I feel bad that I said no

[Anonymous]

06/13/2018 17:58

    Subject: I feel bad that I said no

  





The mom is not an organized person. She needs to make a better schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

Sounds like a huge mismatch. You n Ed to tell them, before everyone gets resentful.

Not a mismatch. She’s just not planning well. When I was interviewing she was clear that There was no need for OT. She said they didn’t need help last 5, well she was clearly wrong. I accepted the job assuming that I would stay late here and there.

And she's now deciding that her needs have changed. Her child isn't sleeping enough to allow her to sleep enough, so she needs a nanny who can be there longer. As I said before, it's now a huge mismatch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

Sounds like a huge mismatch. You n Ed to tell them, before everyone gets resentful.

Not a mismatch. She’s just not planning well. When I was interviewing she was clear that There was no need for OT. She said they didn’t need help last 5, well she was clearly wrong. I accepted the job assuming that I would stay late here and there.

And she's now deciding that her needs have changed. Her child isn't sleeping enough to allow her to sleep enough, so she needs a nanny who can be there longer. As I said before, it's now a huge mismatch.

Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I used to always be nice and say yes to staying late with advanced notice. Then it turned into late in the day notice. Then my schedule went from 55 hours a week to more like 63. Then DB turned it into asking me to stay an extra hour or two 5 minutes before I leave. I’ve never said yes again.
Your MB needs to reevaluate her needs and present a new schedule option or understand if you misrepresent your needs, you’re going to have an uncomfortable situation. The reality is these parents will absolutely take advantage of you if you let them.

To be honest, I haven’t brought up a new schedule because I don’t want to work more hours. I already work 9.5 h days. She can totally get her work done between the hours I’m there if she just plans wisely and uses her time effectively. However, there have been times where they do need me and that’s fine I can stay late. I can’t keep staying late just because she doesn’t get her work done in time because she didn’t hse her time wisely. I have no obligation to stay late. I know she wouldn’t like it if I said last minute oh I need to leave early. It’s a matter of respecting personal time.

Sounds like a huge mismatch. You n Ed to tell them, before everyone gets resentful.

Not a mismatch. She’s just not planning well. When I was interviewing she was clear that There was no need for OT. She said they didn’t need help last 5, well she was clearly wrong. I accepted the job assuming that I would stay late here and there.

And she's now deciding that her needs have changed. Her child isn't sleeping enough to allow her to sleep enough, so she needs a nanny who can be there longer. As I said before, it's now a huge mismatch.

Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

Op, how old is the baby? It could be totally possible that the baby might sleep through the night and she won’t need to sleep in. I was an MB and worked from home and I was always tempted to sleep in after our nanny would come. However, most of the time I wouldn’t. I would shower and get dressed and go to work.

[Anonymous]

She needs 2 nannies, at least for a while - you from 8am until 5pm and then another from 5pm until midnight. She can use that evening time to sleep if she wants, or finish her work, or whatever. Normally I'd never suggest that (since I'd never be able to afford it myself) but it sounds like she's happy to pay you OT anyway so looks like she can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs 2 nannies, at least for a while - you from 8am until 5pm and then another from 5pm until midnight. She can use that evening time to sleep if she wants, or finish her work, or whatever. Normally I'd never suggest that (since I'd never be able to afford it myself) but it sounds like she's happy to pay you OT anyway so looks like she can afford it.

I typically work 1-6 hours of OT every week. I really can’t speak on what they cannot afford or not. 5 pm -12 pm is 35 hours a week and this doesn’t sound like they’d be into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs 2 nannies, at least for a while - you from 8am until 5pm and then another from 5pm until midnight. She can use that evening time to sleep if she wants, or finish her work, or whatever. Normally I'd never suggest that (since I'd never be able to afford it myself) but it sounds like she's happy to pay you OT anyway so looks like she can afford it.

I typically work 1-6 hours of OT every week. I really can’t speak on what they cannot afford or not. 5 pm -12 pm is 35 hours a week and this doesn’t sound like they’d be into it.

Well if it's usually just 1 hour of OT every week then I'd probably suck it up. That's just one hour one day.

But if it's regularly more than one hour, or one than one day, then I think she needs another part time nanny. Or on-call babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

I totally agree 100%! Ugh, I would hate to work for someone who is disorganized, lazy and who clearly takes advantage of someone’s kindness. I’m sure once you start saying no a bit more, she will learn that she can’t rely on just extending your day last minute and she’ll get her ass up and do her work on time. If losing sleep throws her off so badly that it interferes that much with her ability to get her work done, she really shouldn’t have had a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs 2 nannies, at least for a while - you from 8am until 5pm and then another from 5pm until midnight. She can use that evening time to sleep if she wants, or finish her work, or whatever. Normally I'd never suggest that (since I'd never be able to afford it myself) but it sounds like she's happy to pay you OT anyway so looks like she can afford it.

