Taking Au Pair on a cruise

[Anonymous]

I’m not planning to have “ifs”, I’m going to schedule her to work the evenings dh and I know we want to have time together, and give her the rest of the time off. If the kids are happy in the club they can stay there and she’ll have time off.

I will not expect her to eat with us but she will be welcome. I think we have assigned seats/times so if she wants to eat dinner In the dining room she will likely be seated with us anyway.

We’ve already been on one vacation with her - 2 weeks to visit family in California with a 3-day trip to Disneyland while there. I know our own family vacation style and know she is helpful and pitches in when needed (like taking a kid to the bathroom or grabbing extra food for the kids when she gets herself a snack with my credit card). We all get along well and don’t have unreasonable expectations. If we were to do a family excursion somewhere we would of course invite her along. At this point I’m not planning to do anything other than maybe a beach trip because the point of this vacation is the Disney cruise aspect. I’m ok with letting her do her own excursions but I think I will limit her to choosing cruise-run excursions so there is no worry about her missing the boat.

As for the room, I gave her to option of being in our room which is a 2-rom suite and she would have the living room to herself or sharing a cabin - also with 2 separate sleeping spaces- with my mother-in-law. She opted for the latter and I don’t think has any problem with it. The rules are that they need to have their own room. At our home - and our country home - she has her own room and private bath on a separate floor from our house. At my parents’ house where we just were she had her own room but shared a bath with my parents. She’s not had an issue with any of these arrangements. Also, I don’t know many people who go on a Caribbean cruise and spend a lot of time in their room. I expect she’ll be out by the pool or making friends with other young people on board. She’s very social but also mature so I don’t anticipate her being irresponsible with the freedom. She’s also only 20 so she won’t be allowed to have alcohol, though she doesn’t drink anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not planning to have “ifs”, I’m going to schedule her to work the evenings dh and I know we want to have time together, and give her the rest of the time off. If the kids are happy in the club they can stay there and she’ll have time off.

I will not expect her to eat with us but she will be welcome. I think we have assigned seats/times so if she wants to eat dinner In the dining room she will likely be seated with us anyway.

We’ve already been on one vacation with her - 2 weeks to visit family in California with a 3-day trip to Disneyland while there. I know our own family vacation style and know she is helpful and pitches in when needed (like taking a kid to the bathroom or grabbing extra food for the kids when she gets herself a snack with my credit card). We all get along well and don’t have unreasonable expectations. If we were to do a family excursion somewhere we would of course invite her along. At this point I’m not planning to do anything other than maybe a beach trip because the point of this vacation is the Disney cruise aspect. I’m ok with letting her do her own excursions but I think I will limit her to choosing cruise-run excursions so there is no worry about her missing the boat.

As for the room, I gave her to option of being in our room which is a 2-rom suite and she would have the living room to herself or sharing a cabin - also with 2 separate sleeping spaces- with my mother-in-law. She opted for the latter and I don’t think has any problem with it. The rules are that they need to have their own room. At our home - and our country home - she has her own room and private bath on a separate floor from our house. At my parents’ house where we just were she had her own room but shared a bath with my parents. She’s not had an issue with any of these arrangements. Also, I don’t know many people who go on a Caribbean cruise and spend a lot of time in their room. I expect she’ll be out by the pool or making friends with other young people on board. She’s very social but also mature so I don’t anticipate her being irresponsible with the freedom. She’s also only 20 so she won’t be allowed to have alcohol, though she doesn’t drink anyway.

It sounds like you got it all sorted out, OP. Not qutre sure what you were asking about in the first place

[Anonymous]

Well, I was wondering if anyone has taken an ap on a cruise if they have any tips or things I haven’t thought of.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you got it all sorted out, OP. Not qutre sure what you were asking about in the first place

Agree. What exactly do you need help with OP? It sounds like you have a perfect AP and you are a perfect HM who has thought through every detail and incredibly generous with your cruises, country homes, private suites, etc. What is AP not to love? Bon voyage!

[Anonymous]

I recommend getting AP a private room. What if she does indeed meets young people, as you mentioned, and wants to stay out late with them? Is your mother-in-law going to be disturbed by her coming into the room late?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend getting AP a private room. What if she does indeed meets young people, as you mentioned, and wants to stay out late with them? Is your mother-in-law going to be disturbed by her coming into the room late?

Our AP is certainly welcome to upgrade the vacation we offer her -- at her own expense.

[Anonymous]

OMG, this is ridiculous. She doesn't have her own room on a cruise? And it "might come back to bite" the host mom?

Whatever. Even if things "go south" and the AP complains about it to the agency, what's going to happen to the host family? NOTHING. They'll say "oops, didn't realize that was the rule!!" and everyone will move on.

Drama.

