Au Pair is super low energy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Why would anyone pay double?

Because it’s a federal holiday which she worked

Doesn't matter. HFs are not obligated to pay double on a federal holiday.

OP - thanks this was our understanding of it too. Our AP is clearly getting bad info from different sources but either way I think it will be better if she moves on

[Anonymous]

She sounds depressed and like a bad fit for your family. She should go home but maybe she wants to rematch to a family where she is busier during the day with little kids, which may make her feel “better” because it’s busywork.
I also have older kids and a housekeeper and still expect our ap to do the kids laundry and help make sure their rooms and common areas are tidy. That sometimes means she bugs them to do it and sometimes it means she does it, but my expectation is that their beds are made daily, etc.
If my ap was chronically late and could not complete simple tasks I’d move on immediately. I’ve been hosting since my kids were babies and they are 8-12 now so tasks have evolved. Our first ap was super low energy but she basically just took care of our youngest who was a baby and she was great with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds depressed and like a bad fit for your family. She should go home but maybe she wants to rematch to a family where she is busier during the day with little kids, which may make her feel “better” because it’s busywork.
I also have older kids and a housekeeper and still expect our ap to do the kids laundry and help make sure their rooms and common areas are tidy. That sometimes means she bugs them to do it and sometimes it means she does it, but my expectation is that their beds are made daily, etc.
If my ap was chronically late and could not complete simple tasks I’d move on immediately. I’ve been hosting since my kids were babies and they are 8-12 now so tasks have evolved. Our first ap was super low energy but she basically just took care of our youngest who was a baby and she was great with him.

Thanks so much for this perspective
I agree that AP is depressed, whether it’s because of this environment or something else
The role is not that taxing but it does feel like we need to move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Why would anyone pay double?

Because it’s a federal holiday which she worked

So what? How many Americans get paid double for working federal holidays? 2%? Why would that be an entitlement? I work federal holidays not infrequently and I don’t get paid more. Holidays are half the reason people with school aged kids need Au pairs.

[Anonymous]

What you consider is really fun is not fun for an adult, but for a family. You have her working really crummy weekday hours if its every evening and one weekend day a week. She really cannot do much during the day if she has to be on call if the kids are sick, etc. Sounds like she is the primary parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 23yo AP who started in May. Her boyfriend broke up with her when she left home so she was crying and depressed for the first few weeks. We’ve been traveling for summer and taking her to fun places and activities. She’s very low energy generally but mostly she’s also sad. I spoke to her about it and she said it’s because of the job. Our kids are 8 and 10yo, she works 7-10am and then 4-8pm and one full day on the weekends. We asked her to make the kids beds and do their laundry each day but she said she shouldn’t have to do this stuff. The kids are at camp from 8-4pm each day so it’s only for two hours each morning.
Our kids do like her but it feels like she’s fragile and immature. Some mornings she’s late or totally out of it and she always says she’s ‘exhausted’.
What should we do? I sat down with her this morning and she started to cry saying that we’re treating her like a housekeeper. We actually have a housekeeper four days a week!!

7-10 AM is 3 hours.
4-8 PM is 4 hours.
So, 7 hours a day, split shift (which sucks) - 35 hours
Plus, another 8 hours or more on a weekend... really bad schedule. She's basically working all the time.

If you have a housekeeper 4 days a week, why is she cleaning or doing laundry. The housekeeper or kids, given their age can make the beds. The kids can fold/put away their laundry if the housekeeper washes it.

What exactly do you do beyond take care of the kids one day a week? She's basically the primary parent if she does every evening and one weekend.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

Op has a housekeeper 4 days a week. Housekeeper should do laundry and beds. I don’t get why one needs child care on the 4th and if AP is working, that is not fun for her.

Op AP has to work late at night and turn around and be up in the AM. So, it makes it hard to go out with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you consider is really fun is not fun for an adult, but for a family. You have her working really crummy weekday hours if its every evening and one weekend day a week. She really cannot do much during the day if she has to be on call if the kids are sick, etc. Sounds like she is the primary parent.

She’s not on call and I mentioned earlier that if we’re home early or not working that day she’s off. She gets a lot of flexibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

Op has a housekeeper 4 days a week. Housekeeper should do laundry and beds. I don’t get why one needs child care on the 4th and if AP is working, that is not fun for her.

Op AP has to work late at night and turn around and be up in the AM. So, it makes it hard to go out with friends.

