Au pair with unsavory boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Help!!! Just after agreeing to match with a fantastic overseas au pair, I found out that her beloved boyfriend runs a porn site. This was openly advertised on his social media which is linked to hers. I did not run a sting operation to find this out— it’s right there for anyone (his family and friends) to see.

I am disgusted by this and shocked that she would think it is OK to be in the relationship at all. I worry about what it says about her values and the people she may keep company with here. I also wonder about her level of responsibility and decision making. And I have tween girls who need a role model. What if he wants to come visit??

On the other hand, we liked her enough to match with her, and as far as I can tell she does not participate in the porn. I did not pay to find that out for sure…. I’m trying to be nonjudgmental but am having a really hard time with this. Had I known before the match, I think I would have walked away. But now I feel committed.

Any thoughts??? Help!!

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with running that site? As long as everyone is a consenting adult ...

As for your children, you absolutely have the right to tell the au pair she is not allowed any guests over or to bring your children around anyone she dates.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have an au pair who was involved in porn in any way. I think it reflects their values and what they think is acceptable. They spend a lot of time with your family. I would cancel the match, concerned she is not a role model for my kids (mine are boy and girl in middle school).

[Anonymous]

I know….. I guess sexual exploitation of any kind is not consistent with our family values and so it disturbs me that we could have someone living here and caring for our children that finds this to be OK. I’d feel the same way if he were a drug dealer or a white supremacist too…. I feel like it reflects on her to tolerate that?

But as you say, it’s not illegal and I don’t think she’s in on it? But not 100% sure. Is it worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t have an au pair who was involved in porn in any way. I think it reflects their values and what they think is acceptable. They spend a lot of time with your family. I would cancel the match, concerned she is not a role model for my kids (mine are boy and girl in middle school).

Thanks…. At least that makes me feel like I’m not off base to be upset about this.

[Anonymous]

I would pass. Just let her know your plans have changed-relative is moving in, you scaled back work hours any excuse to break gently that you don’t want to move forward. Normally I’m here to troll but yeah I would pass especially with you having tween girls.

[Anonymous]

You can break the match and move on.

Our current au pair came to us when her previously matched host family broke the match before she arrived from overseas. If this woman is a strong candidate, she'd have no problem matching with someone else.

[Anonymous]

How did you find out about it? That's strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pass. Just let her know your plans have changed-relative is moving in, you scaled back work hours any excuse to break gently that you don’t want to move forward. Normally I’m here to troll but yeah I would pass especially with you having tween girls.

"Normally, I'm here to troll" ???.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would pass. Just let her know your plans have changed-relative is moving in, you scaled back work hours any excuse to break gently that you don’t want to move forward. Normally I’m here to troll but yeah I would pass especially with you having tween girls.

"Normally, I'm here to troll" ???.

Meaning normally I side with nanny or aupair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out about it? That's strange.

She went to her Facebook page. If your relationship status is public you can click on who that person is in a relationship with and view their page. The porn is on the boyfriend page and I’m sure aupair isn’t too far behind. Probably has a private only fans page. Either way I would pass

[Anonymous]

Give some details and I can tell you what her onlyfans is

[Anonymous]

OP here. So I found it on his Instagram, which is wide open and linked to Only Fans. I didn’t know what that was… lesson learned. I did NOT go out of my way to find it, which made it all the more scary.

I asked about it today and she was mortified, said she didn’t realize the link was there as hadn’t been to his Instagram in a while, and was incredibly upset that this could result in breaking the match. She also says that he’s out of the picture effective immediately and she knows he is never to set foot in our home. And that I do not want anything of this nature around my children or family or connected to us.

While I find it almost impossible that she had no clue, I caved. I’m willing to give her a chance now that she’s on notice that this is not in keeping with our values, since she says it isn’t with hers either.

Time will tell if I’ve made the right choice….. sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found it on his Instagram, which is wide open and linked to Only Fans. I didn’t know what that was… lesson learned. I did NOT go out of my way to find it, which made it all the more scary.

I asked about it today and she was mortified, said she didn’t realize the link was there as hadn’t been to his Instagram in a while, and was incredibly upset that this could result in breaking the match. She also says that he’s out of the picture effective immediately and she knows he is never to set foot in our home. And that I do not want anything of this nature around my children or family or connected to us.

While I find it almost impossible that she had no clue, I caved. I’m willing to give her a chance now that she’s on notice that this is not in keeping with our values, since she says it isn’t with hers either.

Time will tell if I’ve made the right choice….. sigh.

You’re putting your daughters in danger! I would not match and she knows what type of business he’s in as she is in the same work herself. Please don’t come crying when you find your daughters on the dark web or worse being pimped out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found it on his Instagram, which is wide open and linked to Only Fans. I didn’t know what that was… lesson learned. I did NOT go out of my way to find it, which made it all the more scary.

I asked about it today and she was mortified, said she didn’t realize the link was there as hadn’t been to his Instagram in a while, and was incredibly upset that this could result in breaking the match. She also says that he’s out of the picture effective immediately and she knows he is never to set foot in our home. And that I do not want anything of this nature around my children or family or connected to us.

While I find it almost impossible that she had no clue, I caved. I’m willing to give her a chance now that she’s on notice that this is not in keeping with our values, since she says it isn’t with hers either.

Time will tell if I’ve made the right choice….. sigh.

You asked and she was mortified yeah mortified that YOU found out. She knows what he’s into and you fell for it like a dummy. She and him sitting down laughing at you