Au Pairs will soon lose their "upper hand"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that things are opening up entitled au pairs will no longer be able to demand all kinds of ridiculous perks any more. You are no longer in demand. Can't wait for this interview season.

Maybe the au pair route is not for you? Such hostility.

Damn straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the agencies tell AP’s they are going to experience a cultural exchange by living in America as a member of their host family. Yes, they have to help out with the children, but they will get to see the US!

Then the agencies tell parents they are getting up to 45 hours of childcare from the AP for the average cost of less than $400 per week, and that an AP is experienced and knows how to care for and engage children.

How shocking that people on both sides of this equation are unhappy. I think the agencies need to be far more honest with everyone. Tell the AP’s that childcare can be difficult and isolating, and that the families may not actually see them as new family members. Tell parents that they are practically adopting a grown child who may not fully enjoy working for a low amount of money once they figure out how hard the work can be.

The agencies are blowing smoke up everyone’s butts and happily collecting $10,000+ from each and every family. Seems to me that the agencies are the true issue here.

Sure, they are, but most are for-profit companies. It's not like I'm going to fly to Mexico and screen someone myself. They can charge what they want to do it. It doesn't mean that au pairs deserve the money they are getting in fees for doing their job. It's like saying an employee deserves part of what a recruiter is earning. I'm sure an employer could afford a higher salary for an employee if they weren't paying for a recruiter but it doesn't mean the recruiter is not doing a valuable job. The entire program needs an overhaul but it's clear that if any attention is drawn to it, they will simply end it. I would rather high fees and the ability to eek through my last few years of childcare needs than to draw attention to how much the companies make only to have them shut it down and leave our family in a lurch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the agencies tell AP’s they are going to experience a cultural exchange by living in America as a member of their host family. Yes, they have to help out with the children, but they will get to see the US!

Then the agencies tell parents they are getting up to 45 hours of childcare from the AP for the average cost of less than $400 per week, and that an AP is experienced and knows how to care for and engage children.

How shocking that people on both sides of this equation are unhappy. I think the agencies need to be far more honest with everyone. Tell the AP’s that childcare can be difficult and isolating, and that the families may not actually see them as new family members. Tell parents that they are practically adopting a grown child who may not fully enjoy working for a low amount of money once they figure out how hard the work can be.

The agencies are blowing smoke up everyone’s butts and happily collecting $10,000+ from each and every family. Seems to me that the agencies are the true issue here.

Sure, they are, but most are for-profit companies. It's not like I'm going to fly to Mexico and screen someone myself. They can charge what they want to do it. It doesn't mean that au pairs deserve the money they are getting in fees for doing their job. It's like saying an employee deserves part of what a recruiter is earning. I'm sure an employer could afford a higher salary for an employee if they weren't paying for a recruiter but it doesn't mean the recruiter is not doing a valuable job. The entire program needs an overhaul but it's clear that if any attention is drawn to it, they will simply end it. I would rather high fees and the ability to eek through my last few years of childcare needs than to draw attention to how much the companies make only to have them shut it down and leave our family in a lurch.

Most other countries don’t use agencies and therefore websites like Au pair world are used for parents to screen the candidates themselves, saving them 10k.

Also as a former Au pair who did go through agency in the US and not in other countries, host families who screened themselves where way more thorough than agencies. My agency didn’t even check my references and judging by the amount of rematches, it’s hard to agree that agencies provide a screening that is remotely 10k worth.

Even with agencies I actually ended up finding my host families on my own and brought them back to the agency, who happily collected the money for my work and offered very little support or little of value through the entirety of my stay.

[Anonymous]

AU Pair mom here. I found my first Au Pair thru an agency and the next 2 on my own. The 2nd one was the best friend of the first au pair and she came to visit in part to "check out the situation." She knew ahead of tine I was a single mom with one kid and could not offer any "extras." It was, however, an easy situation to have. There was no tension in the house, I never asked her to clean anything/laundry other than for my daughter, there was no car for her, no private bathroom, etc. But we live near a major metro station in suburban DC and there are also buses galore.They get monthly passes from me, unlimited of course.

