I feel bad that I said no

[Anonymous]

I always feel bad when I have to say no, too. yes, you can always decline the extra hours but I would try to accommodate my employers as much as possible. It doesn't matter why - her sleeping is not your business - you can say yes or no but I wouldn't, as a rule, say no all the time.

With a new job you want to build as much goodwill as possible. Hopefully they are the kind of employers who appreciate it. I have disorganized employers as well but over the last three years, on top of a good salary, they have also picked up my healthcare insurance 100% and just got me a new car to drive their child as well as for my personal use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel bad when I have to say no, too. yes, you can always decline the extra hours but I would try to accommodate my employers as much as possible. It doesn't matter why - her sleeping is not your business - you can say yes or no but I wouldn't, as a rule, say no all the time.

With a new job you want to build as much goodwill as possible. Hopefully they are the kind of employers who appreciate it. I have disorganized employers as well but over the last three years, on top of a good salary, they have also picked up my healthcare insurance 100% and just got me a new car to drive their child as well as for my personal use.

Op here. Congrats on your new car! Don’t get me wrong My employers are nice to me and pay me well. However, I feel that always saying yes can be a bad thing because it makes them think that you’re available whenever they need you. That’s probably why she was caught off guard when I said no. I think the rule of “say no sometimes” will be with me from now on. That way they know I can’t always be available, but can accommodate at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel bad when I have to say no, too. yes, you can always decline the extra hours but I would try to accommodate my employers as much as possible. It doesn't matter why - her sleeping is not your business - you can say yes or no but I wouldn't, as a rule, say no all the time.

With a new job you want to build as much goodwill as possible. Hopefully they are the kind of employers who appreciate it. I have disorganized employers as well but over the last three years, on top of a good salary, they have also picked up my healthcare insurance 100% and just got me a new car to drive their child as well as for my personal use.

Op here. Congrats on your new car! Don’t get me wrong My employers are nice to me and pay me well. However, I feel that always saying yes can be a bad thing because it makes them think that you’re available whenever they need you. That’s probably why she was caught off guard when I said no. I think the rule of “say no sometimes” will be with me from now on. That way they know I can’t always be available, but can accommodate at times.

Sure, you can say no, and technically it's not your concern why she sleeps in the morning, but would it make a difference to you if the baby kept her up at night or if she were ill or up late making up for the work she couldn't get done the previous day? An occasional "no," or even consistently refusing if it's outside your contract is certainly your prerogative, but if their real needs are for a nanny who works longer hours and they can afford it, there is a now a mismatch with what you are willing to work. If that's long-term, they will need to find someone new.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel bad when I have to say no, too. yes, you can always decline the extra hours but I would try to accommodate my employers as much as possible. It doesn't matter why - her sleeping is not your business - you can say yes or no but I wouldn't, as a rule, say no all the time.

With a new job you want to build as much goodwill as possible. Hopefully they are the kind of employers who appreciate it. I have disorganized employers as well but over the last three years, on top of a good salary, they have also picked up my healthcare insurance 100% and just got me a new car to drive their child as well as for my personal use.

Op here. Congrats on your new car! Don’t get me wrong My employers are nice to me and pay me well. However, I feel that always saying yes can be a bad thing because it makes them think that you’re available whenever they need you. That’s probably why she was caught off guard when I said no. I think the rule of “say no sometimes” will be with me from now on. That way they know I can’t always be available, but can accommodate at times.

Sure, you can say no, and technically it's not your concern why she sleeps in the morning, but would it make a difference to you if the baby kept her up at night or if she were ill or up late making up for the work she couldn't get done the previous day? An occasional "no," or even consistently refusing if it's outside your contract is certainly your prerogative, but if their real needs are for a nanny who works longer hours and they can afford it, there is a now a mismatch with what you are willing to work. If that's long-term, they will need to find someone new.

The only reason she sleeps in is because the baby always keeps her up at night. She has gotten sick maybe once. She never works at night before bed or so she says. I know needs are real and I get it I really do, but most of the time she doesn’t know how to plan correctly and use her time wisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

[Anonymous]

A couple issues here:
1. It doesn’t matter what she does with her time when you’re there.
2. You really have no obligation to say yes. Even if it’s with advance notice. HOWEVER, having a flexible nanny who is able/willing to stay late for last minute emergencies is really huge. My husband once broke his arm in a car accident while driving home from work and so our nanny stayed until 1 am! It was an unusually circumstance. Our nanny says no to us a lot, but she also says yes a lot too.
3. A schedule change might be the best option if she keeps neededing you an extra hour or 2.

[Anonymous]

It would bother the hell out of me if the mother I work for went straight back to sleep upon my arrival, then asked me to stay late because she couldn’t get work done. No, thank you. She needs to wake up and get to work on time like the rest of the world. A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would bother the hell out of me if the mother I work for went straight back to sleep upon my arrival, then asked me to stay late because she couldn’t get work done. No, thank you. She needs to wake up and get to work on time like the rest of the world. A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part, op.

Op here and yes that’s the way I see it too. She needs to plan her day better. I understand that the baby keeps her from getting good sleep, but if she had a job to go to she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Emergencies happen and I get that — but just the fact that she tried to make me feel guilty for not staying late also tells me she doesn’t value my personal time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

Sounds like a huge mismatch. You n Ed to tell them, before everyone gets resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

Sounds like a huge mismatch. You n Ed to tell them, before everyone gets resentful.

Not a mismatch. She’s just not planning well. When I was interviewing she was clear that There was no need for OT. She said they didn’t need help last 5, well she was clearly wrong. I accepted the job assuming that I would stay late here and there.

[Anonymous]

comparing asking the nanny to stay late multiple times a week to asking the nanny to stay late because of a car accident is totally absurd. this does not constitute an emergency-she wants to sleep in in the morning and that's her choice, but that doesn't mean the nanny stays til whenever she finishes her work. this mother can put on a movie like the rest of the world does when something comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:comparing asking the nanny to stay late multiple times a week to asking the nanny to stay late because of a car accident is totally absurd. this does not constitute an emergency-she wants to sleep in in the morning and that's her choice, but that doesn't mean the nanny stays til whenever she finishes her work. this mother can put on a movie like the rest of the world does when something comes up.

I wasn’t comparing. What i meant was that if the MB is sleeping in and MB asks nanny to stay late, the nanny can say no. However, when there are real emergencies I would highly appreciate my nanny being flexible.

[Anonymous]

The mom is not an organizing person. She needs to make a better schedule.