What is wrong with new parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I note there has been no response to a PP's good question of how it is meaningfully different for a child to watch the nanny do kids laundry versus adults. That's a bit telling.

Nannies are adults you twat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I note there has been no response to a PP's good question of how it is meaningfully different for a child to watch the nanny do kids laundry versus adults. That's a bit telling.

+1.

Right. Just like there were no meaningful responses to a few nanny responses in which we illustrated specific ways we spend our time, and how incredibly entitled and unreasonable it is to hold against a childcare provider the fact that she only wants to engage in child care. How dare she not want to make your bed or do your laundry! Perhaps you should demand it of your plumber or your contractor.

Well but that wasn't the question. You said that asking a nanny to do adult laundry "shortchanges" the child. In a subsequent post you said you correctly pointed out that no nanny on this thread including yourself objected to doing children's laundry. In your expert opinion, how are they different? How does one shortchange the child but not the other? Please enlighten us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I note there has been no response to a PP's good question of how it is meaningfully different for a child to watch the nanny do kids laundry versus adults. That's a bit telling.

+1.

Right. Just like there were no meaningful responses to a few nanny responses in which we illustrated specific ways we spend our time, and how incredibly entitled and unreasonable it is to hold against a childcare provider the fact that she only wants to engage in child care. How dare she not want to make your bed or do your laundry! Perhaps you should demand it of your plumber or your contractor.

Well but that wasn't the question. You said that asking a nanny to do adult laundry "shortchanges" the child. In a subsequent post you said you correctly pointed out that no nanny on this thread including yourself objected to doing children's laundry. In your expert opinion, how are they different? How does one shortchange the child but not the other? Please enlighten us!

Laundry is generally done while the child(ten) are napping.
I can't speak for the PP you addressed but I will say for myself that I don't mind at all washing a child's laundry.
I do mind washing the clothes of a person who hired me to care for their child.
I find this to be a very strange request. I actually asked my MB today whether she would ever want her nanny to do laundry.
Her response was "why would I ask my child's nanny to wash my clothes?"
I don't know about some of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I note there has been no response to a PP's good question of how it is meaningfully different for a child to watch the nanny do kids laundry versus adults. That's a bit telling.

+1.

Right. Just like there were no meaningful responses to a few nanny responses in which we illustrated specific ways we spend our time, and how incredibly entitled and unreasonable it is to hold against a childcare provider the fact that she only wants to engage in child care. How dare she not want to make your bed or do your laundry! Perhaps you should demand it of your plumber or your contractor.

Well but that wasn't the question. You said that asking a nanny to do adult laundry "shortchanges" the child. In a subsequent post you said you correctly pointed out that no nanny on this thread including yourself objected to doing children's laundry. In your expert opinion, how are they different? How does one shortchange the child but not the other? Please enlighten us!

I'm not the PP you are responding to, but I am not the PP who said those things. However, to answer your question, one is an appropriate aspect of caring for a child, and one is an inappropriate crossing of boundaries. Adults do their own laundry and maybe their spouses. Also adult laundry tends to be more complicated to wash and fold than a child's, so it takes longer, and my guess is that you'd make this request in addition to child laundry not in lieu of, so you are in fact taking time and attention away from your child. A kid takes a 2 hour nap, nanny gets an hour for lunch, she spends 30 minutes cleaning from lunch, straightening the play area, and getting ready for any afternoon activities. That leaves maybe 30 minutes, and that isn't difficult to fill doing CHILD related tasks (kid laundry, meal prep, vacuuming the play area, mopping/sweeping the kitchen, and planning activities). I use nap time for all of these things because the alternative is planning activities during my off hours. As an employee who gets paid for my time, I think it a reasonable expectation that I shouldn't have to do that during hours for which I am not paid.

So again, where are the hours of down time you believe nannies get? Why is it that a nanny who wants to do childcare is unreasonable? Why is not unreasonable to expect a nanny to do your laundry and clean your house? I understand crafting a job and hiring someone for that job, but you all have attacked and berated the nannies who don't do those extras as though it is they who are somehow lacking. Household duties are extras to be negotiated at hiring, as they are EXTRAS and are not a given. Choosing, as a nanny, that you are only interested in childcare tasks doesn't make you a bad nanny, it makes you a nanny. Being willing to do more makes you a nanny/housekeeper. You keep saying you wouldn't hire me as a nanny. But the things is, I'd never even apply. I'm not a nanny housekeeper. In the same way a plumber is not an electrician. Some of them may do both, but electrical work doesn't just come with hiring a plumber.

