Anyone get a nanny more as a companion for themselves?
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Anonymous
OP, if you're consistently putting yourself out there and seeing a therapist I say go for it. But I mean, remind yourself that you are paying for companionship and this is a business contract. Maybe don't see her as a "friend" but a mother's helper? Keep trying to find friends, but I think social interaction will be good for you and help stave off PPD when baby comes. When your baby is a bit older there are a lot of play groups to go to, and when he or she is school age you will be overwhelmed with playdate requests lol. You'll get there eventually  I'm actually surprised no poster on here reached out to you for some social time.
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Anonymous
Sorry for your situation OP, but this is called being an adult. I have moved around a lot in my life and am very far from family as well, and the truth is it's just not that easy to make friends as an adult. You have the unique advantage of being in a situation where other women would love to make friends with you, other new moms. There are bump clubs, new mom groups and plenty of other outlets that your (supposed) therapist can recommend. Hiring someone to be your friend will not work out well for you in the end. What you are looking for is still, essentially, a business agreement, and when money is involved, things will get complicated. Don't give up on yourself so easily...and in reality, after you have a newborn, alone time might likely become one of your most precious commodities (again surprised your therapist hasn't touched on this). |
Anonymous
OP, how will you respect yourself if you're LITERALLY buying someone's friendship? If someone paid me to be friendly and go see movies and pay for me to go into museums and to lunch or whatever, I'd sure never argue with them or let them know when I didn't respect their choices, or anything. Will you TRULY be able to believe any compliments this person gives when you're paying them? My husband works and travels a lot too. My family is also 3000 miles away. But I introduced myself to neighbors, found a couple of places where I could volunteer, and was open about looking for friends. I found that between work, volunteering twice a week, and the 5 or 6 friends I made, it created the perfect balance of alone time and socializing. OP, you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself and to not feel lonely just because you're alone. Create a favorite coffee shop or diner. Go during non-rush hours and camp out with a book or magazine once or twice a week - building community will also help you feel less alone. Go to the library once or twice a week. The desk people will smile when you walk in and they recognize you. Build community. Don't buy friendship. It'll be a friendship based on a false premise. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the PP who said this is part of being an adult. You sound depressed. Do not get a nanny just to have a friend, that's ridiculous. I have few friends because of my busy schedule, and when I am home I am spending time with my family. Just enjoy your time with your baby. |
Anonymous
| Grow up, OP. Welcome to adulthood. You move around, your friends move away, you have children, their activities busy your life... you don't need a friend constantly around giving you attention. |
Anonymous
| You might want to consider a PT nanny for while you are working and then someone that is more of a mother's helper to help out when you are home. You can find someone that is less experienced but wanting to gain more, and she can help out with little things around the house or companionship. I think it might be better to keep that as a separate position so that you can keep the position as long as you feel you need it, but that your work hours are covered by a professional that will probably only be interested in childcare and not companionship with you. You will want that position to be the strongest and last longest, so keep it totally professional. |
aurora151989
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| forgive me, but have you been checked out for post partum depression? I notice you mention a newborn. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like lots of jealous MBs here, OP. |
Anonymous
What is it you think people are jealous of?? All I see is a lot of people suggesting that OP deal with the fact that she feels the need for constant companionship in a manner that does not involve paying a woman to be her friend. Not jealousy, perhaps concern and a good dose of a reality check. |
Anonymous
| Lots of people pay for companionship, in one way or another. Everyone knows that. OP is just being direct about it. I appreciate her honesty. |
Anonymous
I'm not jealous. There's nothing to be jealous of, and a lot to be sad and alarmed about. |
Anonymous
You're sad and alarmed about hired companionship and private parenting instruction? Get a life. |
Anonymous
OP, I'm sorry for all the unhelpful and unnecessary comments you got from your post. I think as a FTM, you could easily hire a mothers helper and let them know during the interview process you are hoping for companionship as well. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. If you are in therapy already, I don't see why some of the PP's in here decided to attack you and tell you to act like an adult. I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
+1 People are nasty, ignore them. |
Anonymous
| OP didn't say anything about "private parenting instruction", 12:12. Learn to read. |