New nanny and my close friend telling different accounts, I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Is the nanny younger and prettier than your friend? If so, there's your answer as to why your friend was throwing her under the bus.

[Anonymous]

You seriously got someone to spy on your nanny? Why have the nanny if you can't trust her. I'm a nanny and that would upset me you sound like you like to micromanage things. This story is insane and so what if she wasn't fully engaged the whole time at least she was for part of it and not glued to her phone. Parents these days really amaze me...

[Anonymous]

Posts like this make me thank God for my kind, sane MB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this make me thank God for my kind, sane MB.

Same here my MB work from home but never micromanage me. She is one of the kind, respectful person and I am really happy working with them.

[Anonymous]

To everyone who has asked on this thread and others why MBs use nannies and don't trust them, my question for you is how much do you trust people right off the bat? Me, not very much. Sure you can check references and do background checks, but they only tell you so much. In this situation, I think OP's nanny is new, so they're probably still establishing that trust. Trust is earned, not something that anyone is entitled to! Like one's reputation for integrity, trust can be easily shattered. This is true in any relationship. But everyone already knows that, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you were dumb to already confront of her. You should have kept silent and had your friend video during story time. Then you would have had a real answer and would not be engaging in this she said she said stupidity.

Yes. Live and learn.

OMG, are you joking? Record the nanny at story time? That is insane. There are plenty of normal, non-staulkerish ways of ascertaining whether a nanny is doing a decent job.

OP, your nanny missed a few tickles at story time. That sounds like your biggest concern about her conduct. To me, it sounds like you've got yourself a keeper. Be kind, and try to be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To everyone who has asked on this thread and others why MBs use nannies and don't trust them, my question for you is how much do you trust people right off the bat? Me, not very much. Sure you can check references and do background checks, but they only tell you so much. In this situation, I think OP's nanny is new, so they're probably still establishing that trust. Trust is earned, not something that anyone is entitled to! Like one's reputation for integrity, trust can be easily shattered. This is true in any relationship. But everyone already knows that, right?

So, OP needs to take the time to go check-- by HERSELF. Not have the friend report or record.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny. I think OP is over the top, mostly bc she told the nanny she micromanages, which says to me that this behavior is typical. On the other hand, I would ABSOLUTELY want to know what my nanny was doing and how she was interacting with my child when I wasn't around. I work in a small town, everyone knows me and often report to the parents. Am I 100% interactive with the kids at all times? No. Nor do I think that's healthy. Am I amazing with the kids and at my job? Yes, and the community reports that back to the parents.

OP, you can get a sense of how she interacts with your child by the way your child interacts with nanny when you are around, but I see nothing wrong with asking a friend to report on what she sees. At the same time, if you need perfection and to micromanage her every move, you may be better off taking a few years off from work and do the job yourself.

[Anonymous]

You need to just set up a nanny cam if you are this concerned so you can see it with your own eyes

[Anonymous]

OH God, I'm also thankful of my stay at home MB, she's not a loon cray. ?

[Anonymous]

I would LOVE to hear the nanny's version of the conversation with the MB. Loco!

[Anonymous]

maybe your nanny is shy to do those things in public?

[Anonymous]

I would assume my good friend was telling the truth and the nanny was just zoning out. At 1 yo maybe it doesn't matter - group story time.
At that age I'd just watch that my child was developing well, happy, eating well, and had a nice attachment with the nanny.
Soon, I'd expect real engagement and no phone time. Books, alphabet, counting, jumping, etc. to practice together.
Set goals every month or so, leave on a sheet for nanny.
Put a dropcam in your playroom and see for yourself what is up.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to take a deep breath. And then another. Rather than critique the nanny's tickling time quotient, you might want to examine why you feel the need to micromanage. As a fellow parent, I get the anxiety and deep range of emotions inherent in leaving your little one in someone else's care. However, it sounds as if you really need to come to terms with this. Doing so will help ensure that your child is able to have a healthy bond with a loving childcare provider. And, ultimately, this is really best for your child in this situation. Believe me, there are some truly and disturbingly neglectful providers out there. Failing to tickle for the tickling song doesn't rank. It is wise to have a friend keep an eye out, but the nanny inquisition was really quite over the top...hence the responses you've received on this board. You're being grilled, much like you grilled the nanny, because your story sounds off. So, deep breath, self reflection, and lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

When we hired our nanny, absolutely everyone told us to TEST her by coming back home earlier, dropping in in the middle of the day etc. We did not do all this, but looking back, I think we should have. It helps to build trust.
This OP tested her, and that is just fine. The mistake was to confront her after the first time, from now it will be harder to know. If she is lying, she will be harder to catch moving forward. If she is not, the relation is ruined. I would have tested again, and if it turns out the same way, let her go. We have in our contract that lying is reason for immediate termination.
To the question, are nannies behaving different while parents are not around? Of course. They chat on their phones, maybe even sleep, or order stuff online, or cook meals for themselves, or empty your fridge or use your cosmetics. It is human. This is their job, not their calling, and most of them do it because the alternative jobs would be at Dunkin, or Target.