Au Pair is super low energy

[Anonymous]

You are an adult OP, you must realize that you’re not actually offering a ‘flexible’ schedule because she can’t plan around the unpredictability of her schedule to meet up with friends, etc.

You seem keen to argue your point, rather than consider the feedback of several experienced HF’s:
- Your schedule is terrible and not conducive to your AP having a social life and enjoying her time here.
- You absolutely should not expect her to work every weekend. You have her waking up with your kids, managing them from camp pick-up through the end of the night … and she’s working 6 days a week every week. She’s not ‘low energy’, you are exploiting her and running her ragged.
- If you can afford a housekeeper 4?!? days a week (seems excessive, but hey it’s your money ), then you absolutely can afford to bring a consistent babysitter in on the weekends rather that running your AP ragged. Or better yet, take some of the extra money to hire more help for your events company so that you can actually spend some time with your kids (harsh statement but from what I read 100% true)
- You deem your housekeeper, fake schedule flexibility, and ‘fun’ events like your 4th of July party as perks, but they are not. Perks to an AP is extra money, time off for socializing and traveling, lowered expectations (because they aren’t Nannie’s), and not expecting laundry 5 days a week.

Lastly, I do not believe for a minute that your AP wasn’t working during your 4th of July party, which is why she is asking for extra pay for it. No family that is (ridiculously) comfortable with the AP working 6 days a week and being with their kids nearly all waking hours that they aren’t at camp, suddenly switches to not having her work during your party.

I sincerely hope that she re-matches.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your AP picking your kids up from camp that ends at 4? If so, you also need to include that in your AP hour time calculation.

For example, if she needs to leave the house at 3:40pm to pick your kids up, then her afternoon hours are 3:40-8pm, which adds an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes to her schedule each week.

Just because you *can* go up to 45 hours a week, as an experienced HF, it is not advisable to push this address I’ve schedule every week.

(From a Reddit POV) YTA - You are the axx… in this schedule / childcare scenario / terrible AP experience, and more. They are young ladies, and are not here to be your dedicated nanny or to raise your kids (they are here to help).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your AP picking your kids up from camp that ends at 4? If so, you also need to include that in your AP hour time calculation.

For example, if she needs to leave the house at 3:40pm to pick your kids up, then her afternoon hours are 3:40-8pm, which adds an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes to her schedule each week.

Just because you *can* go up to 45 hours a week, as an experienced HF, it is not advisable to push this address I’ve schedule every week.

(From a Reddit POV) YTA - You are the axx… in this schedule / childcare scenario / terrible AP experience, and more. They are young ladies, and are not here to be your dedicated nanny or to raise your kids (they are here to help).

They take a bus to and from camp that drops them at our home. They’re not actually home until closer to 5 most days
She rarely works 40 hours because there are always days that we don’t need her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult OP, you must realize that you’re not actually offering a ‘flexible’ schedule because she can’t plan around the unpredictability of her schedule to meet up with friends, etc.

You seem keen to argue your point, rather than consider the feedback of several experienced HF’s:
- Your schedule is terrible and not conducive to your AP having a social life and enjoying her time here.
- You absolutely should not expect her to work every weekend. You have her waking up with your kids, managing them from camp pick-up through the end of the night … and she’s working 6 days a week every week. She’s not ‘low energy’, you are exploiting her and running her ragged.
- If you can afford a housekeeper 4?!? days a week (seems excessive, but hey it’s your money ), then you absolutely can afford to bring a consistent babysitter in on the weekends rather that running your AP ragged. Or better yet, take some of the extra money to hire more help for your events company so that you can actually spend some time with your kids (harsh statement but from what I read 100% true)
- You deem your housekeeper, fake schedule flexibility, and ‘fun’ events like your 4th of July party as perks, but they are not. Perks to an AP is extra money, time off for socializing and traveling, lowered expectations (because they aren’t Nannie’s), and not expecting laundry 5 days a week.

Lastly, I do not believe for a minute that your AP wasn’t working during your 4th of July party, which is why she is asking for extra pay for it. No family that is (ridiculously) comfortable with the AP working 6 days a week and being with their kids nearly all waking hours that they aren’t at camp, suddenly switches to not having her work during your party.

I sincerely hope that she re-matches.

The last two APs have had exactly the same schedule, both stayed for two years. Both loved it and we stay in touch with them
There is a lot of flexibility with our arrangement and she can take it or leave it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your AP picking your kids up from camp that ends at 4? If so, you also need to include that in your AP hour time calculation.

For example, if she needs to leave the house at 3:40pm to pick your kids up, then her afternoon hours are 3:40-8pm, which adds an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes to her schedule each week.

Just because you *can* go up to 45 hours a week, as an experienced HF, it is not advisable to push this address I’ve schedule every week.

(From a Reddit POV) YTA - You are the axx… in this schedule / childcare scenario / terrible AP experience, and more. They are young ladies, and are not here to be your dedicated nanny or to raise your kids (they are here to help).

They take a bus to and from camp that drops them at our home. They’re not actually home until closer to 5 most days
She rarely works 40 hours because there are always days that we don’t need her

Funny how the story keeps changing. She is on call until you decide you don't need her. Thats not an easy schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult OP, you must realize that you’re not actually offering a ‘flexible’ schedule because she can’t plan around the unpredictability of her schedule to meet up with friends, etc.