[Anonymous]

*meant to say, I am the PP you're responding to, but not the one who said those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gotten hilarious! Are you seriously suggesting that doing any non-child related household tasks shortchanges the child? Do you really think it makes a difference to a baby whether you are washing his bottle or his mother's coffee mug? This has to be a troll post, right? A random developmental psych class in college is not a substitute for actual experience with children ...

What household tasks a nanny provides are really between her and her employers. This isn't a one size fits all and there is no "industry standard" here. Most kids nap for 1.5-3 hours a day (in multiple naps or one long one) and when they no longer do that, they are typically in preschool so most nannies have some down time in their day to help out. And IRL every nanny we interviewed volunteered the various household tasks she had previously performed so obviously not all nannies share the views of the nannies on this thread.

Better than using downtime though, our nanny does a number of non-child related things for us including loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, and buying groceries, but I have noticed that she tends to do almost all her household tasks (child related or not) with DC in tow, making them into a fun and engaging game for him. When he was a baby, she'd sit him somewhere safe and talk to him the entire time, narrating what she was doing and holding things up for him to see. When he got old enough to "help" he'd do that too (even though helping sometimes meant sitting in the laundry basket handing armfuls of clothes to her) and now at 2.5, he always wants to rinse off plates after meals or help me unload the dishwasher or "fold" the laundry. We've never asked her to make our bed but I can only imagine that she's find some way of making that into a fun game for DC as well. I think it does make things go slower but it is teaching DC important skills for life as well as keeping him engaged, entertained, and out of trouble. I think the only thing our nanny does while he's napping is vacuum and it takes about ten minutes so she still has plenty of time for a nice long break. Everyone wins and we will do whatever we can to keep her for years!

FWIW - our nanny has repeatedly told us that she considers household tasks like vacuuming and grocery shopping to be "child related" because they benefit the entire family, including the kids, and because they enable us - after a long day of work - to give DC the thing kids really need the most to thrive developmentally - time with his parents.

Yes, I am absolutely asserting that a nanny forced to do housekeeping tasks shortchanges the child. Was that not clear the first three times I wrote it? However, I'm sure you know what is best for your children - hey, not every child grows up to be "college-material". I hear with global warming that the need for air conditioner repair people will be great. Why not look back on your child's most formative years and be proud of the fact that you never had to make your own bed or wash your own stained underpants?!

Did you go to college? Because clearly you have no idea what it takes to be "college-material." You've also clearly never read any child development books because then you would know the benefits to doing household chores while talking to your infant about what you are doing (just like PP said her nanny does). What about children with a SAHP who spends the day doing household chores with their children? Do you think none of those children go to college and go on to be successful?

If a parent posted that they hired someone (not a nanny) to do all those chores including the children's laundry, make beds, clear their rooms etc you'd be the first person to post that parents should be teaching their children those things, not outsourcing them, because the children will grow up entitled never knowing how to do anything for themselves. So it's ok for the parents to show children how to do laundry but not the nanny (who by the way WANTS to do those things). It's fine if, as a nanny, you don't want to do those things but don't pretend it's bad for the children if you do. You just don't want to.

Yes, Dear, I have a masters in Early Childhood Education. What about you? And as smart as my infant charges are, they don't learn anything from watching me do the lazy parent's laundry. Every single nanny posting and I have clearly written that they feel that the charge's laundry, cooking, cleaning and upkeep is the nanny's responsibility.

You really need to stop trying to justify having your nanny made your bed and do your laundry - I'm embarrassed for you.

Out of genuine curiosity, how is it meaningfully different to a child whose laundry you are doing? Doing laundry is doing laundry ...

TIME. A nanny has limited TIME. How much do you think your child can learn from load after load after load of laundry day after day after day? Seriously, how is this so difficult for your lazy moms to understand?! Your justifications for not doing your own laundry are hysterical!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed home with my siblings and me until the youngest was around five. She did household work (both indoor and outdoor) for most of the day, but engaged with is while doing it. She had an almost half acre (or full acre?) organic garden, canned our food, made complicated meals, kept the house spotless, and, after my parents purchased a hardware store, brought us there with her while she worked part time. She most certainly did not get help from my dad with anything domestic, ever, and the expectation was that domestic tasks were conducted during the "workday".

