Au Pair is super low energy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

Op has a housekeeper 4 days a week. Housekeeper should do laundry and beds. I don’t get why one needs child care on the 4th and if AP is working, that is not fun for her.

Op AP has to work late at night and turn around and be up in the AM. So, it makes it hard to go out with friends.

We had our fireworks party on the 4th and she didn’t have any plans so we included her in our fun. She wasn’t technically working, plus DH and I were there with our friends and extended family. We included her so she could experience the festivities and then afterwards she asked for double pay!

Was she taking care of the kids at the party?

No

[Anonymous]

As long as HF is within the rules, it's fine. She may gripe, then she needs to find another family. And Au Pairs don't get double pay. GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

I wish I had your information I’d report you for abuse. You're gross and rules or not you’re just not a decent person. You exploit someone because you’re “following the rules “ you barely have your children/want to be bothered with them. I pray that poor girl finds another family soon to get far away from you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Prospective host dad here, getting very frustrated with the pool of applicants. That said, I agree--your kids need to learn to clean up after themselves. We would ask our au pair to supervise our kids cleaning up after themselves, but that the au pair shouldn't be doing this herself. The point is for our kids to learn to be responsible.

Just wait until you actually host for the first time....

have hosted for 10 years and have never heard of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

I wish I had your information I’d report you for abuse. You're gross and rules or not you’re just not a decent person. You exploit someone because you’re “following the rules “ you barely have your children/want to be bothered with them. I pray that poor girl finds another family soon to get far away from you!

Honestly, what are you talking about? What rules have been broken?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

I wish I had your information I’d report you for abuse. You're gross and rules or not you’re just not a decent person. You exploit someone because you’re “following the rules “ you barely have your children/want to be bothered with them. I pray that poor girl finds another family soon to get far away from you!

DP. You need therapy for your mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

I wish I had your information I’d report you for abuse. You're gross and rules or not you’re just not a decent person. You exploit someone because you’re “following the rules “ you barely have your children/want to be bothered with them. I pray that poor girl finds another family soon to get far away from you!

Honestly, what are you talking about? What rules have been broken?

No rules have been broken. It's a bitter nanny troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible I hope she finds a new family soon. You are basically exploiting someone but you think and really believe you’re in the right. I’d be depressed too if I had to work for you.

OP is following the rules. Not breaking them. AP (and you) need to grow up

I wish I had your information I’d report you for abuse. You're gross and rules or not you’re just not a decent person. You exploit someone because you’re “following the rules “ you barely have your children/want to be bothered with them. I pray that poor girl finds another family soon to get far away from you!

Dear Karen,
Sorry you gave up your excuse of a career to be with kids that you can't stand and a husband that you can't stand. Please get therapy and stop wishing you could report anonymous posters for following rules that are in accordance with the state department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 23yo AP who started in May. Her boyfriend broke up with her when she left home so she was crying and depressed for the first few weeks. We’ve been traveling for summer and taking her to fun places and activities. She’s very low energy generally but mostly she’s also sad. I spoke to her about it and she said it’s because of the job. Our kids are 8 and 10yo, she works 7-10am and then 4-8pm and one full day on the weekends. We asked her to make the kids beds and do their laundry each day but she said she shouldn’t have to do this stuff. The kids are at camp from 8-4pm each day so it’s only for two hours each morning.
Our kids do like her but it feels like she’s fragile and immature. Some mornings she’s late or totally out of it and she always says she’s ‘exhausted’.
What should we do? I sat down with her this morning and she started to cry saying that we’re treating her like a housekeeper. We actually have a housekeeper four days a week!!

They're 8 and 10... why is she making their beds? Also, unless you're starting the wash before 7 or you're doing camp drop off, how does she have time to wash, dry and fold (and why does it need to be done everyday)?

She does sound like she thought it would only be hands-on with the kids. Did you send a handbook with your expectations and check that she read it prior to matching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an aupair whose English skills were extremely limited and she felt like an outsider and depressed because she didn’t feel like part of our family. We couldn’t really bond (we tried) because of the language barrier.
If you are treating her “like family” and giving her ways to bond, then you are not treating her like a housekeeper or overworking her.
And she needs to be on time. That’s crazy. The commute is probably like 14 steps.

Thanks. She always has one airpod in her ear so she doesn’t engage with us that much.
Sometimes she’s happy and more light hearted so I can’t tell what the issue really is, or if it’s anything we can fix.
Her English is good but she’s moody and that energy is tough as she’s also unreliable and inconsistent in her work
Sometimes she remembers to write on the grocery list that we need milk, sometimes she doesn’t. It’s annoying

Bolded is separate. I don't always remember... it annoys me too!

No airpods while working. Two weeks to figure out if she can learn to like it here or she's in rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

Op has a housekeeper 4 days a week. Housekeeper should do laundry and beds. I don’t get why one needs child care on the 4th and if AP is working, that is not fun for her.

Op AP has to work late at night and turn around and be up in the AM. So, it makes it hard to go out with friends.

We had our fireworks party on the 4th and she didn’t have any plans so we included her in our fun. She wasn’t technically working, plus DH and I were there with our friends and extended family. We included her so she could experience the festivities and then afterwards she asked for double pay!

Sounds like she felt she was working, whether you intended it that way or not.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you scheduled her for those hours is just making her life difficult. she can't pre-plan anything even if you come home early sometimes and give her flexibility. That is a flexibility to you but not to her. She can't make last minute plans and no one would be just on call for her to hangout.

However, having ear pod in all the time while working is not acceptable. Not doing kid's laundry is not acceptable either if both parties agreed before match.

[Anonymous]

She is probably depressed that she has to work every weekend.