I feel bad that I said no

[Anonymous]

I always work until 5:30, but yesterday at around 4:45 MB asked me to stay for another hour, so until 6:30. I said ok, even though it was kinda last minute. Then at 6:30, as I’m saying my goodbyes to the kids and her, she asks if I can stay longer and I say, I’m sorry, no I can’t. She works from home and it was clear that she still needed to get work done. I felt bad, but I honestly didn’t want to stay. She’s like “I get it, you have a life.” I felt soooo bad because it was clear she needed to finish her work, but I honestly didn’t want to stay any longer.
Last week the same thing happened 3 times, where I was asked to work 1 hours late and I did and right as I’m supposed to leave I’m asked to stay one more hour. And I stayed everytime.
Every single time they ask me to stay late, it’s always last minute and I always say yes. This was the first time I said no and I feel bad. I don’t want them to think I’m inflexible or unwilling to help them out when they really need it. I’m just tired of them asking me to work late last minute. And last night I just didn’t want to stay longer.

[Anonymous]

She should get her work done during the normal hours. Is she paying you OT? Whatever, you should not feel guilty. You have performed your duties as dictated in your contract and if she is so lazy and/or disorganized that she cannot get her work done, it is not your responsibility to bail her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should get her work done during the normal hours. Is she paying you OT? Whatever, you should not feel guilty. You have performed your duties as dictated in your contract and if she is so lazy and/or disorganized that she cannot get her work done, it is not your responsibility to bail her out.

I do get paid OT. Get this—I walked into work today and she said “good morning how are you, did you get where you needed to be yesterday?” And I said “yes.” And then she goes “just to be clear, can you stay late today if need be? I have a lot of work today. And DB is going out of town too.” I said yes. However, I felt like the was trying to figure out what I needed to do last night since I couldn’t stay. I felt like she wanted me to tell her where I went or what I did. Which I’ll never say, because 1. If I say no it’s none of your business what I need to do after because those aren’t my working hours anymore and 2. What does it matter what I did? My answer was no I couldn’t stay late whether I was going home, going out it’s doesnt matter.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk to her about finding a few babysitters she could schedule for crunch times or when DB is away. This is what I did to avoid making my nanny stay too often.

I interviewed several people, and 9/10 times someone would be available especially if I scheduled in advance. This made it much more likely my nanny would happily stay and earn additional overtime on that 1/10 times I couldn't find anyone.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel bad.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to say no OP - especially after you'd already been accommodating.

I don't think it's fine that this is such a regular thing for them/her. She should manage her day and workload better, or she should expand your regular hours.

- MB

[Anonymous]

It's good you said no because you are under no obligation to stay past your time. It's also not very fair of her to ask last minute and put you on the spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to say no OP - especially after you'd already been accommodating.

I don't think it's fine that this is such a regular thing for them/her. She should manage her day and workload better, or she should expand your regular hours.

- MB

Then why did she make me feel guilty by asking me “if I made it to where I was going” I felt that she was trying to find out what I did. I assumed she assumed I was going to tell her what I did.

[Anonymous]

Good for you for having boundaries. If you are interested you can initiate a conversation tomorrow about changing your house. Suggest that since they clearly need you more you can be scheduled until 6:30 three days a week or whatever that way you can make plans around their needs. Present it as you trying to make their life’s easier. If you’re not interested then say you’d like more notice for occasionally staying late but that your hours are until 5 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to say no OP - especially after you'd already been accommodating.

I don't think it's fine that this is such a regular thing for them/her. She should manage her day and workload better, or she should expand your regular hours.

- MB

Then why did she make me feel guilty by asking me “if I made it to where I was going” I felt that she was trying to find out what I did. I assumed she assumed I was going to tell her what I did.

Yes she was trying to make you feel guilty and thinking her work is more important than your life. Happens. I’m an mb and try not to feel like that.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people feel entitled to things, in this case she feels entitled to your time, but she isn’t. You are an adult and you need to handle this situation before either of you start feeling resentful. I would draft an email so that she has time to read it and think about it. Send it Saturday morning and say that you can discuss in person on Monday. In the email I would ask if she needs to adjust your work schedule. Explain that while you want to be helpful to her family, the last minute requests have caused you to miss planned events far too regularly. If you are willing, tell her that you would be happy to adjust your work schedule but that you need a steady schedule, as you discussed upon hiring.

[Anonymous]

she is acting like her work should take priority over whatever it is you have to do or have going on in your own life. she's very entitled. you already went above and beyond for her. she should apologize to you for being so rude and inconsiderate. i doubt that's going to happen, though.
i think you need to let her know that you can't continue working outside of your set hours without prior notice. she needs to expand or shift your guaranteed hours if she regularly needs you to be available until 6:30, and pay you accordingly. you don't owe it to her to stay her her house, with her kids, indefinitely. you also deserve to know when you're off, and she doesn't need to know what your plans or commitments are outside of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should get her work done during the normal hours. Is she paying you OT? Whatever, you should not feel guilty. You have performed your duties as dictated in your contract and if she is so lazy and/or disorganized that she cannot get her work done, it is not your responsibility to bail her out.

I do get paid OT. Get this—I walked into work today and she said “good morning how are you, did you get where you needed to be yesterday?” And I said “yes.” And then she goes “just to be clear, can you stay late today if need be? I have a lot of work today. And DB is going out of town too.” I said yes. However, I felt like the was trying to figure out what I needed to do last night since I couldn’t stay. I felt like she wanted me to tell her where I went or what I did. Which I’ll never say, because 1. If I say no it’s none of your business what I need to do after because those aren’t my working hours anymore and 2. What does it matter what I did? My answer was no I couldn’t stay late whether I was going home, going out it’s doesnt matter.

You should have a conversation with her and let her know you can’t stay past your regular hours. I feel like a lot of people think that because they have a nanny it means they get to dispose of that nannies time no matter what. And that is not the case.

[Anonymous]

That parent should get things done during the day. What, she sleeps in the mornings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That parent should get things done during the day. What, she sleeps in the mornings?

Op here. And thank you all for your comments. I will definitely have a talk with her. And yes that’s part of the problem why she doesn’t finish her work. She hands me the baby as soon as I walk in at 8 am and goes to sleep until 11/12.
I really don’t want to shift my hours because I already work 8-5:30. I’m afraid they’ll want to find a new nanny if I say I can’t always stay late. I don’t even want to mention adjusting my hours, because that’s not something I want to do.
Another question, even if she gives me enough notice and asks me to stay late certain days, am I at liberty to decline staying late (if they are out of my scheduled hours of course).