I feel bad that I said no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yesterday at 4:45 she said “I’m going to ask you to stay late. Until 5:30.” I felt this choice of words gave me no choice and I was automatically supposed to say yes. I ended up staying, but I’m getrinf huge anxiety everyday now, not knowing whether I’ll be staying late or not. I think I’m going to have to talk to her. I didn’t want to, but I felt like she was demanding I stay late yesterday. Does it seem that way based in her choice of words? Bc it’s differenr when you say “would you be able to stay late today?” Versus “I’m going to ask you to stay late today” (and she never asked me)

“Okay, and I’m going to say no.”

Seriously, though, that’s a weird, ass-backwards way of asking you to stay late, op. You’re right, the way she said it makes it seem like it was a requirement and it’s completely different than actually coming out and asking you politely. If that’s how she wants to play it, then I would just start declining every single time.

I know you said that your employers are nice, but with the way she underhandedly tried to get information about your after work whereabouts from you (which are absolutely none of her business), and now how she’s essentially telling you that you need to stay late, I can’t see how she’s anything but disrespectful, entitled brat. I hope they’re paying really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yesterday at 4:45 she said “I’m going to ask you to stay late. Until 5:30.” I felt this choice of words gave me no choice and I was automatically supposed to say yes. I ended up staying, but I’m getrinf huge anxiety everyday now, not knowing whether I’ll be staying late or not. I think I’m going to have to talk to her. I didn’t want to, but I felt like she was demanding I stay late yesterday. Does it seem that way based in her choice of words? Bc it’s differenr when you say “would you be able to stay late today?” Versus “I’m going to ask you to stay late today” (and she never asked me)

“Okay, and I’m going to say no.”

Seriously, though, that’s a weird, ass-backwards way of asking you to stay late, op. You’re right, the way she said it makes it seem like it was a requirement and it’s completely different than actually coming out and asking you politely. If that’s how she wants to play it, then I would just start declining every single time.

I know you said that your employers are nice, but with the way she underhandedly tried to get information about your after work whereabouts from you (which are absolutely none of her business), and now how she’s essentially telling you that you need to stay late, I can’t see how she’s anything but disrespectful, entitled brat. I hope they’re paying really well.

Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

I feel like sometimes people don’t even read the thread or they just have poor reading comprehension.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay. If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

She's also saying she has the right to decide what are valid reasons for her to be asked to stay. She's the nanny for the child, not the schedule keeper for the mother. The mother can do wherever she wants during nanny's shift, and whether nanny is available or not for overtime should not be based on what the parent is doing. It should solely be based on whether the nanny is available and willing to work and whether the parent has a need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

"I need to leave on time tonight. If you are going to be late, who is going to be here for hand off?"

"It seems that your needs have changed dramatically. I can't keep working late like this. Can we go back to the shift we negotiated, or should we both look for something elss?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

I feel like sometimes people don’t even read the thread or they just have poor reading comprehension.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay. If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

She's also saying she has the right to decide what are valid reasons for her to be asked to stay. She's the nanny for the child, not the schedule keeper for the mother. The mother can do wherever she wants during nanny's shift, and whether nanny is available or not for overtime should not be based on what the parent is doing. It should solely be based on whether the nanny is available and willing to work and whether the parent has a need.[/quote


Op here. Yea you’re right as I’ve said before, I’m not her time keeper. But I have the right to decline whether or not there’s a “need.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

I’m pretty sure if I say this they’ll want to find someone else. It is completely possible for her to finish her work before 5. She just likes having the option of keeping me late in case she sleeps all morning. But hey that’s not my problem, so I think I will say this to her next week

"I need to leave on time tonight. If you are going to be late, who is going to be here for hand off?"

"It seems that your needs have changed dramatically. I can't keep working late like this. Can we go back to the shift we negotiated, or should we both look for something elss?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

"I need to leave on time tonight. If you are going to be late, who is going to be here for hand off?"

"It seems that your needs have changed dramatically. I can't keep working late like this. Can we go back to the shift we negotiated, or should we both look for something elss?"

