Husband in his boxers
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Anonymous
How is age relevant? Flashing your genitalia isn’t suddenly okay nor appropriate because the people involved are adults and there is no massive age gap. A 20 year flashing another 20yo isn’t any better than a 40yo exposing his genitalia to a 20yo. The APs aren’t consenting to this. Are you happy with anyone within a 10 year range of you to randomly expose their genitalia to you just because you are all adults with little age gap? You are making light of something that is incredibly questionable. An adult man who can’t help but expect that every AP will somehow “Accidentally” see his junk, to the point he even jokes about it, is not okay. And I would be questioning who I marry and what I teach my kids if his/my sense of humor was based on making fun of young women being exposed to their boss’s penis and implying it’s both okay and hilarious. And I speak as someone who go to clubs where nakedness and sex occurs, so not a prude at all but I STILL think finding that type of behavior funny and appropriate is worrying. When I go to a sex club, I consent to nakedness and being exposed to genitalia, when I go to work I expect to be able to feel safe and not have to fear to see my boss’s privates under any circumstances. |
Anonymous
| I showed our 25 year old AP and she was mortified. They warn APs about this kind of behavior as sexual harassment in training. |
Anonymous
NP, I want to know more about the "sex club" 
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Anonymous
Agree. I guarantee OP's hubby is emotionally abusive and a downright perv and she puts up with it, doesn't challenge him, makes awful sexist jokes in front of the kids, etc. sounds jsut like my BIL |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
I consent to nudity when I step into a swinger or bdsm club, not with my boss. |
Anonymous
Don’t waste your breath, OP. The threads on the nanny forum always go off the rails. You are much better off on the regular DCUM childcare threads. |
Anonymous
Would you walk around naked if you had painters at your house? Your mother in law? father in law? child's teacher? Np? Why not? BECAUSE IT'S INAPPROPRIATE. |
Anonymous
| OP's husband is super horny and OP let's it occur. I hope he does not work with other women . |
Anonymous
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So I think my opinion here is between two extremes. I am probably more comfortable than most with nudity...I just always have been and not because I "get off on it" or because I want to show off my body but it's just that I feel comfortable with other people seeing me naked and I'm comfortable naked. However, I know that not everyone is cool with it so I am respectful about it and keep covered up when I'm not around my immediate family (even at home). Our AP's room is in the daylight basement and ours is on the second floor so I tend to sometimes walk around partially clothed when she's not on duty and I know she won't be upstairs to do something in the kids' room or something. I am always fully dressed when we are on the first floor or in the basement/playroom. My husband also follows this and would throw on a robe if he were going downstairs but definitely walks around in his boxers in the mornings and evenings when we are upstairs.
That said....I've gotten AP opinions on what I'm going to wear to a party and undressed and redressed in front of them and have changed also in front of them for swimming. I also have helped AP shop for a bridesmaid dress and helped them decide what to wear to parties which involved me seeing their boobs. NBD. Our second AP walked in on my husband getting out of the shower when we rented a beach house for a week. They were both embarrassed in the moment but laughed about it later. There's a chance the AP could come up to the second floor when one of us is not fully covered but I'm not going to change my behavior for that unlikely occurrence. It probably also matters at what point in your relationship this stuff is happening. Luckily the AP who walked in on my husband was almost at the end of her year with us and we were close by that point. She was VERY shy and sheltered when she first arrived and could imagine her being totally traumatized if it had happened in the first month or two. |
Anonymous
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This thread just goes to show how poorly some domestic employees are often treated or regarded. They are expected to behave and perform professionally yet they are not given professional environments to actually do their work and live/work comfortably. They are expected to operate under the assumption of being part of the family/friend/roommate whenever its convenient (such as in this case, not that its justified by any means). Its high time we start treating the people who care about families and especially children, like people. None of us would feel okay knowing that our daughter/friend/sister/aunt/mother was living and working in a place where she had no idea if/when she could potentially be exposed to someone's private parts. If any of us worked in any work place where we on several times were exposed to someone's nakedness, we would not think twice about reporting/addressing it.
Somehow its supposed to be excused because its going on in a private home...? Its disturbing to see the number of comments which seem to imply that AP should somehow feel grateful that she hasn't seen more, or should have to be okay with this because she is living in OP's home. The same people making these comments will be at rallies, walks, protests and posting social media hash tags about women's welfare. We need to and can do better. Its simple, OP's husband needs to understand the responsibility that comes with employing someone to work in your home, understand and respect boundaries and that this is not okay for him or the Au Pair. |
Anonymous
| PP: as this is going on, if you do have children above 2 years old, please understand that they are watching what is going on. if their rooms are nearby, they could be aware that Dad walks around in his boxers despite us having another female person (nanny/au pair) who isnt blood family living with us. Children eventually become aware of social norms including things that make others uncomfortable. This is a perfect opportunity to teach them that despite being aware of what makes another person uncomfortable, they don't have to respect that person's boundaries and can in fact continue to violate that person's comfortability in an environment that is meant to also be her safe haven. This is how little boys learn to disrespect boundaries and excuse poor behavior. |
Anonymous
| They are just body parts. Seek therapy.... |
Anonymous
Are you always that obtuse or is today just one of those days? Of course they are just body parts, nobody is out there body shaming. The fact that we all have certain body parts and that there is no shame in having them holds no bearing nor does it give us any right to make others uncomfortable by exposing them. I am sure you wouldn't want your boss showing up to work naked nor your kids teacher's to teach in see-through clothing with no underwear on or totally starkers and if they did, I am sure you wouldn't be tutting ''they are just body parts.'' If you as a parent would feel uncomfortable with anyone exposing their penis to your daughter (or son) regardless of age without their consent, you should be aware as a parent not to expose your private parts to other people's children including adults without their consent. If you can't bother to not flash young people inside your home because putting on a robe is too hard, don't host people in your home (and make sure your kids have access to resources that teaches them about their right to have boundaries around their and other people's bodies since you will not be teaching them that.) People who think they can just flash others because they are ''just body parts'' and that people who aren't willing to put up with it should seek therapy are what's wrong with this world and why women assume they will be dismissed or shut down if they report being sexually harassed and the fact that other women defend this type of behavior and use the same tropes is sickening in all honesty. You have NO idea what people's background are, it's totally possible that your Au Pair /Nanny or whoever else you/your DH are casually flashing have an history of sexual abuse, you have zero idea and because you have zero idea and shouldn't be exposing your genitalia to anyone without consent, you should do what any decent human being naturally does and dress appropriately when around people who work for you and your children. When I visit my friend's house I expect not to be exposed to their genitalia despite being in their home, if you are going to treat your Au Pair like you would treat a family member, treat her like your parents-in-law, if you wouldn't flash FIL or MIL on their yearly 1-week stay at your house and would purposefully make sure you are well-covered around them and would be mortified to be naked in front of FIL, feel similarly about AP, and take the same extra steps to prevent that from ever happening. |
Anonymous
| Oh my g-d. The number of posters here who are so tight their a$$ could crack walnuts is amazing. |