Tips for successful summer with new au pair

[Anonymous]

First time HM here - I first want to think everyone. I have asked a few questions over the past few months as we prepared for our first au pair's arrival and have really appreciated the feedback. Our au pair arrives next week and will be taking care of our 4 month old, 3 year old, and 7 year old. During the summer she will have all 3 at home (during the school year the oldest will be in school full-time and the middle part-time). Any tips for helping her with all 3 kids during the summer? I won't expect her to do any kids laundry or cleaning of the kids area (other than helping the kids straighten up after playing). I know taking care of 3 kids is tough and we do need her for the full 45 hours during the work week (she will have most nights and weekends off) so I'm trying to make sure she feels supported and that we have reasonable expectations for her. The oldest will be allowed to play on his iPad or Wii for a half hour and then have some quiet reading time which will hopefully give the au pair a break/quiet time for herself and I'll be home by 3:30/45 each day. (Some of you may think that the au pair program is not right for us but, while it may not be ideal, it is our best option given the hours we need care for, the price, and our previous experiences with having kids in different schools and having to do different drop offs and pick ups before and after long commutes. So please hold off any criticism of our choosing this program.)

[Anonymous]

Wow, that is going to be a real strain on her, honestly. Are you not putting the 3 year old and 7 year old in any camps this summer? We only have a 3 year old and we're still putting him in morning camps for most of the summer. I think they're all going to go crazy if they're just sitting around the house waiting for the four month old to wake up from a nap.

Will the au pair be driving? Are you withing walking distance of things? My only suggestion (other than to put the older kids in camps for at least part of the time) is to leave the au pair with a liberal amount of money to go out and do fun things with the kids - I would say at least $100 a week.

Not gonna lie, that sounds real rough.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a huge job for your AP this summer. As a mom of 3, I would have a hard time myself doing this on my own. I think you need to find ways to help lighten AP's load. Agreed that I would leave all chore expectations aside for the summer.

First thing I would do is put your oldest in a program for part of the summer (either full weeks or half days). OR if you have family who can help, I would schedule some regular time for one/two of the kids to be with auntie/grandma for some hours during the week.

I would sit down with AP weekly to devise a schedule for the week ahead based on the weather, special activities you have researched. Considering she will have her hands full during her 45hrs, I would probably want to put the schedule together myself since she won't have time to research during her work time. I would put together a list of local activities with addresses/times and prices. I would also get memberships at local museums, zoos, library, and other.

Include your expectations in your schedule:
- What is the wake time for the kids?
- When do they have breakfast/lunch? (I need to spell this out in the summer because my kids tend to sleep later and forget breakfast until it's lunch time)
- Nap times/quiet times- What can your older do during that time? I personally like to buy fun 'summer school workbooks' and ask that the kids to a few pages every day.
- Time where the 7yr old is allowed to use electronics
- Regular activities (e.g. library every tuesday morning to return/pick up new books and videos, or wednesday PM visit a new park each week)
- Daily times for filed trips/outdoor activities

I would be as prescriptive as possible, so it makes your AP's life easier (unless AP is a amazingly proactive person and prefers to manage the schedule herself). Also involve your 7 yr old so that s/he knows what to expect, can contribute to the list of activities and generally cooperate with AP.

Lastly I would communicate budget expectations. How much can she spend on activities every week? How often can they eat out?

Again, I can't emphasize enough that you are setting the bar pretty high for your AP. Anything you can do to make her life easier will be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

The oldest needs to go to camp most of the day.

[Anonymous]

I'm a host mom of 4 kids, including 3yo twins. Your AP will be fine (if you picked a good, energetic girl)

Ditto recommendations of others.
Also, do you have a backyard? Nearby parks?
This was the main activity of our APs during the summers. With 4 kids, and babies who nap, it's easier to stick close to home for them.

Allow/encourage her to have other APs over for playdates (that makes the day more tolerable for my APs)

Don't be too strict with your tv or ipad time for your 7yo. A couple hours a day won't hurt him.

Also, it is possible for AP to still do kid laundry once or twice a week.

