Taking Au Pair on a cruise

[Anonymous]

Even if AP is agreeable to the sleeping arrangement, the HF is responsible for following the guidelines. Yes, this be a tricky grey area and I can see how OPs sleeping arrangement for AP and grandma is within the realm of normal, I do not see how AP sharing a bedroom with her host parents is acceptable. The thing is, she isn’t your daughter and I think you have crossed some major ethical guidelines in place to protect APs from uncomfortable situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if AP is agreeable to the sleeping arrangement, the HF is responsible for following the guidelines. Yes, this be a tricky grey area and I can see how OPs sleeping arrangement for AP and grandma is within the realm of normal, I do not see how AP sharing a bedroom with her host parents is acceptable. The thing is, she isn’t your daughter and I think you have crossed some major ethical guidelines in place to protect APs from uncomfortable situations.

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. As noted, I recognize that this is outside the rules but based on everyone involved, and having given the AP the specific/informed, choice, we are all OK with it in this instance. I don't see where there is an ethical issue where we are all and will continue to be respectful of one another, there is a living area with a pull out couch within the same hotel room, and she is happy and excited to go along (and would undoubtedly have been very sad had we not asked since this is a place she has always wanted to go).

[Anonymous]

Of course you don’t see the ethical issues with advocating for your “right” to invite your aupair to share a hotel room with you and your husband. And of course it is perfectly fine for you to break rules because you have such an amazing relationship...she is like a daughter after all. Set boundaries much?

[Anonymous]

After reading this, too much drama to take an AP on vacation. Just not worth it .

[Anonymous]

It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Look...

You don't need an anon. internet board's approval.

You only need to discuss with your AP and figure out what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

I'm the PP you are talking about. The decision obviously was not solely based upon whether my AP would be sad or not - her happiness was just part of the equation. And for the record, I have been at this a little longer than you (6 years), also no rematches, never even a call to the LCC and my family keeps in touch with all my prior APs (all but one have come back to visit at least once) and in many cases in touch with their moms and siblings as well.

And for the PP who described it as my "right" - that is an odd way to frame the issue. I don't claim any "rights" here - just a HM with a good relationship with my AP offering to provide an opportunity to go somewhere AP wants to go, with an arrangement everyone involved agrees with.

It's amusing to me when posters here (and frankly across the internet) pretend to know what's best for everyone else, simply based on what they think is best for themselves. I have described a situation where everyone involved is perfectly happy with the arrangements and yet there are those who feel the need to be judgey about it. Thankfully I am not concerned about the opinions of randoms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

I'm the PP you are talking about. The decision obviously was not solely based upon whether my AP would be sad or not - her happiness was just part of the equation. And for the record, I have been at this a little longer than you (6 years), also no rematches, never even a call to the LCC and my family keeps in touch with all my prior APs (all but one have come back to visit at least once) and in many cases in touch with their moms and siblings as well.

And for the PP who described it as my "right" - that is an odd way to frame the issue. I don't claim any "rights" here - just a HM with a good relationship with my AP offering to provide an opportunity to go somewhere AP wants to go, with an arrangement everyone involved agrees with.

It's amusing to me when posters here (and frankly across the internet) pretend to know what's best for everyone else, simply based on what they think is best for themselves. I have described a situation where everyone involved is perfectly happy with the arrangements and yet there are those who feel the need to be judgey about it. Thankfully I am not concerned about the opinions of randoms!

+1

[Anonymous]

- 100

[Anonymous]

I think OPs situation sounds fine, but to PP, I wouldn’t let your LCC or agency catch wind of your husband sharing a hotel room with you AP. I would opt for her potential sadness over the embarrassment of the agency discovering this.

[Anonymous]

I am a former AP. I would have loved to join my host family on vacation, even if I have had to sleep on a mattress on the floor. Just for the sake of feeling included and part of a new experience.

OP, you're very nice, I'm sure your AP will love her experience!
Enjoy your cruise !