We had our fireworks party on the 4th and she didn’t have any plans so we included her in our fun. She wasn’t technically working, plus DH and I were there with our friends and extended family. We included her so she could experience the festivities and then afterwards she asked for double pay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 23yo AP who started in May. Her boyfriend broke up with her when she left home so she was crying and depressed for the first few weeks. We’ve been traveling for summer and taking her to fun places and activities. She’s very low energy generally but mostly she’s also sad. I spoke to her about it and she said it’s because of the job. Our kids are 8 and 10yo, she works 7-10am and then 4-8pm and one full day on the weekends. We asked her to make the kids beds and do their laundry each day but she said she shouldn’t have to do this stuff. The kids are at camp from 8-4pm each day so it’s only for two hours each morning.
Our kids do like her but it feels like she’s fragile and immature. Some mornings she’s late or totally out of it and she always says she’s ‘exhausted’.
What should we do? I sat down with her this morning and she started to cry saying that we’re treating her like a housekeeper. We actually have a housekeeper four days a week!!

7-10 AM is 3 hours.
4-8 PM is 4 hours.
So, 7 hours a day, split shift (which sucks) - 35 hours
Plus, another 8 hours or more on a weekend... really bad schedule. She's basically working all the time.

If you have a housekeeper 4 days a week, why is she cleaning or doing laundry. The housekeeper or kids, given their age can make the beds. The kids can fold/put away their laundry if the housekeeper washes it.

What exactly do you do beyond take care of the kids one day a week? She's basically the primary parent if she does every evening and one weekend.

I mentioned this above but any time we’re home or don’t need her she’s off, which is a couple of evenings a week. The morning coverage we need is consistent. She’s doing the kids laundry daily as they’re very active in sports and need all their gear. I don’t actually care when she does it but she kept getting behind so I’ve been trying to help her to develop some positive habits, such as put in one load of the kids laundry each evening. There is no cleaning in her role other than dishwasher and that kind of thing after dinner.

The housekeeper does all the heavy cleaning, bed linens etc.

I understand your point but she knew the ages of our kids and the schedule when she signed up. Also we’ve had others do this schedule and it worked well for them as they studied or stayed active during the afternoons. She sleeps all day every day which makes me think she’s depressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

DH and I run an events business together so we plan for more coverage than we actually need. If she’s working on a weekend it’s to drive one of the kids to a sporting event, wait, drive them home. This weekend we’re off and she has a four day break. We’re flexible week to week but the hours above are the max she’d do. We hired a 23yo because she seemed more mature and would get the role. But there’s something that’s off with her and I don’t think it’s because of our schedule. Even if she has a weekend off she just stays in her room and sleeps. She hasn’t made any friends the way our other APs did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

DH and I run an events business together so we plan for more coverage than we actually need. If she’s working on a weekend it’s to drive one of the kids to a sporting event, wait, drive them home. This weekend we’re off and she has a four day break. We’re flexible week to week but the hours above are the max she’d do. We hired a 23yo because she seemed more mature and would get the role. But there’s something that’s off with her and I don’t think it’s because of our schedule. Even if she has a weekend off she just stays in her room and sleeps. She hasn’t made any friends the way our other APs did

You have her on a crazy schedule that is basically on call and all the hard hours. She is basically their parent. Of course she is tired. Why do you care if she chooses to sleep. Given her work schedule it’s hard to go out or meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the comments above re: your hosting schedule. We have been hosting for almost 7 years, and have never had our AP’s work a weekend day every single weekend, that truly would suck - and why would you need her to do that (unless you’re in medical care)? Your schedule is brutal. If she’s waking up with your kids, with them until 8pm every night, and a weekend day every weekend … when are you guys actually with the kids (not snarky, but a legit question for you to ponder)?

You likely will not get strong AP’s with a schedule like yours. It also does not leave a lot of time for socializing (if her friends are on a different schedule).

I’ve never paid my AP’s double for any holiday, but I also absolutely try not to make them work long hours on a Holiday (this 4th of July, our AP worked from 7:30-11, which gave her plenty of time to have a bbq with her AP friends and watch the fireworks downtown).

All of our AP’s have had to wash the kids clothes (Monday and Friday), and help to make sure that the playroom and their space was somewhat tidy (usually the kids do this, and she does whatever is left of the task after they go to school / camp).

There is no reason for her to do laundry everyday.

It sounds like you *both* need to re-adjust your expectations.

Op has a housekeeper 4 days a week. Housekeeper should do laundry and beds. I don’t get why one needs child care on the 4th and if AP is working, that is not fun for her.

Op AP has to work late at night and turn around and be up in the AM. So, it makes it hard to go out with friends.

We had our fireworks party on the 4th and she didn’t have any plans so we included her in our fun. She wasn’t technically working, plus DH and I were there with our friends and extended family. We included her so she could experience the festivities and then afterwards she asked for double pay!

Was she taking care of the kids at the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you consider is really fun is not fun for an adult, but for a family. You have her working really crummy weekday hours if its every evening and one weekend day a week. She really cannot do much during the day if she has to be on call if the kids are sick, etc. Sounds like she is the primary parent.

She’s not on call and I mentioned earlier that if we’re home early or not working that day she’s off. She gets a lot of flexibility

If she has no notice it’s not flexible.