Completely crumbled very long vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will nannies ever learn that it is JUST A JOB. If your MB found someone who work from $5.00 less an hour, you would be fired. OP, your employer should never have put you in this situation. Leave and never look back.

When will YOU ever learn that being the primary caregiver of a young child, is NOT "just a job"? It's a commitment, one of the most important commitments there is. If you don't have a clue, I feel sorry for the child.

I feel sorry for all the children who have mothers who refuse, or are Incapable, of making this commitment to their hild(ren) and hire someone else to do what they can't, or won't, do.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a situation that is similar, I asked for a dollar raise (3children, baby included) and five paid sick days. It was a Friday after two weeks of lice (me dealing with the brunt) they looked at me like I had two heads, and told me they would get back to me. They then offered fifty cents and no sick days, I told them I was hoping they would reconsider and financially I am struggling. After another week they agreed to the dollar, but still no sick days. It's been three years with this family and I've never felt so unsure about a family. I started looking, knowing I could find what I wanted somewhere else, I did, but know I am very worried about giving notice. I don't know how they will react, I almost expect an emotional " If you don't like it here, get out, now!". Which would be fine, except I have a vacation and pay that I've worked very hard for and feeling it's not fair to give it up just so they can have a longer time to find a replacement. So I'm considering giving them four weeks notice at time I can afford to be unemployed until new job starts. I know I'lll still come off to them as abandoning their family and inconveniently quitting after my vacation, but there really isn't any easy way to do this. They are already angry about giving me a raise, feeling I have them over a barrel, but it's truly about job happiness and security for me and I just don't know where I stand with this family. Anyway, due to the circumstances it seems I will be facing a similar cold front in my work place (which it is already chilly), OP any words of wisdom?

[Anonymous]

Pp with the vacation, give notice after you get back, and make it two weeks. Do not give them a months notice!

[Anonymous]

I totally get how you feel about grandparents. The gparents of my current 2 don't tell me what to do as such but when they visit they are constantly in mine and the kids faces. I dont get a moments peace and they follow us everywhere-to every activity etc. That would be fine except they undermine me constantly and as theyre v hands on and the kids dont want anything to do with me i feel as though i end up just being the bad cop, stepping in when discipline issues arise. The gparents cant be left alone with the kids as theyre not v safety aware

With the sickness-thats part of the job. It isnt pleasant but its the main advantage to a nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP was right to send the message. If at the end of the day the grandparents had said she was lazy and uninvolved then MB would certainly have assumed she was slacking off rather than that the visitors were intruding on her routine. More, to be the sole outcast in a hostile environment, MB not supporting her authority, she probably felt extremely uncomfortable. I would say if you choose to stay then share a copy of your daily routine and ask if anyone would like to participate in a particular activity.

OP here. Thank you so much for understanding and kind words. I am very involved with this child and genuinely care for his physical mental and emotional well being. I teach him a foreign language and I buy him gifts, I try my best to make him grow into a confident, well mannered, smart, resourceful and emotionally secure child. I have a college degree in psychology and human development and try to use my knowledge and experience to the best of my ability. I also cared for him and took him to the doctors numerous times when he was ill, many times falling ill myself and working through it. I just felt that the situations that were forced upon me were just already too much. Especially the mean spirited comments left me feel very disrespected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a situation that is similar, I asked for a dollar raise (3children, baby included) and five paid sick days. It was a Friday after two weeks of lice (me dealing with the brunt) they looked at me like I had two heads, and told me they would get back to me. They then offered fifty cents and no sick days, I told them I was hoping they would reconsider and financially I am struggling. After another week they agreed to the dollar, but still no sick days. It's been three years with this family and I've never felt so unsure about a family. I started looking, knowing I could find what I wanted somewhere else, I did, but know I am very worried about giving notice. I don't know how they will react, I almost expect an emotional " If you don't like it here, get out, now!". Which would be fine, except I have a vacation and pay that I've worked very hard for and feeling it's not fair to give it up just so they can have a longer time to find a replacement. So I'm considering giving them four weeks notice at time I can afford to be unemployed until new job starts. I know I'lll still come off to them as abandoning their family and inconveniently quitting after my vacation, but there really isn't any easy way to do this. They are already angry about giving me a raise, feeling I have them over a barrel, but it's truly about job happiness and security for me and I just don't know where I stand with this family. Anyway, due to the circumstances it seems I will be facing a similar cold front in my work place (which it is already chilly), OP any words of wisdom?