I’m pretty sure if I say this they’ll want to find someone else. It is completely possible for her to finish her work before 5. She just likes having the option of keeping me late in case she sleeps all morning. But hey that’s not my problem, so I think I will say this to her next week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

I feel like sometimes people don’t even read the thread or they just have poor reading comprehension.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay. If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

She's also saying she has the right to decide what are valid reasons for her to be asked to stay. She's the nanny for the child, not the schedule keeper for the mother. The mother can do wherever she wants during nanny's shift, and whether nanny is available or not for overtime should not be based on what the parent is doing. It should solely be based on whether the nanny is available and willing to work and whether the parent has a need.

Of course the mother can do whatever she wants for the duration of the nanny’s shift. She is choosing to neglect her work and take advantage of op’s generous nature to facilitate her laziness. By the way, if the nanny doesn’t want to work the overtime, what does it matter the reason behind their choice? You’re starting to sound like the mother.

I’m going to reiterate what I said, with some emphasis and additions to assist you.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay (whatever the reason may be). If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30. Whatever op does beyond that is their choice.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

Is that clear enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

Yeah, she is ridiculous! She had all day to do her shit. She’s testing you, op. I’m so glad you told her you couldn’t stay.

It’s unfair that you have to feel so worried while at work. If you’re uncomfortable consistently saying no, you could tell her that you are busy in the evenings with family and need to be relieved at your scheduled time every day.

Meanwhile, I hate to say it because it’s such a pain, but you might want to start looking for another job. She sounds like a wreck and she’s only gonna drag you down with her. She’ll also probably start getting resentful now that you’re turning her down. I would expect lots of passive-aggressive behavior. She may even go as far as to start looking for your replacement once she sees you won’t budge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

I feel like sometimes people don’t even read the thread or they just have poor reading comprehension.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay. If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

She's also saying she has the right to decide what are valid reasons for her to be asked to stay. She's the nanny for the child, not the schedule keeper for the mother. The mother can do wherever she wants during nanny's shift, and whether nanny is available or not for overtime should not be based on what the parent is doing. It should solely be based on whether the nanny is available and willing to work and whether the parent has a need.

Of course the mother can do whatever she wants for the duration of the nanny’s shift. She is choosing to neglect her work and take advantage of op’s generous nature to facilitate her laziness. By the way, if the nanny doesn’t want to work the overtime, what does it matter the reason behind their choice? You’re starting to sound like the mother.

I’m going to reiterate what I said, with some emphasis and additions to assist you.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay (whatever the reason may be). If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30. Whatever op does beyond that is their choice.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

Is that clear enough?


Haha omg thank you for this! -op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. And I feel that since I said no when she asked me on Monday, she probably thought I wouldn’t say no if she just told me to stay late instead of asking politely.

I’m sure that’s exactly what she’s thinking. She’s attempting a new way of trying to monopolize your time. And she’ll keep doing it that way until you say no again, then she’ll try a new tactic.

It’s totally up to you, op, but my suggestion is to just flat out refuse to work late anymore. She’s manipulative and selfish and she doesn’t even deserve to have a nanny. She certainly doesn’t deserve your kindness or flexibility, either.

Op again.
I’m about ready to quit!!! She comes up to me 1 hour before I have to leave and says she’s gonna run an errand and might be late. I say no you can’t be because I need to leave at my scheduled time. She’s like “oh you’re going out tonight?” And I said yes I am. The balls tos woman has! I swear she’s giving me anxiety. I can’t even come to work anymore and be happy because I’m constantly worried that I’ll be asked to leave late and then feel guilty when I say I can’t

Yeah, she is ridiculous! She had all day to do her shit. She’s testing you, op. I’m so glad you told her you couldn’t stay.

It’s unfair that you have to feel so worried while at work. If you’re uncomfortable consistently saying no, you could tell her that you are busy in the evenings with family and need to be relieved at your scheduled time every day.

Meanwhile, I hate to say it because it’s such a pain, but you might want to start looking for another job. She sounds like a wreck and she’s only gonna drag you down with her. She’ll also probably start getting resentful now that you’re turning her down. I would expect lots of passive-aggressive behavior. She may even go as far as to start looking for your replacement once she sees you won’t budge.

I have been looking for another job for a couple weeks now for other reasons not related to this job. So hopefully I can find one soon, because it seems to me she’s getting passive aggressive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been looking for another job for a couple weeks now for other reasons not related to this job. So hopefully I can find one soon, because it seems to me she’s getting passive aggressive

Good for you, op! I hope something better comes your way soon.