Same way I got my 3rd (current) au pair . The second and third au pairs basically used their 2-week visit with us as an "observation" session to see if they would want the situation. I was very honest about them getting "better situations" but the stories they knew from others did not convince them to turn away my offer. Plus I speak their native language competently and had traveled to their country several times so they felt very comfortable with me.

It's been wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, we paid our au pair $300/week for one child and we ended up getting screwed over at the end. You don't know what you are talking about, unless cultural exchange to you just involves hanging out at the mall, only finding other girls from your country to gossip with, or sitting in your room all day watching hulu and skyping with your friends back home.

Honey!! I’d love to see you engaging in a different country. With a different language, traditions, culture, sense of humor, weather, without ANY family and friends and living in a house with a bitchy mom that complains about her Au pair not being enough mother for her children. If you can afford $300 dlls plus housing and paying an agency, why don’t you just quit your job and do it by yourself? I’m sure you can’t handle it any better sweetie.

In America, women can work and have their own lives and it's not something to be ashamed of. Women are not expected to stay home any more than dads are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, we paid our au pair $300/week for one child and we ended up getting screwed over at the end. You don't know what you are talking about, unless cultural exchange to you just involves hanging out at the mall, only finding other girls from your country to gossip with, or sitting in your room all day watching hulu and skyping with your friends back home.

Honey!! I’d love to see you engaging in a different country. With a different language, traditions, culture, sense of humor, weather, without ANY family and friends and living in a house with a bitchy mom that complains about her Au pair not being enough mother for her children. If you can afford $300 dlls plus housing and paying an agency, why don’t you just quit your job and do it by yourself? I’m sure you can’t handle it any better sweetie.

In America, women can work and have their own lives and it's not something to be ashamed of. Women are not expected to stay home any more than dads are.

Seriously, the PP is probably one of those who gets jealous of the au pair for being around the kids more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, we paid our au pair $300/week for one child and we ended up getting screwed over at the end. You don't know what you are talking about, unless cultural exchange to you just involves hanging out at the mall, only finding other girls from your country to gossip with, or sitting in your room all day watching hulu and skyping with your friends back home.

Honey!! I’d love to see you engaging in a different country. With a different language, traditions, culture, sense of humor, weather, without ANY family and friends and living in a house with a bitchy mom that complains about her Au pair not being enough mother for her children. If you can afford $300 dlls plus housing and paying an agency, why don’t you just quit your job and do it by yourself? I’m sure you can’t handle it any better sweetie.

In America, women can work and have their own lives and it's not something to be ashamed of. Women are not expected to stay home any more than dads are.

Seriously, the PP is probably one of those who gets jealous of the au pair for being around the kids more

I really hate divisive comments like this. Host mothers are not "jealous" of their au pairs. Are you in seventh grade?! At best, we are disappointed that our society does not value working mothers, and as a result, we are forced to constantly balance our careers - which we have spent the last X years pursuing - and our children, who are the most important people in our lives. I have literally never been jealous of any of my child care providers. I've been grateful for them. Disappointed in them at times. Amazed by them. But jealous of them because they are "around my kids" while I'm working? No.

And this bullshit "why don't you just quit your job and do it by yourself?" Could you be less supportive? If you don't want to be a child care provider, go do something else. And if you, down the road, decide that you'd like to have a career and a family, and you need to rely on childcare to make that happen, you can thank the countless women before you who didn't "quit" and instead figured out a way to do both. Dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, we paid our au pair $300/week for one child and we ended up getting screwed over at the end. You don't know what you are talking about, unless cultural exchange to you just involves hanging out at the mall, only finding other girls from your country to gossip with, or sitting in your room all day watching hulu and skyping with your friends back home.

Honey!! I’d love to see you engaging in a different country. With a different language, traditions, culture, sense of humor, weather, without ANY family and friends and living in a house with a bitchy mom that complains about her Au pair not being enough mother for her children. If you can afford $300 dlls plus housing and paying an agency, why don’t you just quit your job and do it by yourself? I’m sure you can’t handle it any better sweetie.