OP. I hear you. I feel you. If I had known the atmosphere would take on such a dense and unpleasant turn I would have never asked for a raise and just quietly look for a different family. Though from them being both educated and professionals, the mom herself being an executive, I thought they would understand and reward me for my hard work, loyalty and dedication. Unfortunately that was not the case. The fact that she wanted to attach a handful of strings to the 50 c raise without even asking me if I would accept was so shady. After I told her I didn't want the raise anymore she continued to provoke me and felt like she took pleasure in tormenting me and confronting me and provoking me for an argument. Ay yayayayayay. It felt terrible. I would just tell you to take your vacation, enjoy it, as you've worked hard for it, and give the required notice that you have in your contract upon your return. Good luck and a big hug your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.

Calm down. The OP Nanny is handling this better than you! The child will be fine. Maybe the parents are awful but the consequences of that (if true) are far more significant than the "suffering...of this broken attachment" with the nanny.

Good heavens.

Don't you know anything about suddenly severed bonds with primary attatchments? You really should study up a little.

Good grief. He won't even remember her after a few weeks. Get off your high horse. She is the help, she is not the parent and the child will forget her after a couple of weeks. Also she is not as educated as she thinks she is by the way of grammar in her posts and she sounds judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I have not asked to go home. I merely suggested that since hey really are taking charge and I am sitting on a couch, maybe she can give me the rest of the day of so they can bond. They looked uncomfortable and I was too.

Caring for diarrhea, vomiting and high fever sick child was never something I said I could do, though I did that with humility and care. I did much more than in my job description, I cooked special diet for the whole family, almost daily, not only for my charge. I got bags and bags of groceries, I got him to swim comfortably in a pool, took him to the pool the first time and last, as they're not swimmers. I scrubbed their mildewed washing machine with a toothbrush. I cleaned their fridge for two hours (she said "thanks, I didn't clean it since he was born"), I soaked and brushed the carpet, floors and upholstery covered with vomit after I came back from a weekend. I dropped books to the library, I took haircuts, doctors and other appointments. I did more and often what was beyond in my contract, and I was paid an $18.5 hr on the books, no benefits, standard leave.

My boy will surely recover, as kids have great resilience and I think I managed to teach him at least a tiny bit how to have compassion, sympathy, and be caring. I felt shattered after she made mean spirited and insensitive comments, as I think I gave a lot for this job and deserve a little respect.

You sound judgmental and he is not your boy. You will find another job and he will have another nanny. It is the way of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Because she told me I can't handle it, and not to text her with every little thing at work and because she loves to turn everything into a confrontation, like it was when I asked for a raise. (she asked me to text her and email her with almost very little thing, such as giving a dose of Advil for fever or teething.) I just disregarded, left it at that and cried inside.

Seriously? It sounds like you were texting her for everything which does show you couldn't handle it.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you know, no-one's perfect. I'm an employer of a nanny, but in my professional life I'm also an employee and a contract worker. I know from my own professional life, that if someone wants to dislike or discount you, they'll always be able to find a reason. I find in my work as a contract worker--where I have a great deal of flexibility--that reputation goes a long way, and that goes for the people I work for, too. I avoid--and MOST people with a carefully crafted reputation avoid--working for jerks who are known for screwing over ppl who work for them. As a result, these companies are left with equally crappy people working for them. Word gets around: DO NOT WORK FOR X. THEY'LL NICKEL AND DIME YOU, AND DRAG YOUR OWN REP THROUGH THE MUD.

Alas, Nannies don't have the same level of networked protection and grapevine information about an employee. You landed crappy employers.

So sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Because she told me I can't handle it, and not to text her with every little thing at work and because she loves to turn everything into a confrontation, like it was when I asked for a raise. (she asked me to text her and email her with almost very little thing, such as giving a dose of Advil for fever or teething.) I just disregarded, left it at that and cried inside.

