Completely crumbled very long vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your version is that you wanted the g'parents to bond. BUT, you also gave her a list of things that were making working there impossible, and you're in a 4-week countdown to the job being over. One of those things was being uncomfortable in the house with the extended family.

If I had received your text, I probably would not have made such a mean reply, but I also probably would have said something similar, like, "would you prefer to make this your last day/week? It sounds like you're very uncomfortable working with us right now."

I would, in fact, have been annoyed that you aired your grievances, I told you there was nothing I could (would) do about the family, and we had, I thought, come to an agreement that you would stay on for four more weeks. And then, just a couple of days later, you text to say you want to go home early (and presumably still be paid).

So, while I understand that you're miserable with this situation, what exactly did you expect her to say?

I have not given her a list of things today. I just said it looks like my presence was not required. I have endured weeks and weeks again of up to ten people living in this small townhouse at times and certainly did not expect to be off all this time. This is very last two days before gparents depart overseas and seems like they were more into taking charge today than before.

I did in fact prepare myself to stay 4 weeks and do my job as best as ever with same dedication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.

Calm down. The OP Nanny is handling this better than you! The child will be fine. Maybe the parents are awful but the consequences of that (if true) are far more significant than the "suffering...of this broken attachment" with the nanny.

Good heavens.

+1000
"broken attachment" my foot! Did you read OP's post? Her charge had multiple caregivers throughout the day and OP was one of them, nowhere did her post indicate she was the primary or most significant, just that she really cared for the child.
Give it up with your attachment BS. Kids grow up, families move, nannies leave...it comes with the territory, is COMPLETELY normal, and is not going to scar a child for life.

[Anonymous]

+1000
"broken attachment" my foot! Did you read OP's post? Her charge had multiple caregivers throughout the day and OP was one of them, nowhere did her post indicate she was the primary or most significant, just that she really cared for the child.
Give it up with your attachment BS. Kids grow up, families move, nannies leave...it comes with the territory, is COMPLETELY normal, and is not going to scar a child for life.

I am the primary caregiver and I do really care for him. I also teach him a foreign language, have a psychology and child development degree, and buy great gifts. I am not making this up. The more I think of it the more it makes me feel like I really got the short end of the stick here aaaaaand no respect.

[Anonymous]

Caring for sick kids is part of your job. If you don't want to go that, go work retail. That's just bizarre. The #1 benefit to having a nanny is so you have someone to care for your sick kids when you have to work!! You don't sound very confidant. The grandparents are always annoying, it's the hardest part of my job, but I would never just sit on the couch and stop doing my job. You just want to complain and then say what you did was right when people challenge you. Ok you're right. Happy now? Stop being a wimp and of your job!

[Anonymous]

I am a professional nanny signed to the biggest and best agency in DC and get a lot of work. Caring for a child with a cold or other minor illness is sure part of the job, but a diarrhea, vomiting and high fever, no way. You do not send kids like that to school and parents stay home. It's part of being a parent to care for YOUR sick child, unless you're paying your nanny sick time off EVERY TIME she gets ill, not only the standard 5 days sick a year, provide her health insurance and pay co-pays for sick visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your version is that you wanted the g'parents to bond. BUT, you also gave her a list of things that were making working there impossible, and you're in a 4-week countdown to the job being over. One of those things was being uncomfortable in the house with the extended family.

If I had received your text, I probably would not have made such a mean reply, but I also probably would have said something similar, like, "would you prefer to make this your last day/week? It sounds like you're very uncomfortable working with us right now."

I would, in fact, have been annoyed that you aired your grievances, I told you there was nothing I could (would) do about the family, and we had, I thought, come to an agreement that you would stay on for four more weeks. And then, just a couple of days later, you text to say you want to go home early (and presumably still be paid).

So, while I understand that you're miserable with this situation, what exactly did you expect her to say?

I have not given her a list of things today. I just said it looks like my presence was not required. I have endured weeks and weeks again of up to ten people living in this small townhouse at times and certainly did not expect to be off all this time. This is very last two days before gparents depart overseas and seems like they were more into taking charge today than before.

I did in fact prepare myself to stay 4 weeks and do my job as best as ever with same dedication.

I didn't say you gave her the list today. I said you gave her to her recently, in your discussions (according to your original post, at least). Do you think she has forgotten what you said was making your job so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a professional nanny signed to the biggest and best agency in DC and get a lot of work. Caring for a child with a cold or other minor illness is sure part of the job, but a diarrhea, vomiting and high fever, no way. You do not send kids like that to school and parents stay home. It's part of being a parent to care for YOUR sick child, unless you're paying your nanny sick time off EVERY TIME she gets ill, not only the standard 5 days sick a year, provide her health insurance and pay co-pays for sick visits.

I disagree with this. You are hired to take care of a child and if that child gets sick, you take care of them. There are too many nannies who want the parents to cater to them. In 20 years of taking care of children, I have never said to a parent that I cannot take care of their sick child. Doing so would be completely unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't suppose she'll be giving out your name as a reference to the next unsuspecting nanny?

This is why it's critical to get references both ways.

[Anonymous]

You're next nanny job will be wonderful - it just goes that way. You were a loyal and devoted nanny and you'll do great!

[Anonymous]

*** Your next nanny job not "You're next nanny job..." Sorry, my change was sick all day today and I am exhausted!

[Anonymous]

Lol to the nanny who thinks caring for sick kids isn't part of your job. "Biggest and best agency in DC". You're a small fish in a big pond honey. Nannies in LA and NYC who earn $30/hr li
care for sick kids.

[Anonymous]

When will nannies ever learn that it is JUST A JOB. If your MB found someone who work from $5.00 less an hour, you would be fired. OP, your employer should never have put you in this situation. Leave and never look back.

[Anonymous]

I think OP was right to send the message. If at the end of the day the grandparents had said she was lazy and uninvolved then MB would certainly have assumed she was slacking off rather than that the visitors were intruding on her routine. More, to be the sole outcast in a hostile environment, MB not supporting her authority, she probably felt extremely uncomfortable. I would say if you choose to stay then share a copy of your daily routine and ask if anyone would like to participate in a particular activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP was right to send the message. If at the end of the day the grandparents had said she was lazy and uninvolved then MB would certainly have assumed she was slacking off rather than that the visitors were intruding on her routine. More, to be the sole outcast in a hostile environment, MB not supporting her authority, she probably felt extremely uncomfortable. I would say if you choose to stay then share a copy of your daily routine and ask if anyone would like to participate in a particular activity.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will nannies ever learn that it is JUST A JOB. If your MB found someone who work from $5.00 less an hour, you would be fired. OP, your employer should never have put you in this situation. Leave and never look back.

When will YOU ever learn that being the primary caregiver of a young child, is NOT "just a job"? It's a commitment, one of the most important commitments there is. If you don't have a clue, I feel sorry for the child.