"Nanny as Parent" phenomenon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What percentage of nannies are 24 hour nannies? I bet a tiny number. What percentage are live-ins? Again, a small no.

The OP tries to criticize and undermine parents based on what? Crazy nonsense speculation about "white mass killers"?

It's sad.

+1

[Anonymous]

How many primary care givers are too many,

during an infant's / toddler's

first foundational years of life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How many primary care givers are too many,

during an infant's / toddler's

first foundational years of life?

How about this scenario for a four month old:

Grandma/Grandpa have the baby Tue & Thur
Nanny has the baby Wed & Fri
Nanny #2 has the baby Mon
Parents have the baby Sat & Sun

Technically that's 6 primary caregivers in one week, but as long as they're all loving to the baby and have good relationships with each other, it seems perfectly healthy to me. What does it say to the child, as she gets older? It says she has a huge number of caring adults there to help her and support her - surely that's a good thing.

If what you're asking is how many nannies can absentee parents cycle through without doing damage, that's another scenario - but not nearly as common as people on this forum like to make it seem. I actually think it becomes more of a problem in the elementary years, cycling through caregivers, than it does in the foundational years. While the quality of care is important in the early years, and bonding is essential, I don't think it harms a child to go through a couple of nannies and then into preschool - like my earlier example, it just indicates a large number of trustworthy adults s/he can count on.

[Anonymous]

Only two nannies until preschool? I'd count my blessings! Now how many of us even know such a lucky child? Personally, I know lots of children who have cycled through a dozen nannies by preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only two nannies until preschool? I'd count my blessings! Now how many of us even know such a lucky child? Personally, I know lots of children who have cycled through a dozen nannies by preschool.

A dozen nannies in the first 3 years of life? A new nanny every four months, then?

I don't think anyone here is disagreeing that THAT would be unhealthy. It's also not common and I doubt you know "lots." If you do, I am very sorry for those children. All of the families I work for, and most of the families I know, hire nanies on 1-2 year commitments and keep them as long as they possibly can.

[Anonymous]

I see most children doing kindergarten at age five, preschool at age four.

I don't know where you are, but if you read enough of this board, parents are firing, and nannies are quitting, at the drop of a pin. You'd think they are incapable of conversing with each other.

Count how many posts there are about, "Is this (or that), ok?" Of course when I suggest, "Just ask her, people go crazy with my "rudeness". It appears that the most obvious straight forward answer, is also the most painfully horrific answer to consider. How can we on this board, possibly imagine, how the nanny or mb feels about every little thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the 24hr nannies day is never done. Even those who work 10-12hr days. The nanny is the only one the kid sees. And the high hour nannies get burnout faster, and quit more often. I think this is what OP was saying.

Having a nanny PT or 40hrs a week allows for some parenting time. But, when your nanny is there from when child wakes up, and is the one putting her to sleep, up during the night while child is sick... That is taking over from parent.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What percentage of nannies are 24 hour nannies? I bet a tiny number. What percentage are live-ins? Again, a small no.

The OP tries to criticize and undermine parents based on what? Crazy nonsense speculation about "white mass killers"?

It's sad.

Here in NYC there is percentage of 24hr, live-in, and long hour nannies. I had a very hard time finding a position that was not one of these things. 50+ hours is the norm. In DC, I didn't see too many 24hr nanny positions, but there was a high number of live-in or high hour jobs.

I feel that the parents that say the few hours they do spend with their children are quality hours. IMHO, this is BS! In my long term experience, I see the parents try to make up the time by spoiling their kids rotten with "things", and being lax with discipline. Making the nanny do all the parenting. It is sad.

[Anonymous]

There is a *HIGH percentage of 24hr nannies.

[Anonymous]

No way is there a "high" percentage of 24 hr nannies. I think super rich people have these and agree it's really said for the kids.

Most more upper middle class families using nannies though I bet are at most using them for 50 hrs and that's due to commute and simply not being able to flexibly shift time at a regular 8/9 hr job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Since I've been in the world for so many years, I'd have to say, that most nannies are sadly disappointed with how little most parents know their children. Hence, so very much resentment.

It's hard to ignore what you know is plain wrong.

I find it disappointing that nannies with all that resentment are in the business of caring for children. Really, nannies, your judgmental attitudes are really unflattering to you and your profession.

I find it disappointing that (some) parents don't want to actually parent.

[Anonymous]

Here in NYC there is percentage of 24hr, live-in, and long hour nannies. I had a very hard time finding a position that was not one of these things. 50+ hours is the norm. In DC, I didn't see too many 24hr nanny positions, but there was a high number of live-in or high hour jobs.

I feel that the parents that say the few hours they do spend with their children are quality hours. IMHO, this is BS! In my long term experience, I see the parents try to make up the time by spoiling their kids rotten with "things", and being lax with discipline. Making the nanny do all the parenting. It is sad.

There is a big difference between a 24 hour job and an 8-6pm 50 hour job. The 50 hour jobs generally allow for a parent to work 40 hours plus 2 hours a day for a commute which seems common in the suburbs. The nanny isn't becoming the parent in the 50 hours jobs and her role is only for a few years until the child start preschool and school.

I have school age kids and they don't get home from the school bus until 4pm. We have a part time nanny from 4-6:00-6:30 who takes them to their sports activities, play dates and starts dinner. They have a blast playing sports and playing with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Once your kids are in school, it's fine. It's in the early years that infants and toddlers require a stable, intellegent, and loving primary caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I've seen lots of accolades on this forum for well-deserving parents. (Check out the "favorite nanny perks" thread, for example.) Lots of parents appreciate and honor the nanny.

No one is painting all parents with a broad brush. There is just as much bad parenting, as there is bad nannying. I think almost anyone would agree with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once your kids are in school, it's fine. It's in the early years that infants and toddlers require a stable, intellegent, and loving primary caregiver.

The irony!