend my life married to a wimpy man. It almost seems better to be alone since I do feel alone in handling life's difficulties. However, there is no abuse, no drinking, no adultery. We have a good sex life and an overall happy family life. Advice appreciated. Thanks! |
I would not get divorced over this |
Well you have 4 kids. Stick it out. |
How would your life improve post-divorce? |
You can divorce for any reason. |
I would divorce |
I’m assuming he was wimpy before you married him, so you married him knowing this. And then had four kids with him.
No, I wouldn’t upend FOUR KIDS’ lives over this. Just accept he’s the exact man you married and get on with your life. |
Exactly. Can you imagine 50/50 custody of your kids over this? |
+1,000,000. |
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I would never divorce over that with 4 kids in the mix. Never. I laws can be crazy and people do not always react appropriately. Lots of people revert to their childhood personalities around their families. I think you are being really dramatic. You have a shitty MIL. Lots of people do. |
No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.
Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not. Stunned by the stupidity of your question. |
The literature suggests that it’s better to divorce while kids are young than waiting until they’re older. |
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It’s not 1950; women don’t have to eat sh*t & pretend to like it anymore. You don’t have to stay married to this guy OP. |