Potential new nanny, great refs...husband has multiple arrests. Advice please!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not a great situation. There have been several DV contacts with the police. She seems like a really good person, but he seems like a really troubled guy with a severe drinking problem that results in violence toward her. He's no longer drinking but it's hard to say whether that changes much.


OP again adding to this: I learned this from a call with the county sheriff's office and reading the arrest reports. When talking with the sheriff's office, the woman I spoke with told me that she is in charge of running background checks for home day care providers, and when doing so, they also run background checks on all persons associated with them. She said she's found that a remarkably high number of women in caregiver positions - home daycare, nanny, similar - are domestic assault victims. She said "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just find it surprising how common that is with these women."

So something to think about - there are probably an awful lot of nannies out there whose boyfriend or spouse you may not have Googled but who are currently living in domestic violence situations.

You are a lying troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. Not a great situation. There have been several DV contacts with the police. She seems like a really good person, but he seems like a really troubled guy with a severe drinking problem that results in violence toward her. He's no longer drinking but it's hard to say whether that changes much.


OP again adding to this: I learned this from a call with the county sheriff's office and reading the arrest reports. When talking with the sheriff's office, the woman I spoke with told me that she is in charge of running background checks for home day care providers, and when doing so, they also run background checks on all persons associated with them. She said she's found that a remarkably high number of women in caregiver positions - home daycare, nanny, similar - are domestic assault victims. She said "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just find it surprising how common that is with these women."

So something to think about - there are probably an awful lot of nannies out there whose boyfriend or spouse you may not have Googled but who are currently living in domestic violence situations.

You are a lying troll.

I can see how this is true. As a nanny in an awful dv situation. I am forced to be a live in nanny by my abuser who is married. He is not my employer by the way. He has total control over me and I can live close to him and he can hurt me. If I ever moved away or decided to get a new job I would fear for my life or that of my families.

[Anonymous]

1000000% no if they are still involved.

Why on earth would you consider this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: for totally different reasons we may not hire. So I may not have to make a decision on this one after all.

Oh really??

You were so gung-ho on hiring her before all these people started advising you not to hire her because they scared you into thinking her husband would show up at your house and you would be putting your kids in danger, etc.

Please OP, be honest and upfront with us all. Keep it real.

And for the love of God.

Do not blame the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: for totally different reasons we may not hire. So I may not have to make a decision on this one after all.

Oh really??

You were so gung-ho on hiring her before all these people started advising you not to hire her because they scared you into thinking her husband would show up at your house and you would be putting your kids in danger, etc.

Please OP, be honest and upfront with us all. Keep it real.

And for the love of God.

Do not blame the victim.

I'm not blaming the victim, so no need for you to make that assumption.

We found someone who lives literally five minutes from us and has GREAT flexibility for last minute, short term sitting like "we need to run kid to doctor, can you swing by for 30 minutes?" kind of stuff. That's a need in our life that has been lacking as we don't have many nearby people we can rely on, and I know it's really inconvenient to drive for 20/30 minutes for an hour long job. Five minutes away, though, not a big deal. New candidate is also looking for something for at least 18-24+ months while she finishes a degree, versus a potentially shorter term. She also sounded a lot like our really excellent, four year plus nanny who was essentially on a similar career/education path and stayed with us for quite a while as she made her way through school.

So yes, totally different reasons. We are still hoping to work with the first candidate as a regular tutor so it's not like we're trying to hide from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: for totally different reasons we may not hire. So I may not have to make a decision on this one after all.

Oh really??

You were so gung-ho on hiring her before all these people started advising you not to hire her because they scared you into thinking her husband would show up at your house and you would be putting your kids in danger, etc.

Please OP, be honest and upfront with us all. Keep it real.

And for the love of God.

Do not blame the victim.

Please, be a grown up. nobody is blaming the victim. if you think that leaving your little kids at home with a nanny whose husband has not one but multiple arrests for domestic violence should not be a concern for parents you are nuts. not hiring her is not equivalent to blaming her for the situation.