I typically work 1-6 hours of OT every week. I really can’t speak on what they cannot afford or not. 5 pm -12 pm is 35 hours a week and this doesn’t sound like they’d be into it.

Well if it's usually just 1 hour of OT every week then I'd probably suck it up. That's just one hour one day.

But if it's regularly more than one hour, or one than one day, then I think she needs another part time nanny. Or on-call babysitter.

Lately, it’s been happening 2-3 times a weeks. I’ll usuallt stay 1-2 hours each time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

I totally agree 100%! Ugh, I would hate to work for someone who is disorganized, lazy and who clearly takes advantage of someone’s kindness. I’m sure once you start saying no a bit more, she will learn that she can’t rely on just extending your day last minute and she’ll get her ass up and do her work on time. If losing sleep throws her off so badly that it interferes that much with her ability to get her work done, she really shouldn’t have had a child.

Once I said no, I think she realized that there will be other times when I also will say no. She should work wisely because even if she asks me earlier in the day or the day before my answer might still be no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

I totally agree 100%! Ugh, I would hate to work for someone who is disorganized, lazy and who clearly takes advantage of someone’s kindness. I’m sure once you start saying no a bit more, she will learn that she can’t rely on just extending your day last minute and she’ll get her ass up and do her work on time. If losing sleep throws her off so badly that it interferes that much with her ability to get her work done, she really shouldn’t have had a child.

Once I said no, I think she realized that there will be other times when I also will say no. She should work wisely because even if she asks me earlier in the day or the day before my answer might still be no.

You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then she should bring up the schedule change. I’m not going to do it. There’s lots of working mother out there who have babies and get to work on time. My mom was one of them. She needs to suck it up and plan more effectively.

I totally agree 100%! Ugh, I would hate to work for someone who is disorganized, lazy and who clearly takes advantage of someone’s kindness. I’m sure once you start saying no a bit more, she will learn that she can’t rely on just extending your day last minute and she’ll get her ass up and do her work on time. If losing sleep throws her off so badly that it interferes that much with her ability to get her work done, she really shouldn’t have had a child.

Once I said no, I think she realized that there will be other times when I also will say no. She should work wisely because even if she asks me earlier in the day or the day before my answer might still be no.

You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

Op here and yes you’re right. But if she decides not work while I’m there and asks me to stay late I won’t always be available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to find someone who won’t have variable hours, because you have no business deciding what she’s allowed to do while you work!

I feel like sometimes people don’t even read the thread or they just have poor reading comprehension.

Op isn’t trying to dictate what someone else can and cannot do during their own time. They’re simply saying they’re not going to be available every single time they’re asked to stay. If the mother can’t get her work done on time, she needs to start earlier or work faster. She can’t keep depending on her nanny to work extra at the last minute because she can’t manage her time properly. That’s not the nanny’s problem. The agreed upon shift is 8-5:30.

If the mother chooses to sleep until noon, she needs to understand that there’s a chance that she just won’t get her work done that day. It’s called taking responsibility for your actions.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yesterday at 4:45 she said “I’m going to ask you to stay late. Until 5:30.” I felt this choice of words gave me no choice and I was automatically supposed to say yes. I ended up staying, but I’m getrinf huge anxiety everyday now, not knowing whether I’ll be staying late or not. I think I’m going to have to talk to her. I didn’t want to, but I felt like she was demanding I stay late yesterday. Does it seem that way based in her choice of words? Bc it’s differenr when you say “would you be able to stay late today?” Versus “I’m going to ask you to stay late today” (and she never asked me)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yesterday at 4:45 she said “I’m going to ask you to stay late. Until 5:30.” I felt this choice of words gave me no choice and I was automatically supposed to say yes. I ended up staying, but I’m getrinf huge anxiety everyday now, not knowing whether I’ll be staying late or not. I think I’m going to have to talk to her. I didn’t want to, but I felt like she was demanding I stay late yesterday. Does it seem that way based in her choice of words? Bc it’s differenr when you say “would you be able to stay late today?” Versus “I’m going to ask you to stay late today” (and she never asked me)

Opps I meant 6:30! Not 5:30