Tips for successful summer with new au pair

[Anonymous]

LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Experienced Host Mom here and I agree about the issues for rematch. But I have seen multiple success stories, which makes me think additional screening would be useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Are you the same LCC who posted last week about not supporting the AP program for families with younger children? If so, I really don't understand why you're in the role you're in. The program is open to families with 3+ month old children, not to families with 3+ YEAR old children. Are your sure that your attitude that it's wrong to have an AP for a young child probably isn't leading your APs to decide that they shouldn't be asked to care for children younger than 3 years? What are you doing to support families who are using APs for young children - or are you just telling them that it's their fault if things don't work out because they shouldn't have arranged for AP care anyway?

I am so glad I didn't have you as an LCC when my children were young. Luckily, our LCC was very supportive and did a great job at managing and shaping her APs' expectations to be realistic about what their jobs would entail - 45 hrs/week with children - and also did a great job at working with families to make sure they were clear in matching too about what jobs entailed, rather than just telling families with hard jobs that they shouldn't belong to the AP progam.

'd love to know what agency you work for and whether your agency knows your views on things!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

I'm a HM and I get what you're saying. I have 4 kids and it has been harder to make the program work for my family, but it can.
As many of the host moms on Aupairmom.com say, you have to have a "dare to match" approach. When you are looking for an Au Pair, don't sugar coat the job. Make it sound as hard as it will be, and then some. Give some crazy situations of 3 kids going in 3 different directions at once, and ask what AP will do. Make sure you have a VERY energetic, outgoing, smart AP, because the average laid back girl won't cut it.
And realistically, even with best intentions, plan on having a rematch occasionally, and have a back up plan if that happens. Girls may "think" they can handle 3 or 4 kids, but some are just in over their head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Are you the same LCC who posted last week about not supporting the AP program for families with younger children? If so, I really don't understand why you're in the role you're in. The program is open to families with 3+ month old children, not to families with 3+ YEAR old children. Are your sure that your attitude that it's wrong to have an AP for a young child probably isn't leading your APs to decide that they shouldn't be asked to care for children younger than 3 years? What are you doing to support families who are using APs for young children - or are you just telling them that it's their fault if things don't work out because they shouldn't have arranged for AP care anyway?

I am so glad I didn't have you as an LCC when my children were young. Luckily, our LCC was very supportive and did a great job at managing and shaping her APs' expectations to be realistic about what their jobs would entail - 45 hrs/week with children - and also did a great job at working with families to make sure they were clear in matching too about what jobs entailed, rather than just telling families with hard jobs that they shouldn't belong to the AP progam.

'd love to know what agency you work for and whether your agency knows your views on things!

I actually appreciate having an LCC chiming in on what works and what doesn't. She doesn't have to approve of very single rule of the program and I would think that she is best suited to know which situations might potentially lead to rematch. You can be a honest salesperson and steer people away from buying a bad products. That doesn't make her a bad salesperson.

[Anonymous]

It's true she doesn't have to be a dishonest salesman, but this thread wasn't about whether the family was well-suited for an au pair and whether they should sign up. I have already signed up, and it's not very helpful to be told that an LCC would wage money on this ending bad. Having already signed up to the program, I would much rather hear advice at this point on what we can do to try and make this work, even if, as she seems to think, the odds are against us. For example, limiting the amount of time that the au pair has to watch all three kids (which was advice that I have taken from other posters, and my son is now enrolled in a summer camp for 6 out of the 9 weeks of break) or not consistently hitting 45 hours a week while she is taking care of the baby and at least one another child (again, advice given on this thread which we are going to try and make work by taking days off throughout the summer) and ensuring that she has all nights and weekends off (another example of advice given). After spending the past few months reading most of the recently posted threads in the forum, I can't help but think that feedback would be more helpful and more appreciated if it was more consistently constructive. It's a great resource when the feedback is actionable and not just judgement directed at the HF or potential HF. Just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Are you the same LCC who posted last week about not supporting the AP program for families with younger children? If so, I really don't understand why you're in the role you're in. The program is open to families with 3+ month old children, not to families with 3+ YEAR old children. Are your sure that your attitude that it's wrong to have an AP for a young child probably isn't leading your APs to decide that they shouldn't be asked to care for children younger than 3 years? What are you doing to support families who are using APs for young children - or are you just telling them that it's their fault if things don't work out because they shouldn't have arranged for AP care anyway?