Seriously? It sounds like you were texting her for everything which does show you couldn't handle it.

[b]

+100

I never bother my employers at the office. I'm a professional and know how to look after sick kids. That's what a nanny does. You sound like a baby sitter if you won't do diarrhea or a fever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Because she told me I can't handle it, and not to text her with every little thing at work and because she loves to turn everything into a confrontation, like it was when I asked for a raise. (she asked me to text her and email her with almost very little thing, such as giving a dose of Advil for fever or teething.) I just disregarded, left it at that and cried inside.

Seriously? It sounds like you were texting her for everything which does show you couldn't handle it.

[b]

+100

I never bother my employers at the office. I'm a professional and know how to look after sick kids. That's what a nanny does. You sound like a baby sitter if you won't do diarrhea or a fever.

Agreed. Professional nannies know how to conduct themselves and do not need to text the parents 100 times a day for every little think. The OP probably annoyed her with dozens of texts and acted unprofessional. Frankly she sounds very immature for someone who is supposed to be a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I didn't even text my employers after we had an earthquake... And guess what? They didn't text me either! Unless the child is hurt I do not ever call or text parents at work. My bosses are in high level positions and don't want to get emails from me asking if Larla can eat peas today or if Joes is allowed to go to the park or that I'm sitting on the couch pouting asking if I'm 'needed' when the grandparents are there and that they're taking over and the kid has the poops. Guess what Toots, having the grandparents in town sucks for ALL nannies. When the grandparents visit (for a month) they always insert themselves where they don't belong and if they want to take over, okay fine by me, it's their grandchild. They are family, you are the help, and once you are gone the child will move on. Instead of sitting on the couch little a delicate flower and texting your MB maybe you should have been proactive and done some nanny duties like organizing the child's toys or closets or prepare an art project that everyone could do together. This MB clearly sounds like she was annoyed with your performance and insecurity in your role as their child care provider. She doesn't sound nice, but you sound incompetent if you're texting her with dumb stuff during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even text my employers after we had an earthquake... And guess what? They didn't text me either! Unless the child is hurt I do not ever call or text parents at work. My bosses are in high level positions and don't want to get emails from me asking if Larla can eat peas today or if Joes is allowed to go to the park or that I'm sitting on the couch pouting asking if I'm 'needed' when the grandparents are there and that they're taking over and the kid has the poops. Guess what Toots, having the grandparents in town sucks for ALL nannies. When the grandparents visit (for a month) they always insert themselves where they don't belong and if they want to take over, okay fine by me, it's their grandchild. They are family, you are the help, and once you are gone the child will move on. Instead of sitting on the couch little a delicate flower and texting your MB maybe you should have been proactive and done some nanny duties like organizing the child's toys or closets or prepare an art project that everyone could do together. This MB clearly sounds like she was annoyed with your performance and insecurity in your role as their child care provider. She doesn't sound nice, but you sound incompetent if you're texting her with dumb stuff during the day.

You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even text my employers after we had an earthquake... And guess what? They didn't text me either! Unless the child is hurt I do not ever call or text parents at work. My bosses are in high level positions and don't want to get emails from me asking if Larla can eat peas today or if Joes is allowed to go to the park or that I'm sitting on the couch pouting asking if I'm 'needed' when the grandparents are there and that they're taking over and the kid has the poops. Guess what Toots, having the grandparents in town sucks for ALL nannies. When the grandparents visit (for a month) they always insert themselves where they don't belong and if they want to take over, okay fine by me, it's their grandchild. They are family, you are the help, and once you are gone the child will move on. Instead of sitting on the couch little a delicate flower and texting your MB maybe you should have been proactive and done some nanny duties like organizing the child's toys or closets or prepare an art project that everyone could do together. This MB clearly sounds like she was annoyed with your performance and insecurity in your role as their child care provider. She doesn't sound nice, but you sound incompetent if you're texting her with dumb stuff during the day.

Don't take this person's advice. In fact, laugh and thank the heavens you don't have the added burden of being the loud mouth person no one wants to be around. See, life isn't all bad? It could be worse, you could be this girl.