New nanny and my close friend telling different accounts, I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Is this over the top and neurotic, yes. Would I have handled it that way, no. But is it the OP's right to have these high standards for her nanny (i.e. interactive, engaging, providing stimulation) -- yup, she's the parent.

OP, you're a little hung up on whether or not there was a lie involved, and I get that. Accept that you may never know. What's the big picture here, and how can you figure out whether this nanny is the one you (and only you, not all of these other people) want to retain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we hired our nanny, absolutely everyone told us to TEST her by coming back home earlier, dropping in in the middle of the day etc. We did not do all this, but looking back, I think we should have. It helps to build trust.
This OP tested her, and that is just fine. The mistake was to confront her after the first time, from now it will be harder to know. If she is lying, she will be harder to catch moving forward. If she is not, the relation is ruined. I would have tested again, and if it turns out the same way, let her go. We have in our contract that lying is reason for immediate termination.
To the question, are nannies behaving different while parents are not around? Of course. They chat on their phones, maybe even sleep, or order stuff online, or cook meals for themselves, or empty your fridge or use your cosmetics. It is human. This is their job, not their calling, and most of them do it because the alternative jobs would be at Dunkin, or Target.

Wow! Yes, this is my calling, no, my alternatives are not retail or fast food. Professional nannies don't sleep on the job unless they are working 24/7, and they don' t play around on their phones either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we hired our nanny, absolutely everyone told us to TEST her by coming back home earlier, dropping in in the middle of the day etc. We did not do all this, but looking back, I think we should have. It helps to build trust.
This OP tested her, and that is just fine. The mistake was to confront her after the first time, from now it will be harder to know. If she is lying, she will be harder to catch moving forward. If she is not, the relation is ruined. I would have tested again, and if it turns out the same way, let her go. We have in our contract that lying is reason for immediate termination.
To the question, are nannies behaving different while parents are not around? Of course. They chat on their phones, maybe even sleep, or order stuff online, or cook meals for themselves, or empty your fridge or use your cosmetics. It is human. This is their job, not their calling, and most of them do it because the alternative jobs would be at Dunkin, or Target.

Wow! Yes, this is my calling, no, my alternatives are not retail or fast food. Professional nannies don't sleep on the job unless they are working 24/7, and they don' t play around on their phones either.

Seriously, PP, that's a hefty assumption. There are plenty of professional nannies that do no such thing, and it is our calling. Really insulting.

[Anonymous]

you sound crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to take a deep breath. And then another. Rather than critique the nanny's tickling time quotient, you might want to examine why you feel the need to micromanage. As a fellow parent, I get the anxiety and deep range of emotions inherent in leaving your little one in someone else's care. However, it sounds as if you really need to come to terms with this. Doing so will help ensure that your child is able to have a healthy bond with a loving childcare provider. And, ultimately, this is really best for your child in this situation. Believe me, there are some truly and disturbingly neglectful providers out there. Failing to tickle for the tickling song doesn't rank. It is wise to have a friend keep an eye out, but the nanny inquisition was really quite over the top...hence the responses you've received on this board. You're being grilled, much like you grilled the nanny, because your story sounds off. So, deep breath, self reflection, and lesson learned.

+1000 and you should apologize to the nanny if you don't want to loose her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you "on" with your children every second of every day? Why on earth wouldn't you just ask your friend to keep an eye on them? Maybe your nanny would have been extremely engaged next week. But now you've told her you have friends spying on her and think she's a liar? Good luck with that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op, please get some professional psychiatric help. Your child will be better for it

[Anonymous]

Am in the storie time too,I see lots gossipe memos up there,last time the kids I taking care went to give kiss for the other nanny ,when I got in my boss house she's asking who is the lady my kid kisses and hug?i say what?!can't believe that!
I hate this STUPID Gossipe moms ,they go there for just controulling us.
Don't trust your gossipe friend,she's just like to spread the beans,