Despite this tragic neglect at my mother's feet, I grew up to be an excellent student, great college, top law school, highly prestigious jobs, now working in what many would describe as a dream job. Oh, and I know how to take care of my home, make my own meals, and wash my own laundry.

Just imagine how differently my life would have turned out if only my mother had stuck to child-related tasks while caring for me. If only she'd done more reading on hold development, sanitized my toys a bit more often, and researched child friendly events or opportunities. Maybe I'd have been able to make something of myself.

Did your Mom have a home away from yours? Did she only come to your home 5 days a week for eight to ten hours? Did you have a father? Unless your mother had only work hours to accomplish her housekeeping tasks and had no other adult to help her then your comparison is meaningless. Perhaps a good nanny would have taught you what the word "comparable" means.

[Anonymous]

There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gotten hilarious! Are you seriously suggesting that doing any non-child related household tasks shortchanges the child? Do you really think it makes a difference to a baby whether you are washing his bottle or his mother's coffee mug? This has to be a troll post, right? A random developmental psych class in college is not a substitute for actual experience with children ...

What household tasks a nanny provides are really between her and her employers. This isn't a one size fits all and there is no "industry standard" here. Most kids nap for 1.5-3 hours a day (in multiple naps or one long one) and when they no longer do that, they are typically in preschool so most nannies have some down time in their day to help out. And IRL every nanny we interviewed volunteered the various household tasks she had previously performed so obviously not all nannies share the views of the nannies on this thread.

Better than using downtime though, our nanny does a number of non-child related things for us including loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, and buying groceries, but I have noticed that she tends to do almost all her household tasks (child related or not) with DC in tow, making them into a fun and engaging game for him. When he was a baby, she'd sit him somewhere safe and talk to him the entire time, narrating what she was doing and holding things up for him to see. When he got old enough to "help" he'd do that too (even though helping sometimes meant sitting in the laundry basket handing armfuls of clothes to her) and now at 2.5, he always wants to rinse off plates after meals or help me unload the dishwasher or "fold" the laundry. We've never asked her to make our bed but I can only imagine that she's find some way of making that into a fun game for DC as well. I think it does make things go slower but it is teaching DC important skills for life as well as keeping him engaged, entertained, and out of trouble. I think the only thing our nanny does while he's napping is vacuum and it takes about ten minutes so she still has plenty of time for a nice long break. Everyone wins and we will do whatever we can to keep her for years!

FWIW - our nanny has repeatedly told us that she considers household tasks like vacuuming and grocery shopping to be "child related" because they benefit the entire family, including the kids, and because they enable us - after a long day of work - to give DC the thing kids really need the most to thrive developmentally - time with his parents.

Yes, I am absolutely asserting that a nanny forced to do housekeeping tasks shortchanges the child. Was that not clear the first three times I wrote it? However, I'm sure you know what is best for your children - hey, not every child grows up to be "college-material". I hear with global warming that the need for air conditioner repair people will be great. Why not look back on your child's most formative years and be proud of the fact that you never had to make your own bed or wash your own stained underpants?!

Did you go to college? Because clearly you have no idea what it takes to be "college-material." You've also clearly never read any child development books because then you would know the benefits to doing household chores while talking to your infant about what you are doing (just like PP said her nanny does). What about children with a SAHP who spends the day doing household chores with their children? Do you think none of those children go to college and go on to be successful?

If a parent posted that they hired someone (not a nanny) to do all those chores including the children's laundry, make beds, clear their rooms etc you'd be the first person to post that parents should be teaching their children those things, not outsourcing them, because the children will grow up entitled never knowing how to do anything for themselves. So it's ok for the parents to show children how to do laundry but not the nanny (who by the way WANTS to do those things). It's fine if, as a nanny, you don't want to do those things but don't pretend it's bad for the children if you do. You just don't want to.

Yes, Dear, I have a masters in Early Childhood Education. What about you? And as smart as my infant charges are, they don't learn anything from watching me do the lazy parent's laundry. Every single nanny posting and I have clearly written that they feel that the charge's laundry, cooking, cleaning and upkeep is the nanny's responsibility.

You really need to stop trying to justify having your nanny made your bed and do your laundry - I'm embarrassed for you.