[Anonymous]

I am sure in hindsight sleeping on a mattress would have been good enough for you. Imagine how it could’ve been spun.... “Aupair forced to sleep on floor mattress while HP and their children sleep in luxury beds”

#notworththedrama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs situation sounds fine, but to PP, I wouldn’t let your LCC or agency catch wind of your husband sharing a hotel room with you AP. I would opt for her potential sadness over the embarrassment of the agency discovering this.

No embarrassment whatsoever. My LCC is an experienced, level-headed person who does not create drama for drama's sake. And if she were to find out (and for all I know my AP has already told her b/c my AP gets along very well with the LCC), my LCC would probably ask if she's ok with it and confirm that it is AP's choice, and AP would say yes absolutely and that's that. As noted, we have done this once already with a prior, equally beloved, AP and all went just fine.

Also, I'm not sure what you think is going to go on in the hotel room! The bathroom has a DOOR and we will probably just stay out of the room entirely while she's getting ready and we all plan to be CLOTHED the entire time... mainly just sleeping in the room otherwise!! Hardly controversial stuff!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs situation sounds fine, but to PP, I wouldn’t let your LCC or agency catch wind of your husband sharing a hotel room with you AP. I would opt for her potential sadness over the embarrassment of the agency discovering this.

No embarrassment whatsoever. My LCC is an experienced, level-headed person who does not create drama for drama's sake. And if she were to find out (and for all I know my AP has already told her b/c my AP gets along very well with the LCC), my LCC would probably ask if she's ok with it and confirm that it is AP's choice, and AP would say yes absolutely and that's that. As noted, we have done this once already with a prior, equally beloved, AP and all went just fine.

Also, I'm not sure what you think is going to go on in the hotel room! The bathroom has a DOOR and we will probably just stay out of the room entirely while she's getting ready and we all plan to be CLOTHED the entire time... mainly just sleeping in the room otherwise!! Hardly controversial stuff!

"Oh we'll just stay out of the room entirely while she's getting ready"...again this bizarre situation is not even worth the drama but you choose to put yourself in an unnecessary sticky situation for the sake of feelings. Just imagine if your daughter were in an undesirable situation like this as a young adult, I'm sure you would think twice.

The problem with this is your lack of ability to set boundaries for your family and AP. Of course your AP will agree to it because she is a young adult who doesn't want to miss out on a wonderful vacation. You on the other hand are an adult, and you should have better judgement. I'm sure your LCC and agency would advise you against this type of arrangement, but you are too stubborn to understand why this is ridiculous and crossing the line. Carry on, I'm sure you will offer the same type of bizarre vacation sleeping arrangement to future APs until you get burned and embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really isn’t worth the drama. And unlike PP, I don’t make decisions based on whether or not she will be “so sad or so bummed”. I just follow the program rules, set clear expectations in interview stage for AP to do the same, and 5 years and no rematch or even call to LCC, its all worked out.

I'm the PP you are talking about. The decision obviously was not solely based upon whether my AP would be sad or not - her happiness was just part of the equation. And for the record, I have been at this a little longer than you (6 years), also no rematches, never even a call to the LCC and my family keeps in touch with all my prior APs (all but one have come back to visit at least once) and in many cases in touch with their moms and siblings as well.

And for the PP who described it as my "right" - that is an odd way to frame the issue. I don't claim any "rights" here - just a HM with a good relationship with my AP offering to provide an opportunity to go somewhere AP wants to go, with an arrangement everyone involved agrees with.

It's amusing to me when posters here (and frankly across the internet) pretend to know what's best for everyone else, simply based on what they think is best for themselves. I have described a situation where everyone involved is perfectly happy with the arrangements and yet there are those who feel the need to be judgey about it. Thankfully I am not concerned about the opinions of randoms!

If you are not concerned about the opinion of randoms, why are you continually responding and trying to defend your decision???