In America, women can work and have their own lives and it's not something to be ashamed of. Women are not expected to stay home any more than dads are.

Seriously, the PP is probably one of those who gets jealous of the au pair for being around the kids more

I really hate divisive comments like this. Host mothers are not "jealous" of their au pairs. Are you in seventh grade?! At best, we are disappointed that our society does not value working mothers, and as a result, we are forced to constantly balance our careers - which we have spent the last X years pursuing - and our children, who are the most important people in our lives. I have literally never been jealous of any of my child care providers. I've been grateful for them. Disappointed in them at times. Amazed by them. But jealous of them because they are "around my kids" while I'm working? No.

And this bullshit "why don't you just quit your job and do it by yourself?" Could you be less supportive? If you don't want to be a child care provider, go do something else. And if you, down the road, decide that you'd like to have a career and a family, and you need to rely on childcare to make that happen, you can thank the countless women before you who didn't "quit" and instead figured out a way to do both. Dumbass.

+1000 I'm not jealous of someone who is in their 20s. Been there, done that and happy to have a healthy family and bank account now.

[Anonymous]

I thank the child care providers that helped me raise my child, not some crazed "mom" that not only outsources yet is entitled and critical.

You act like the world owes you a fancy career. You could have remained child free by choice yet you didn't and now the 20 y.o. AP doesn't meet your expectations??? Get out of town. If you don't like the hired help, do it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank the child care providers that helped me raise my child, not some crazed "mom" that not only outsources yet is entitled and critical.

You act like the world owes you a fancy career. You could have remained child free by choice yet you didn't and now the 20 y.o. AP doesn't meet your expectations??? Get out of town. If you don't like the hired help, do it yourself.

Sure Jan or Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thank the child care providers that helped me raise my child, not some crazed "mom" that not only outsources yet is entitled and critical.

You act like the world owes you a fancy career. You could have remained child free by choice yet you didn't and now the 20 y.o. AP doesn't meet your expectations??? Get out of town. If you don't like the hired help, do it yourself.

Totally agree. I thank them when they are doing a good job. When they are not delivering, I give feedback and an opportunity to improve. If it doesn't work and/or I feel like I am being taken for a ride, I do take action. Just like my workplace would treat me if I wasn't delivering on my job. Interesting you put mom in quotes. You do realize we are in 2021, right? Or are you in the Handmaid's tale?

[Anonymous]

"Mom" SHOULD be in quotes for many out-sourcing women on this board, I mean, why do you need child care from 7am-8pm?? WTF did you have children for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom" SHOULD be in quotes for many out-sourcing women on this board, I mean, why do you need child care from 7am-8pm?? WTF did you have children for?

Sometimes things change, and now mom who intended to be pt at work is the breadwinner. Sometimes she’s now a single mom. Sometimes she has a medical condition that limits what she can do solo. Sometimes she’s going through a mental health challenge, and childcare is what helps her through so she can be present for her kids when she can. Sometimes she gets a surprise promotion and prioritizes her career so that her children can see that mom is more than just mom. Sometimes she’s trying to work and put herself through school. Sometimes she needs to find time to carve out 20 minutes of child-free, work-free “me” time. Sometimes the doctor gives her an ultimatum to increase exercise or not be there for her kids in a few years.

Sometimes others need to think before judging...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom" SHOULD be in quotes for many out-sourcing women on this board, I mean, why do you need child care from 7am-8pm?? WTF did you have children for?

“Woman” should be in quotes for many au pairs or professional nannies who troll this board. I mean, if you hate women so much, why be one or have daughters? WTF did your mother do to you that you resent so much? Why have daughters and encourage them to like, go to school if you so clearly believe women (not the men whose patriarchy you wear like a shiny glove) are to be punished for like, daring to have careers? Careers ebb and flow, at some points you are on-call around the clock and sometimes less. We’re in a pandemic also - perhaps instead of spewing your misogynistic bile you work through your mommy issues in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom" SHOULD be in quotes for many out-sourcing women on this board, I mean, why do you need child care from 7am-8pm?? WTF did you have children for?

That would violate rules anyway. Try again.