You really need to stop justifying being lazy with your supposed Masters in Early Childhood Education, I'm embarrassed for you. How sad and bitter it must make you to have spent time and money on a degree that gets you the same job as someone with a GED.

LOL = Wow, I really feel sorry for your children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I note there has been no response to a PP's good question of how it is meaningfully different for a child to watch the nanny do kids laundry versus adults. That's a bit telling.

I'm so sorry I couldn't respond faster, Dear, but I'm a nanny and do not surf the internet or post WHEN I AM WORKING like you can. Scroll down - I answered the question. It's about time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed home with my siblings and me until the youngest was around five. She did household work (both indoor and outdoor) for most of the day, but engaged with is while doing it. She had an almost half acre (or full acre?) organic garden, canned our food, made complicated meals, kept the house spotless, and, after my parents purchased a hardware store, brought us there with her while she worked part time. She most certainly did not get help from my dad with anything domestic, ever, and the expectation was that domestic tasks were conducted during the "workday".

Despite this tragic neglect at my mother's feet, I grew up to be an excellent student, great college, top law school, highly prestigious jobs, now working in what many would describe as a dream job. Oh, and I know how to take care of my home, make my own meals, and wash my own laundry.

Just imagine how differently my life would have turned out if only my mother had stuck to child-related tasks while caring for me. If only she'd done more reading on hold development, sanitized my toys a bit more often, and researched child friendly events or opportunities. Maybe I'd have been able to make something of myself.

Did your Mom have a home away from yours? Did she only come to your home 5 days a week for eight to ten hours? Did you have a father? Unless your mother had only work hours to accomplish her housekeeping tasks and had no other adult to help her then your comparison is meaningless. Perhaps a good nanny would have taught you what the word "comparable" means.

My father did not help with any domestic chores. No cooking, no laundry, no school planning, no bill paying, very little of the interior or exterior home maintenance (90% my mom) other than mowing or shoveling, no grocery shopping, and little engagement with kids in the evening hours. Mom did baths and bedtime. Dad relaxed with a beer after a hard day's work, if he was home by then. Mom was expected to accomplish all if this during the hours my dad was away, not when he was home, at which time she was expected to attend to him - dinner, spending time with him, etc. "House work" was for the day time. And yet, she accomplished all of this while raising three highly successful children.

And I did learn the definition of comparable. Look, I'll even use it in a sentence: your work ethic is not comparable to hers. To be comparable, it would have to be close enough in nature to be able to compare. Having little or no work ethic (you) means that I cannot legitimately compare it to a strong work ethic (hers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed home with my siblings and me until the youngest was around five. She did household work (both indoor and outdoor) for most of the day, but engaged with is while doing it. She had an almost half acre (or full acre?) organic garden, canned our food, made complicated meals, kept the house spotless, and, after my parents purchased a hardware store, brought us there with her while she worked part time. She most certainly did not get help from my dad with anything domestic, ever, and the expectation was that domestic tasks were conducted during the "workday".

Despite this tragic neglect at my mother's feet, I grew up to be an excellent student, great college, top law school, highly prestigious jobs, now working in what many would describe as a dream job. Oh, and I know how to take care of my home, make my own meals, and wash my own laundry.

Just imagine how differently my life would have turned out if only my mother had stuck to child-related tasks while caring for me. If only she'd done more reading on hold development, sanitized my toys a bit more often, and researched child friendly events or opportunities. Maybe I'd have been able to make something of myself.

Did your Mom have a home away from yours? Did she only come to your home 5 days a week for eight to ten hours? Did you have a father? Unless your mother had only work hours to accomplish her housekeeping tasks and had no other adult to help her then your comparison is meaningless. Perhaps a good nanny would have taught you what the word "comparable" means.

My father did not help with any domestic chores. No cooking, no laundry, no school planning, no bill paying, very little of the interior or exterior home maintenance (90% my mom) other than mowing or shoveling, no grocery shopping, and little engagement with kids in the evening hours. Mom did baths and bedtime. Dad relaxed with a beer after a hard day's work, if he was home by then. Mom was expected to accomplish all if this during the hours my dad was away, not when he was home, at which time she was expected to attend to him - dinner, spending time with him, etc. "House work" was for the day time. And yet, she accomplished all of this while raising three highly successful children.