I am so glad I didn't have you as an LCC when my children were young. Luckily, our LCC was very supportive and did a great job at managing and shaping her APs' expectations to be realistic about what their jobs would entail - 45 hrs/week with children - and also did a great job at working with families to make sure they were clear in matching too about what jobs entailed, rather than just telling families with hard jobs that they shouldn't belong to the AP progam.

'd love to know what agency you work for and whether your agency knows your views on things!

I actually appreciate having an LCC chiming in on what works and what doesn't. She doesn't have to approve of very single rule of the program and I would think that she is best suited to know which situations might potentially lead to rematch. You can be a honest salesperson and steer people away from buying a bad products. That doesn't make her a bad salesperson.

This comment is a bit combative. I appreciate hearing the honesty of an LCC who can offer a "behind the curtain" look at what they deal with. Yes, the program ostensibly offers childcare for 3+ months and 45 hours, but there's a real big spectrum of difference in the kind and amount of childcare needed by each family, so it is not unrealistic that all but the most driven au pair with a strong interest in young children will quickly realize that they've landed on the more difficult end of the spectrum with respect to how hard they are working for the same pay as someone working 25 hours with two school aged kids. Again, no one is debating whether the program allows OP's situation. Some of us are just saying to be realistic by expecting the best but preparing for the worst. It will all come down to expectations on both sides and whether this au pair truly understands the job that she's taking on.

[Anonymous]

Be home with her for the 1st week when all 3 kids are in the house and help her out
Can you work part time for the first month?
Can your husband cut back on his hours until the baby is at least 6 months old?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sure you're aware of the aupairmom site recommended in multiple threads.

One of my favorite commenters there has a child with serious physical and cognitive special needs, and she also has a neurotypical child. I like reading a lot of the regular commenters, but I especially like reading what she has to write. She has a difficult gig for an AP, and she's been hosting for ages. She has only had to rematch once.

She tries hard to get "extraordinnaire" au pairs, and if there are none available that are interested in being her AP, she searches hard for gems among the regular APs. I think she has some version of a "dare to match with us" letter that weeds out APs who are not interested in her family's specific situation.

Once the AP is here, the HM I'm mentioning seems to be good at keeping her APs happy. An important thing she does is be as generous as she can within reason. I don't think she is able to offer extravagant rewards, but - and I can't remember exactly - I think her APs have no curfews, they may (?) have liberal use of a car, they are given extra days off for going above and beyond, and the HF often gets the APs small, thoughtful things to recognize their hard work.

Anyway, my take-home from reading that poster over the years is that if you have a good, responsible, hardworking AP that you trust, give her extra perks as much as you can, within your means. I think you did the right thing in enrolling your 7 year old in camp. If your AP is working hard and doing a good job, and you're able to give her extra days off that don't count against her vacation allotment, that can really go a long way in giving the AP relief and in showing her how much she's appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure you're aware of the aupairmom site recommended in multiple threads.

One of my favorite commenters there has a child with serious physical and cognitive special needs, and she also has a neurotypical child. I like reading a lot of the regular commenters, but I especially like reading what she has to write. She has a difficult gig for an AP, and she's been hosting for ages. She has only had to rematch once.

She tries hard to get "extraordinnaire" au pairs, and if there are none available that are interested in being her AP, she searches hard for gems among the regular APs. I think she has some version of a "dare to match with us" letter that weeds out APs who are not interested in her family's specific situation.

