"Coming Out" to Employers
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Anonymous
Haha, here in SF tons of straight guys also wear eyeliner so who knows with that! I have also found that a large percent of the population in the bay area is bi. It really gets to me when people say that no one is bisexual, they are either gay or straight. That is so not the case. Love who you want to love and if your employer finds out and doesn't like it (wants to fire you), then you obviously don't want to be working for them anyways! |
Anonymous
| Do not tell. This is still TX and ultra conservative. Considering the number of gay priests, it should be acceptable to Catholics, but jt isn't. Keep your personal life to yourself, not because there is anything wrong with being gay, but many people do not agree. |
Anonymous
| OP, I'd also be very careful about the number of details you put in your posts. Maybe you changed some things, but if you didn't, you were extremely specific. I'm in a NICU field in a totally different state, but it's a small world, and you've given enough information to easily identify your employers. |
Anonymous
OP here. Is it bad that I half wish they'd stumble upon this and save me a lot of stress? I don't speak poorly of them, nor their children. Very fond of them all. |
Anonymous
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I think it really depends on the relationship you have established in both your work AND 'friendship' level relationship.
I, personally, work with a high number of LGBTs in my profession. I know that our nanny knows this (may be a bit too 'anti' LGBT for my taste, actually) and I know that if we had a LGBT caregiver...out or not...they should feel free to speak openly about their 'life' with me. It's so funny, because despite the high level of LGBT members in my profession, I find myself STILL making errors and typical hetero assumptions about people I work with... I feel extremely honored when my colleagues share their special life events, and their family stories with me...it means they trust ME. And I think that is where you have to balance all of this...on your comfort level...on their comfort level and on your dynamics comfort level. My guess? If you all get along well, and there is no sense that they would have an 'issue' with anything...maybe they are thoughtful enough to already have some ideas that you are a lesbian. If it hasn't disrupted their thoughts about you or the job you do to this point...they likely won't care one way or another. Just for ME...and I am not the norm, I know...I want to be the kind of MB that supports their Nanny. I want her to feel like she is comfortable enough with us to just live her life openly with us. I would feel somewhat bad, if we have not established a close enough relationship, for her to be hesitant about sharing certain things. Now, the issue also wouldn't go beyond us...not the the neighbors, not to her contacts beyond our family. Because I am well aware that those facts about her are HERs to tell others. I don't know what your relationship is with your MB/DB...BUT, I would also consider the fact that they would want to be sure that they didn't make stupid hetero mistakes when talking to you, or interacting with you...just like the lucky guy comment. |
Anonymous
| Would you really want to work for people who wouldn't accept you? |
Anonymous
| If it's stressing you out that they don't know, I'd casually work it into a conversation like some of the PPs have suggested. I wouldn't make a big deal of it or be dramatic about it. But if you want them to know, I think it's okay to tell them. |
Anonymous
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I know this isn't the popular opinion, but I would want to know if my nanny was a lesbian. Especially since I have young daughters.
My children's well-being come before being PC. |
Anonymous
| I'd keep it on the down low, you just never really know people until you see their bad side, why bring it out with something they don't need to know. Unfair as it is, if it means keeping a good job than it's worth it. If they ever ask the truth will set you free, if they don't well maybe it's because they don't really want to know. If you know they have gay friends (close friends) then it's probally fine, if not you might wonder why? |
nannydebsays
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OP, I don't think your employers have a "need to know" this - it does sound as if they're trying to find the right mix of business/personal relationship with you, and you can choose to keep things perfectly business-like or you can choose to go for the personal "friend" relationship.
I actually liked the suggestion above to tell them when they ask your plans that you're going out to dinner with a guy you know and HIS boyfriend (the original suggestion was "girlfriend" but that can be less than clear, IMO.) and see what they say/how they react. I hate to be a downer, but considering what the PP implied and said, if you do choose to come out, please be prepared to start your job hunt. Some folks can't cope with those who are different from their personal definition of "normal". Best of luck to you! |
nannydebsays
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Can you elaborate on what your concern would be? I'm truly interested in why you would have an issue. |
Anonymous
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Everyone assumes I'm gay...
Signed, Straight male nanny |
Anonymous
Can you explain in what way you think who your nanny sleeps with at night in any way could threaten your daughters' well-being? |
Anonymous
What the heck does you having young daughters have to do with anything? You're a FOOL! Lmao. |
Anonymous
I'm confused. What does your nanny's sexuality have to do with your daughter's well-being? |