Tips for successful summer with new au pair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks 17:45 Agree - just ignoring the a*s and taking the good advice from the sincere posters. We are going into the program with our eyes wide open, I know there are plenty of times things don't work out, but we are going to try our best and hope we chose an au pair that will also try her best.

Please post back about when the aupair leaves and you yourself stay home with 3 kids and no camp, and bring them all to the pool yourself. Surely the 3 year old can swim alone while you feed your newborn. You are clueless! An aupair is not for you!

[Anonymous]

It can be done - but will be a challenge with those ages. I think I would work with your agency and help find other AP's in your area and especially from her country. If she is Brazilian or German they have their own FB pages that cross agencies that the APs find and that would be good for her to know ahead of time.

Her work will be challenging, but helping make sure she has a social network and some friends may help her balance work/life some. Or other summer nannies with children in similar ranges in your neighborhood that she may bond a bit with would help.

We belong to two pools in Arlington, one we are limited in number of guests but can walk to; another is a drive but liberal on guests. All our AP's survived summers with our children by going to the pool often and bringing other AP & their children to driving distance pool. We have had 4 AP from age of 2 & 4 for the children. We still do camps for a few weeks for them b/c we think it is good for the children to break up the summer with learning a few subjects/sports/etc.

Good luck, she may not love her challenging job for the summer - but if she loves her area/friends and has a nice HF that will help balance her experience a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear nannies in search of a job or wealthy host moms who are proud of doing better for their kids than the rest of us, butt out please.

I have four kids also, and had an au pair last summer when youngest was 1, the rest were 5, 9 and 11, and the summer before, when they were 6 months old, 4, 8, and 10. Guess what, both of these au pairs did well, didn't rematch, completed my term with us, and the one who was here last summer even extended and is completing her extension term.

Moreover, my oldest was in the neighborhood summer swim team, and the au pair daily spent all morning in the pool until middle of july, with all four kids. She did their laundry, prepared their meals, and cleaned after the meals.

Each summer two oldest kids were in daycamp maybe a week, and also the third one was in day camp for a week, but a different week. Also I think one week two of them spent with my parents.

It can be done. Moms do it. Teachers do it. Camp counselors do it. A qualified and hard working au pair can do it. My new au pair is coming June 30 this year, and she will do it too, and will have lots of fun.

The key to success is to structure summer activities. I give my au pair library website, addresses of local parks, sites with lists of kiddie activities around here, farmers markets, free matinee kiddie movies, concerts, etc...
I ask her to make a schedule for every week with at least one outside activity every day. Also regular activities with other friends of my kids who are home for the summer...
With our membership and involvement in summer pool (swim team for one kid, lessons for one more...) this works.

Good luck to you.

I guess I must be a 'wealthy host mom'. I have no doubt that some amazing APs can step up to the challenge. Question is, is this reasonable expectations, and personally I think it is simply a lot to ask of a single human being, be au pair, professional nanny or even mom to be the only person responsible for 3-4 young kids, day in/day out, all summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

At 18, I loved to party and meet new people. But during my day job I was extremely responsible. You make it sound like APs start drinking and clubbing the moment they wake up in the morning.

Are you a nanny by any chance? A bit unhappy about your job prospects being limited by the availability of other good choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

At 18, I loved to party and meet new people. But during my day job I was extremely responsible. You make it sound like APs start drinking and clubbing the moment they wake up in the morning.

Are you a nanny by any chance? A bit unhappy about your job prospects being limited by the availability of other good choices?

Nope. A HM that doesn't approach the program as a way to economize on infant^toddler childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

At 18, I loved to party and meet new people. But during my day job I was extremely responsible. You make it sound like APs start drinking and clubbing the moment they wake up in the morning.

Are you a nanny by any chance? A bit unhappy about your job prospects being limited by the availability of other good choices?

[b]

This is always the standard reply, nannies are just jealous. Look lady, trust me when I say no nanny is ever jealous of an aupair job. Au pairs get the s*** stick of jobs and have to live with their employers, be a part of a family (ie: pitch in and help) and receive low pay. Nannies do not want these jobs and FEEL SORRY for Au pairs, ok? I say this because when I was 18 I was an aupair and at the time I was too young to realize what I was getting into. Expecting a young lady to care for a newborn, 3 year old and a 7 year old all summer with no camp just because you're cheap is not a job nannies want, so please get a new line.

[Anonymous]

As long as the AP has a good idea of what she is getting into and where she is going to be living it should be fine. Many AP who live in rural areas/suburbs come to here thinking they are close to the city (DC) and look for reasons to rematch quickly when they realize they are not metro or quickly accessible to nightlife or things to do. Anne Arundel County is a nice area, as long as she knows what she is signing up for with the 3 children and not living in a city or urban area it should be ok. Unless you are close to Baltimore or something...but not sure if that is a high concentration area for APs.

If you told her you lived close to DC and Baltimore and do not, then your odds for rematch go up quickly. Challenging wards and different expectations of the area and what she can do/making friends will most likely not turn out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

At 18, I loved to party and meet new people. But during my day job I was extremely responsible. You make it sound like APs start drinking and clubbing the moment they wake up in the morning.

Are you a nanny by any chance? A bit unhappy about your job prospects being limited by the availability of other good choices?