We give ours extra bonuses, and many long weekends off to thank her for her extra hard work

[Anonymous]

10:25 again. Also, I would make sure that you **never** use her for evenings and weekends during the summer - make that commitment to her. That's going to help make it more palatable.

[Anonymous]

Here's my concern, OP. I worry that even though this summer's heavy workload is only for a few months, it will be OP's first months. She may not be able to really understand that it's only temporary! Those first months are hard sometimes.

Has she had 3 young kids all day by herself before?

[Anonymous]

Thanks all! OP here. We do have a yard and live in a safe neighborhood with other kids - so the oldest spends a lot of time with friends in and out of each other's houses or playing with his sister outside or riding bikes. I was thinking it would be easiest to spend most time at home playing because of naps and I think it's harder keeping an eye on them elsewhere than at home, but I will definitely provide a list of activities and places to go for when they want to get out - she will have a car and I have a feeling the baby will just need to learn how to nap on the go and we can worry about a more routine nap schedule in the fall . The local LLC is great and gets the local au pairs together often and I just emailed her to ask if there are any right in our town (we're in Anne Arundel Co) to try and hook her up with local folks for play or park dates. We don't have family near to help, and I had decided against sending the older ones to camp because I thought having to coordinate around specific pick up and drop off times may get stressful for her, but I'll take another look at local places (the camps I looked at before were 20+ minutes away which seemed like a long round trip). And I can make sure she gets all nights and weekends off through the summer. We're hoping to do a lot of fun stuff on the weekends this summer because we can't go on vacation like we typically do, so hopefully she'll want to join us and we will be able to treat her. And my husband and I may be able to take an extra day off here and there that would be extra days off for her.

[Anonymous]

We have an AP coming in June to care for our FOUR kids, who will be ages 10, 8, 5 and 3 when she arrives. We plan to have her do regular chores like laundry from the get-go. She's either going to rise to the challenge or not, and I'd rather find out in the summer than during the school year.

[Anonymous]

I personally think 4 kids is too much for one person alone all day, all summer. I have had great APs over the years, but I can't imagine any of them being really happy with this type of arrangement.

We have 3 kids and we did not start the program until my youngest (twins) were turning 5yrs old and my oldest was 8. (I never felt comfortable with APs for infants and toddlers, but that's a diff topic...).

Our first summer with an AP, I signed the kids up for short camps at different times during the summer so that AP would never be with more than 2 kids at a time. We also had our ex-nanny come in every Wednesdays to help with cleaning and give AP a half day break mid-week (and help us stay under 45hrs). I also took all my Fridays off all summer.

I know not everyone can afford these extras, but I think it was the right thing for us to do to make sure AP enjoys her work and our family, and to make the summer manageable and fun for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd rather learn up front whether AP will be overwhelmed or can power through tough circumstances. We don't have all four kids trapped in the house all day long for every day of summer. It's not that dramatic.

Is it work? Definitely. Is it impossible or even very difficult? Not really, if you have the right approach and right attitude.

[Anonymous]

This is how transitions occur.

[Anonymous]

I don't think taking care of 3 kids is asking too much at all. Especially because at least your youngest will probably be napping at different points in the day. I agree to set up a schedule/plan for each day if you can to make things more structured.

[Anonymous]

Make a routine for her to follow for the first few weeks while she gets her footing. Days with small kids feel less overwhelming when you can envision the blocks of time.

7am - kids up, use potty, get dressed
7:20 - breakfast (post list of breakfast ideas in the kitchen)
7:45 - kids play, clean breakfast dishes, pack bag for morning outing
9:00 - morning outing (see list of ideas - ie: take bubbles and chalk and bikes to driveway and play out front, walk to local park, go to local pool, etc)
12:30 - home, unpack bag, settle down for naps
1:00 - nap for younger kids, quiet time for older kid
2:00 - older child may leave room from quiet time. Take out big kid toys (Legos? Etc)
3:00 - younger kids up, snack time (see list in kitchen)
3:30 - mom home
4:00 - off duty!

[Anonymous]

I would send the two older ones to camp if you are worried about naps.