[Anonymous]

So, if OP has taken everything into consideration and planned an amazing vacation with her mature, grateful, helpful aupair, what is the original question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I’m not planning to have “ifs”[/b], I’m going to schedule her to work the evenings dh and I know we want to have time together, and give her the rest of the time off. If the kids are happy in the club they can stay there and she’ll have time off.

I will not expect her to eat with us but she will be welcome. I think we have assigned seats/times so if she wants to eat dinner In the dining room she will likely be seated with us anyway.

We’ve already been on one vacation with her - 2 weeks to visit family in California with a 3-day trip to Disneyland while there. I know our own family vacation style and know she is helpful and pitches in when needed (like taking a kid to the bathroom or grabbing extra food for the kids when she gets herself a snack with my credit card). We all get along well and don’t have unreasonable expectations. If we were to do a family excursion somewhere we would of course invite her along. At this point I’m not planning to do anything other than maybe a beach trip because the point of this vacation is the Disney cruise aspect. I’m ok with letting her do her own excursions but I think I will limit her to choosing cruise-run excursions so there is no worry about her missing the boat.

As for the room, I gave her to option of being in our room which is a 2-rom suite and she would have the living room to herself or sharing a cabin - also with 2 separate sleeping spaces- with my mother-in-law. She opted for the latter and I don’t think has any problem with it. The rules are that they need to have their own room. At our home - and our country home - she has her own room and private bath on a separate floor from our house. At my parents’ house where we just were she had her own room but shared a bath with my parents. She’s not had an issue with any of these arrangements. Also, I don’t know many people who go on a Caribbean cruise and spend a lot of time in their room. I expect she’ll be out by the pool or making friends with other young people on board. She’s very social but also mature so I don’t anticipate her being irresponsible with the freedom. She’s also only 20 so she won’t be allowed to have alcohol, though she doesn’t drink anyway.

I think it's very nice and a great opportunity for your Au Pair- personally I would LOVE to go! That said, please see my bolded parts- you have one great big IF. IF the kids are happy then she has off. So really she will be working, and should be prepared, to work the entire time. IF the kids like the camp she will have this unexpected bonus time off. It's all about establishing expectations beforehand. I don't know about the rules about private rooms, etc. so that's nitty-gritty to me. Some people have pointed out that if this goes south it could bite you in the rear end.

[Anonymous]

How can it "bite her in the rear end"????? Are they going to take away her birthday? If things go south the agency will tell the host mom she did a bad thing and that will be it. It's NOT A BIG DEAL.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your family really likes your aupair and you want to offer her this fun opportunity. It also sounds like you want a back-up childcare option if your kid(s) aren't thrilled with the camp/childcare offered on the cruise. And this is where things can get murky really fast.

[Anonymous]

How can it "bite her in the rear end"????

Because they aren't even half way through their year and if aupair gets upset about something else, she can use the rule breaking as ammunition for her case.

[Anonymous]

We brought our first wonderful AP with us on a resort vacation. She got a horrific ear infection and was miserable the entire trip. Obviously not her fault and who wouldn't be miserable with an ear infection, but it made me realize that as much as I truly love our aupairs, I do not want to deal with an extra illness risk on the vacation we save and look forward to all year long. Now, we give our aupairs the week off at home or to go on somewhere on their own/with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How can it "bite her in the rear end"????

Because they aren't even half way through their year and if aupair gets upset about something else, she can use the rule breaking as ammunition for her case.

WHAT CASE? The case that they are a horrible host family? Even if it gets to that, what is the consequence for any of them. If they have other issues and the AP brings this up, is it really going to matter?

I'm not advocating for breaking the rules but I find the drama about this quite hysterical. Unless the family habitually breaks a bunch of rules or does something really awful, there is really no consequence for host families bending the rules like this (particularly when it's really murky and the AP agreed to the arrangement for a week).

Everyone please untwist your panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How can it "bite her in the rear end"????

Because they aren't even half way through their year and if aupair gets upset about something else, she can use the rule breaking as ammunition for her case.

WHAT CASE? The case that they are a horrible host family? Even if it gets to that, what is the consequence for any of them. If they have other issues and the AP brings this up, is it really going to matter?

I'm not advocating for breaking the rules but I find the drama about this quite hysterical. Unless the family habitually breaks a bunch of rules or does something really awful, there is really no consequence for host families bending the rules like this (particularly when it's really murky and the AP agreed to the arrangement for a week).

Everyone please untwist your panties.

+1 Also, it's sad that doing something really nice (& expensive) for the AP is a cause for such concern. Bottom line, if the AP or HF want out of the year at some time, they will find a way. Relationships cannot be 100% legislated. No relationship comes without its risks, but inviting an AP on a cruise seems like a big benefit to her. The only suggestion I have is that she and your MIL agree in advanced on any "curfew" so neither is too inconvenienced.