Once the AP is here, the HM I'm mentioning seems to be good at keeping her APs happy. An important thing she does is be as generous as she can within reason. I don't think she is able to offer extravagant rewards, but - and I can't remember exactly - I think her APs have no curfews, they may (?) have liberal use of a car, they are given extra days off for going above and beyond, and the HF often gets the APs small, thoughtful things to recognize their hard work.

Anyway, my take-home from reading that poster over the years is that if you have a good, responsible, hardworking AP that you trust, give her extra perks as much as you can, within your means. I think you did the right thing in enrolling your 7 year old in camp. If your AP is working hard and doing a good job, and you're able to give her extra days off that don't count against her vacation allotment, that can really go a long way in giving the AP relief and in showing her how much she's appreciated.

We have a similar philosophy as the person who writes a lot on APM and have had similar good results hosting. But even more than the perks, do you know what has been the most effective "tool" to show our APs how much we value them? Saying thank you. Daily. Multiple times a day. And acknowledging that they have a hard gig and are doing a great job and how much we appreciate it.

Everyone likes to be needed, and I make sure on a daily basis that our AP knows how much she is needed, valued, appreciated, and respected for all she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Are you the same LCC who posted last week about not supporting the AP program for families with younger children? If so, I really don't understand why you're in the role you're in. The program is open to families with 3+ month old children, not to families with 3+ YEAR old children. Are your sure that your attitude that it's wrong to have an AP for a young child probably isn't leading your APs to decide that they shouldn't be asked to care for children younger than 3 years? What are you doing to support families who are using APs for young children - or are you just telling them that it's their fault if things don't work out because they shouldn't have arranged for AP care anyway?

I am so glad I didn't have you as an LCC when my children were young. Luckily, our LCC was very supportive and did a great job at managing and shaping her APs' expectations to be realistic about what their jobs would entail - 45 hrs/week with children - and also did a great job at working with families to make sure they were clear in matching too about what jobs entailed, rather than just telling families with hard jobs that they shouldn't belong to the AP progam.

'd love to know what agency you work for and whether your agency knows your views on things!

I've been an LCC for over a decade and of course support all families. That is my job. I'd be long gone if I didn't.

All I'm saying is that my cluster is approx. 25 families and I'm involved in approx. 6 rematches a year. I'm simply sharing what I see over and over. You will never get this info from the sales force. All of the LCCs hold the same views and see the same trends. I think it would only be right for the agencies to posts real statistics so parents can make informed decisions. Once a family comes to me (I'm not sure how your agency works, but I do not meet the family for the first time until they have matched) they have already chosen an AP. The matching specialist is who the interact with up until then (aka sales).

Many of us have jobs that we have to deal with where there are problems in our industry, problems with what sales has sold, and we have to deal with these realities. I simply see a certain trends and given what I see, I simply would not recommend the program to some families who fit a certain profile.

With that said, OF COURSE I have seen the program work for infants, toddlers and 3+ kids. I also have seen it be VERY common for an infant to have to experience 2 APs in the first year of their live, or big families who have been in the program for 4 years and have gone through 7 APs. It's a numbers game, if I have 10 families that fit the profile I'm describing and 4 of the 6 rematches I'm handing a year are in that demographic, I'm seeing a 40% failure rate for that demographic and the others (older children, <3 kids) are seeing a 13% failure rate. Wouldn't you want this info to help you make an informed risk decision?

Of course I do not voice these observations to my agency. Corporate has the statistics, they know full well what is likely to work and what doesn't, but I'm sorry to break the sad news to you, once they have your matching fee, their mission is accomplished. They are a business, not a non-profit service for the greater good of humanity.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Really, this information from the LCC is gold and should be heeded. The agencies don't give out this information, but this is the kind of thing HFs always want to know.

Thank you for posting, LCC.

