New nanny and my close friend telling different accounts, I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

ask your friend to use her cellphone and video the next story time.

[Anonymous]

Op, you were dumb to already confront of her. You should have kept silent and had your friend video during story time. Then you would have had a real answer and would not be engaging in this she said she said stupidity.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you absolutely certain your friend was observing your nanny and baby and not some other nanny/ baby combo who looked similar?

I ask because your description of what your friend said she observed and what the nanny says happened are just so very different.

[Anonymous]

OP you needs meds and while you're at it, get a divorce attorney on retainer. You're going to need it sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

You need to enroll your DC in a real daycare center...many eyes on her care and getting more stimulation.

[Anonymous]

Op, on another note- I also understand why you want having someone on the floor with your kid. However, the ability to have a child be able to play independently under the watchful eye of a loving caregivers is also important, and furthermore, I just don't think it is realistic (or healthy) to be engaged at all times. Toddlers need the space to play and explore on their own. Also, I SAH and there is now way I can actively be on the floor with my kid during all playtime. It is too exhausting to always be chasing, chased, talking, playing, singing, etc. Also, we love story time and music class, but I do not force my child to do the gestures etc. I might tickle him, but I just left him observe at his own pace, don't make him clap his hands etc. If the child is content, it's ok to just let him be, and perhaps your nanny knows this.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

MB- I'm shocked by all the ganging up on OP. OP, I'd do the same as you, particularly with a new nanny. But I have cameras in my home (which the nanny knows of) so I can check in if/when I want (and I do almost daily) and have gotten unsolicited positive feedback on what other moms in the neighborhood have seen from my child's nanny while at the park. You're not crazy, you're careful. I've had plenty of backup care givers who where super engaged with my child in the few minutes I was around in the morning and evening, and completely indifferent to my child while I was aware, despite the fact that I have told them about and shown them where the cameras are. I'd be worried too about the vastly different stories. All I can suggest is asking another friend to tell you what they observe either at the story time or a park when the weather warms up. Whatever you do, good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Yep. Rosie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Yep. Rosie.

Then report the thread or go away.
Jesus, some people need to get a life.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a nightmare. I do story time. You know what. Sometimes you have to listen and we sit still. Jesus. "Were you tickling my child the whole tickle song!?!" Wtf. You sound like a loon. I hope your nanny runs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. I'm happy to pay the $$$ for a high quality professional nanny, but they're not easy to find. How do I find them?? I was going to go through agencies, but my mom friends all tell me word of mouth is the best way to find a great nanny. This is what I did and honestly, am not thrilled with the results.

I'm a high quality professional nanny, and I work for a micromanager. I'm paid $60 an hour, and I'll tell you straight out, it is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

(1) I think your friend sounds pretty judgy. Who would conclude that your nanny is "one of those *lazy nannies*" after a one time observance, in which a few tickles were missed?

(2) I think you put your nanny is a really awkward position, immediately confronting her about the account that your friend gave. Most honest, decent people in this world occasionally tell a lie - and when that happens, it's often unplanned, and it's defensive when posed with a question in the moment that was unexpected. Perhaps your nanny lied, but you put her in a position in which many otherwise honest, decent people also would have lied. Your nanny did not plot to deceive you, nor has she told an elaborate web of lies. She responded in the moment - not in the best way of course, but many of us would do this.

(3) It's possible that your nanny didn't know this tickle song. Is English her second language? The first time I went to a library story time, they were singing alternative PC-versions of well known nursery rhymes. I started out participating, but then had to hold back & watch to try to catch onto their alternative version of the song. Maybe she was actively paying attention, but not in the way your friend could have observed from across the room.

In your situation, I would drop the subject for now and wait for other ways to confirm the nanny's level of engagement. Perhaps the leader of story time, if you know her, can give you her impression? Or the lead of another activity your baby attends? I wouldn't have confronted the nanny based on this one account, based on a one-time observation.

[Anonymous]

Every story has three sides; yours, mine and the truth. Your nanny and the friend are probably both exaggerating. Or your friend was looking at the wrong caregiver and thought it was your nanny. You don't know. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you were dumb to already confront of her. You should have kept silent and had your friend video during story time. Then you would have had a real answer and would not be engaging in this she said she said stupidity.

Yes. Live and learn.