[b]

This is always the standard reply, nannies are just jealous. Look lady, trust me when I say no nanny is ever jealous of an aupair job. Au pairs get the s*** stick of jobs and have to live with their employers, be a part of a family (ie: pitch in and help) and receive low pay. Nannies do not want these jobs and FEEL SORRY for Au pairs, ok? I say this because when I was 18 I was an aupair and at the time I was too young to realize what I was getting into. Expecting a young lady to care for a newborn, 3 year old and a 7 year old all summer with no camp just because you're cheap is not a job nannies want, so please get a new line.

So because YOU were an immature 18 yr old who just wanted to party and travel, that means ALL au pairs must be the same? I'm sorry you lacked the maturity or work ethic to do the job you committed to when you were 18. But please don't project YOUR inability to safely or appropriately care for young children onto all APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 18 (or even 17) I would have been fully up to the task. It's probably because I have a good work ethic and babysat plenty. Why on god's green earth could an 18/19 yr old not be capable of caring for an infant?

I suppose if your standards are keeping them alive, sure.

APs are not here to watch your children. They are here to party, meet new people, and experience a new culture. On the side they watch your kids. Not the profile that any parent who values good childcare for their non verbal child goes for. But hey, whatever to save a buck. They are just kids, who cares?

At 18, I loved to party and meet new people. But during my day job I was extremely responsible. You make it sound like APs start drinking and clubbing the moment they wake up in the morning.

Are you a nanny by any chance? A bit unhappy about your job prospects being limited by the availability of other good choices?

[b]

This is always the standard reply, nannies are just jealous. Look lady, trust me when I say no nanny is ever jealous of an aupair job. Au pairs get the s*** stick of jobs and have to live with their employers, be a part of a family (ie: pitch in and help) and receive low pay. Nannies do not want these jobs and FEEL SORRY for Au pairs, ok? I say this because when I was 18 I was an aupair and at the time I was too young to realize what I was getting into. Expecting a young lady to care for a newborn, 3 year old and a 7 year old all summer with no camp just because you're cheap is not a job nannies want, so please get a new line.

So because YOU were an immature 18 yr old who just wanted to party and travel, that means ALL au pairs must be the same? I'm sorry you lacked the maturity or work ethic to do the job you committed to when you were 18. But please don't project YOUR inability to safely or appropriately care for young children onto all APs.

[b]

Projecting much? I was mature and don't drink, but nice try. I'm pretty sure we all know how this situation is going to end, this isn't a situation to be defending. This is a terrible aupair job and quite frankly abusive of the program.

[Anonymous]

Op again- Love that when your standard reply of 'nannies are just jealous' didn't work you moved on to the immature partying excuse. So transparent.

[Anonymous]

^i meant pp!

[Anonymous]

I think you've gotten some great advice from PPs. My contribution is this: get a fantastic baby carrier, get your AP trained in how to use it and your baby used to sleeping in it on the go, and have her go out and about with the kids for one of the baby's naps a day. I think it's very hard on toddlers and young kids to be tethered to the baby's nap schedule all day. Even if it's just getting out to the library for story hour, it will help both your older kids and your AP to have that flexibility not to be stuck in the house for repeated naps.

[Anonymous]

Everyone, thank you so much! (OP again here) This gave me a lot of great ideas and a lot for my husband and me to think about over the weekend. We ended up signing my oldest up for the county run camp at a local school - it was exactly the kind of place (i.e., no-frills daycare for school aged kids at a school) I did Not want to send him, and one of the reasons I was so happy about having an au pair for summer care, but after stressing out to find appropriate week-by-week camps (and deciding which weeks to send him) that were close to our house and the right times and weeks and something that would interest him, I found out that his best friends were going to this county camp and that 6 weeks (you had to sign up for all 6 weeks) cost less than 2 weeks anywhere else. So while cost wasn't the biggest factor, it being so reasonable gives us flexibility to not have to send him every day for every week - I still want him to have some down time at home with his siblings and neighborhood friends this summer and get to know and bond with the au pair. While I do think, as many of you moms noted, that a great au pair can handle 3 or more kids at home during the summer, and I don't think my oldest two would be bored at home (they spent last summer with a full-time babysitter and were either at home playing outside or at local parks or the library and had a wonderful, fun-filled, care-free summer), our youngest is not on a solid schedule yet. The deciding factor was that we don't know the au pair well enough yet to know how well she will do with all 3 kids, the camp gives us a back-up option to help her ease in to her responsibilities. I am also incorporating most of the other advice as well, and I really appreciate the assurances from moms who have been here and have had great experiences.

Against my better judgement, I am going to respond to the poster with the ridiculous and, frankly, hurtful comments. Learning that you were an au pair who had a bad experience made me understand much more about where you were coming from, and I almost felt bad for you until I remembered that you called me cheap, clueless, and questioned my concern for my children's safety. Just stop. Just because you had a bad experience does not mean that every au pair is going to be abused or mistreated or that every family is out to take advantage of their au pairs. I reached out to this group for advice because we wanted to support our au pair and do what was best for our children. My heart sank reading your posts this weekend, not because it was not valid to be concerned, but because of your unwarranted nastiness and distortion of why families opt for au pair care. You are not adding anything to the conversation and no one wants you here until you can contribute meaningfully, constructively, and without insults.

[Anonymous]

Is your 4 month old baby fussy?
Most of the daily routine will be taken by the baby. Sometimes a baby naps well, sometimes not. The entire day will be taken by baby care.
The au pair will most likely be able to supervise the older children, but not plan activities or outings for them

Sounds like a long and boring summer for your older kids. Do they resent the baby? Are they jealous