[Anonymous]

I hope you plan to pay her more than $200 a week..... she will only stay for a couple weeks anyways though. Horrible situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LCC here.

I've seen many transitions and by far it's much more frequently these scenarios:

-more than 2 kids
-babies and toddlers
-45hrs a week (less so if kids are older)

I'd wager money that this is very likely to end badly. It makes my job so much harder that sales is not up front about these outcomes with new families. It is awful for everyone to deal with a transition for a situation that frankly should have never been allowed to happen in the first place. It is my opinion that the AP program is not well suited for small children and 3+ kids especially when they are young. From my vantage point I'd never reccomendation it to someone I know. I obviously can't say this to new families outside of an anonymous setting. I am all for regulation that forces transparency.

Are you the same LCC who posted last week about not supporting the AP program for families with younger children? If so, I really don't understand why you're in the role you're in. The program is open to families with 3+ month old children, not to families with 3+ YEAR old children. Are your sure that your attitude that it's wrong to have an AP for a young child probably isn't leading your APs to decide that they shouldn't be asked to care for children younger than 3 years? What are you doing to support families who are using APs for young children - or are you just telling them that it's their fault if things don't work out because they shouldn't have arranged for AP care anyway?

I am so glad I didn't have you as an LCC when my children were young. Luckily, our LCC was very supportive and did a great job at managing and shaping her APs' expectations to be realistic about what their jobs would entail - 45 hrs/week with children - and also did a great job at working with families to make sure they were clear in matching too about what jobs entailed, rather than just telling families with hard jobs that they shouldn't belong to the AP progam.

'd love to know what agency you work for and whether your agency knows your views on things!

I've been an LCC for over a decade and of course support all families. That is my job. I'd be long gone if I didn't.

All I'm saying is that my cluster is approx. 25 families and I'm involved in approx. 6 rematches a year. I'm simply sharing what I see over and over. You will never get this info from the sales force. All of the LCCs hold the same views and see the same trends. I think it would only be right for the agencies to posts real statistics so parents can make informed decisions. Once a family comes to me (I'm not sure how your agency works, but I do not meet the family for the first time until they have matched) they have already chosen an AP. The matching specialist is who the interact with up until then (aka sales).

Many of us have jobs that we have to deal with where there are problems in our industry, problems with what sales has sold, and we have to deal with these realities. I simply see a certain trends and given what I see, I simply would not recommend the program to some families who fit a certain profile.

With that said, OF COURSE I have seen the program work for infants, toddlers and 3+ kids. I also have seen it be VERY common for an infant to have to experience 2 APs in the first year of their live, or big families who have been in the program for 4 years and have gone through 7 APs. It's a numbers game, if I have 10 families that fit the profile I'm describing and 4 of the 6 rematches I'm handing a year are in that demographic, I'm seeing a 40% failure rate for that demographic and the others (older children, <3 kids) are seeing a 13% failure rate. Wouldn't you want this info to help you make an informed risk decision?

Of course I do not voice these observations to my agency. Corporate has the statistics, they know full well what is likely to work and what doesn't, but I'm sorry to break the sad news to you, once they have your matching fee, their mission is accomplished. They are a business, not a non-profit service for the greater good of humanity.

Thank you for posting this information. It's very insightful.

I really want to ask which agency you are with but I have a feeling you won't want to share that (and that's ok). I am shocked to hear that your agency would let a family match before having done a home visit.

I'll mention that at least three of the accredited au pair agencies are non-profits: Chi Au Pair, EuroPair and InterExchange.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked to hear that your agency would let a family match before having done a home visit.

Me too. I'm with CCAP and our LCC absolutely had to come visit us and our house before we could be approved as a HF. She met us before matching coordinator (or "sales").

I would also think, like any business, that if there is any interest in return customers/growing the business to new customers (and isn't every for profit company interested in this), the concept of "once they have your matching fee, mission accomplished" is a pretty short term, narrow-minded business plan.