And I did learn the definition of comparable. Look, I'll even use it in a sentence: your work ethic is not comparable to hers. To be comparable, it would have to be close enough in nature to be able to compare. Having little or no work ethic (you) means that I cannot legitimately compare it to a strong work ethic (hers).

Your mom didn't have a strong work ethic. She was a doormat.
What does this even have to do with this discussion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gotten hilarious! Are you seriously suggesting that doing any non-child related household tasks shortchanges the child? Do you really think it makes a difference to a baby whether you are washing his bottle or his mother's coffee mug? This has to be a troll post, right? A random developmental psych class in college is not a substitute for actual experience with children ...

What household tasks a nanny provides are really between her and her employers. This isn't a one size fits all and there is no "industry standard" here. Most kids nap for 1.5-3 hours a day (in multiple naps or one long one) and when they no longer do that, they are typically in preschool so most nannies have some down time in their day to help out. And IRL every nanny we interviewed volunteered the various household tasks she had previously performed so obviously not all nannies share the views of the nannies on this thread.

Better than using downtime though, our nanny does a number of non-child related things for us including loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, and buying groceries, but I have noticed that she tends to do almost all her household tasks (child related or not) with DC in tow, making them into a fun and engaging game for him. When he was a baby, she'd sit him somewhere safe and talk to him the entire time, narrating what she was doing and holding things up for him to see. When he got old enough to "help" he'd do that too (even though helping sometimes meant sitting in the laundry basket handing armfuls of clothes to her) and now at 2.5, he always wants to rinse off plates after meals or help me unload the dishwasher or "fold" the laundry. We've never asked her to make our bed but I can only imagine that she's find some way of making that into a fun game for DC as well. I think it does make things go slower but it is teaching DC important skills for life as well as keeping him engaged, entertained, and out of trouble. I think the only thing our nanny does while he's napping is vacuum and it takes about ten minutes so she still has plenty of time for a nice long break. Everyone wins and we will do whatever we can to keep her for years!

FWIW - our nanny has repeatedly told us that she considers household tasks like vacuuming and grocery shopping to be "child related" because they benefit the entire family, including the kids, and because they enable us - after a long day of work - to give DC the thing kids really need the most to thrive developmentally - time with his parents.

Yes, I am absolutely asserting that a nanny forced to do housekeeping tasks shortchanges the child. Was that not clear the first three times I wrote it? However, I'm sure you know what is best for your children - hey, not every child grows up to be "college-material". I hear with global warming that the need for air conditioner repair people will be great. Why not look back on your child's most formative years and be proud of the fact that you never had to make your own bed or wash your own stained underpants?!

Did you go to college? Because clearly you have no idea what it takes to be "college-material." You've also clearly never read any child development books because then you would know the benefits to doing household chores while talking to your infant about what you are doing (just like PP said her nanny does). What about children with a SAHP who spends the day doing household chores with their children? Do you think none of those children go to college and go on to be successful?

If a parent posted that they hired someone (not a nanny) to do all those chores including the children's laundry, make beds, clear their rooms etc you'd be the first person to post that parents should be teaching their children those things, not outsourcing them, because the children will grow up entitled never knowing how to do anything for themselves. So it's ok for the parents to show children how to do laundry but not the nanny (who by the way WANTS to do those things). It's fine if, as a nanny, you don't want to do those things but don't pretend it's bad for the children if you do. You just don't want to.

Yes, Dear, I have a masters in Early Childhood Education. What about you? And as smart as my infant charges are, they don't learn anything from watching me do the lazy parent's laundry. Every single nanny posting and I have clearly written that they feel that the charge's laundry, cooking, cleaning and upkeep is the nanny's responsibility.

You really need to stop trying to justify having your nanny made your bed and do your laundry - I'm embarrassed for you.

I would be embarrassed to have a masters and work in someone's home based off of your post. What is the point of a masters. I would think you could not get a job and wonder about you. I care about a mx of education and experience with a mix of willing to learn. A degree may give you a background but it does not teach you to be a partner or caregiver.

When I vacuum, my son takes his and helps. He loves to help. It does not take that much to do a load of laundry and clean 20 minutes a day. You are just entitled and lazy.

[Anonymous]

You are entitled and lazy! You can do your own damn laundry, vacuum your house, and clean your dishes. The idea that someone owes you this is entitled. Add to that list, judgemental elitist. You're just all around disgusting.