You seem keen to argue your point, rather than consider the feedback of several experienced HF’s:
- Your schedule is terrible and not conducive to your AP having a social life and enjoying her time here.
- You absolutely should not expect her to work every weekend. You have her waking up with your kids, managing them from camp pick-up through the end of the night … and she’s working 6 days a week every week. She’s not ‘low energy’, you are exploiting her and running her ragged.
- If you can afford a housekeeper 4?!? days a week (seems excessive, but hey it’s your money ), then you absolutely can afford to bring a consistent babysitter in on the weekends rather that running your AP ragged. Or better yet, take some of the extra money to hire more help for your events company so that you can actually spend some time with your kids (harsh statement but from what I read 100% true)
- You deem your housekeeper, fake schedule flexibility, and ‘fun’ events like your 4th of July party as perks, but they are not. Perks to an AP is extra money, time off for socializing and traveling, lowered expectations (because they aren’t Nannie’s), and not expecting laundry 5 days a week.

Lastly, I do not believe for a minute that your AP wasn’t working during your 4th of July party, which is why she is asking for extra pay for it. No family that is (ridiculously) comfortable with the AP working 6 days a week and being with their kids nearly all waking hours that they aren’t at camp, suddenly switches to not having her work during your party.

I sincerely hope that she re-matches.

The last two APs have had exactly the same schedule, both stayed for two years. Both loved it and we stay in touch with them
There is a lot of flexibility with our arrangement and she can take it or leave it

Maybe the problem is you. You come across pretty nasty and uncaring.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here.

Honestly, I would have hated your schedule.
It doesn't allow the AP to go out with friends after work and on the weekend.
Most APs are off way before 8pm and are free on weekend.
They come to America for the experience and to go out and enjoy themselves.
When you arrive and the girls contact you, they'll simply stop asking you to go out if you say you're off at 8pm or unavailable on Saturdays. That's why she didn't make friends.

This girl clearly shouldn't have accepted your offer and I also think the Au Pair route wasn't right for you.
I absolutely do not believe you've had happy Au Pairs before her, that's just impossible with such a schedule.
I'm not even mentioning the early hours which would tire any one who already finished at 8pm the day before.

[Anonymous]

I think your schedule works for some Au ours - those who want to study, work out, etc during the day, introverts, etc. I would have loved this schedule - it gives the Au pair the best part of the day to herself.

This schedule won’t work if the Au pair likes going out at night / is social with other Au pairs who go out at night. But that’s not all au pairs. Our Au pair told us everyone in her group hung out during the day while kids were in school. We had a 2 year old so AP’s workday was 1130 am - 530 pm and she complained she couldn’t be social because of the schedule.

I’d suggest you give her every other weekend off - hire a sitter for those days instead.

I wrote about my AP on here. She saw via Instagram that her ex “boyfriend” (they dated for a few months, a year earlier) had a new girlfriend. She got so upset that she chucked a teddy bear at my 4 year old’s head. Does that sound like a mentally stable person? No. And your description of your AP reminds me of my AP. I think you should rematch before this ex bf moves on and she takes it out on your kids.

[Anonymous]

APs are requited to have a day and a half off /week and 1 weekend off per month, and no more than 45 hrs/week. If AP wants something different, then it is her preference and she should have thought of those things before accepting. If she wants something different, become an exchange student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:APs are requited to have a day and a half off /week and 1 weekend off per month, and no more than 45 hrs/week. If AP wants something different, then it is her preference and she should have thought of those things before accepting. If she wants something different, become an exchange student.

But OP isn't giving 1.5 days off per week. They're not stating which weekend she'll have off ahead of time so that she can make plans.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she only gets one full day off per week? I'd be exhausted too, even with the time off in the middle of the day. I need two full days off in order to feel refreshed--especially if getting up early for the kids 6 days a week.

[Anonymous]

OP - my sense is that the flexibility of the schedule is all on your side. From her perspective, it is chaotic and difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your AP picking your kids up from camp that ends at 4? If so, you also need to include that in your AP hour time calculation.

For example, if she needs to leave the house at 3:40pm to pick your kids up, then her afternoon hours are 3:40-8pm, which adds an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes to her schedule each week.

Just because you *can* go up to 45 hours a week, as an experienced HF, it is not advisable to push this address I’ve schedule every week.

(From a Reddit POV) YTA - You are the axx… in this schedule / childcare scenario / terrible AP experience, and more. They are young ladies, and are not here to be your dedicated nanny or to raise your kids (they are here to help).

They take a bus to and from camp that drops them at our home. They’re not actually home until closer to 5 most days
She rarely works 40 hours because there are always days that we don’t need her

Then why did you say that she works 4-8? What is her actual schedule and how much notice does she have of schedule changes?

[Anonymous]

My impression is that what used to be fine with many APs in terms of schedule and amenities has changed in the past couple years - kind of a COVID driven "arms race" where families competed to get and keep au pairs in a difficult time and kind of bent over backwards, and now APs expect the perks and easy schedules - plus more and more social media driven comparisons. So, OP even if past APs liked the schedule and stayed 2 years I think the world has evolved...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your AP picking your kids up from camp that ends at 4? If so, you also need to include that in your AP hour time calculation.

For example, if she needs to leave the house at 3:40pm to pick your kids up, then her afternoon hours are 3:40-8pm, which adds an additional 1 hour and 40 minutes to her schedule each week.

Just because you *can* go up to 45 hours a week, as an experienced HF, it is not advisable to push this address I’ve schedule every week.

(From a Reddit POV) YTA - You are the axx… in this schedule / childcare scenario / terrible AP experience, and more. They are young ladies, and are not here to be your dedicated nanny or to raise your kids (they are here to help).

They take a bus to and from camp that drops them at our home. They’re not actually home until closer to 5 most days
She rarely works 40 hours because there are always days that we don’t need her

Then why did you say that she works 4-8? What is her actual schedule and how much notice does she have of schedule changes?

OP - I stopped commenting because someone else was answering for me.
We rematched and all is good. Thank you