Let's put the coffee cup argument to rest

[Anonymous]

Au Pairs are allowed to load things into the dishwasher that they didn't use. Like a few coffee cups or morning dishes of the host parent. I defy any host parent to tell me an au pair that they had who refused to put coffee cups in the dishwasher who was a stellar AP in other ways. That just doesn't make sense, if your AP does this I would consider rematch now. It's petty AF.

Likewise, host families who make their AP do a lot of dishes that were not used as part of a family meal are rotten. And likewise on the weekend if the Au Pair leaves a few dishes in the sink when she's off duty it would be petty AF for the host family to not put them in the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

My last AP left my one coffee cup in the sink every.single.morning. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My last AP left my one coffee cup in the sink every.single.morning. Ugh.

And how was she otherwise? As a housemate and as an AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My last AP left my one coffee cup in the sink every.single.morning. Ugh.

Why would you leave your mug there every single morning? She probably knew you were not going to put it away next day either and she didn’t want to do it for you every.single.morning

[Anonymous]

I have the opposite problem. My AP leaves a glass on the counter top EVERY single day at the end of her shift and I always put it way. I have told her once to put it away when she is done using it but she seems to forget every day. It is just a glass but it is quite annoying. We love her but I need to tell her maybe one last time...

With that said, I would never cleanup everything and leave her glass for her to cleanup, it is just petty and I don't think any great AP would do that either. It is annoying but I still cleanup after her.

[Anonymous]

As a longtime host mom I find I’m happiest when I will myself into blindness about what is in the sink or on the counter. All my au pairs have had their strengths and weaknesses. One cleaned (like good deep clean) the kitchen every day but also bickered with my eldest like an annoying sibling. Current au pair is not great about picking up after herself but lingers after she’s off shift snuggling the baby. I have yet to have an au pair I would really call a dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My last AP left my one coffee cup in the sink every.single.morning. Ugh.

Why would you leave your mug there every single morning? She probably knew you were not going to put it away next day either and she didn’t want to do it for you every.single.morning

Who said it was every day? In our house we sometimes can load all of the adult morning dishes and sometimes we can’t given a small kitchen and schedules. But the petty AP’s who won’t load 4 things into a dishwasher they are already loading are duds. Sorry. Not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Let's take the problem from the top.
The parent doesn't clean up their own mess and some people here are fussing about how the Au Pair is wrong for not putting it in the dishwasher. The parent's flaw became the Au Pair's responsability ... Interesting point of view.

The Au Pair is not at your home to clean up after you but to be there for the children. They are warned before they leave home NOT TO clean up after the parents.

For the mom whose Au Pair doesn't pick up her own glass everyday : just tell her AGAIN to put it away, it's as simple as that. You're not supposed to clean up after herself in anyway either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the opposite problem. My AP leaves a glass on the counter top EVERY single day at the end of her shift and I always put it way. I have told her once to put it away when she is done using it but she seems to forget every day. It is just a glass but it is quite annoying. We love her but I need to tell her maybe one last time...

With that said, I would never cleanup everything and leave her glass for her to cleanup, it is just petty and I don't think any great AP would do that either. It is annoying but I still cleanup after her.

My BP leaves his glass on the counter too, but that is because he reuses it. It’s always left in the exact same place. Sometimes I put it in the dishwasher if I am cleaning up the kitchen, but in general it’s there because he is mindful about not stacking the dishwasher with glasses after he has had one drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opposite problem. My AP leaves a glass on the counter top EVERY single day at the end of her shift and I always put it way. I have told her once to put it away when she is done using it but she seems to forget every day. It is just a glass but it is quite annoying. We love her but I need to tell her maybe one last time...

With that said, I would never cleanup everything and leave her glass for her to cleanup, it is just petty and I don't think any great AP would do that either. It is annoying but I still cleanup after her.

My BP leaves his glass on the counter too, but that is because he reuses it. It’s always left in the exact same place. Sometimes I put it in the dishwasher if I am cleaning up the kitchen, but in general it’s there because he is mindful about not stacking the dishwasher with glasses after he has had one drink.

Pp here, I get that bit goes he put in the dishwasher at the end oh his shift? Mine doesn’t like ever. But she is a good au pair so it is not a bid deal although it annoys me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a longtime host mom I find I’m happiest when I will myself into blindness about what is in the sink or on the counter. All my au pairs have had their strengths and weaknesses. One cleaned (like good deep clean) the kitchen every day but also bickered with my eldest like an annoying sibling. Current au pair is not great about picking up after herself but lingers after she’s off shift snuggling the baby. I have yet to have an au pair I would really call a dud.

Same here. My first AP would load the dishwasher so haphazardly I thought she had to be trolling me. But now I ignore the small things (or try my best lol). If my kid are happy and safe then I can let a dirty dish (even if it's every day) slide. I also try hard to look for the extra things that AP has done and not take them for granted; helps me rationalize not caring about that dirty dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a longtime host mom I find I’m happiest when I will myself into blindness about what is in the sink or on the counter. All my au pairs have had their strengths and weaknesses. One cleaned (like good deep clean) the kitchen every day but also bickered with my eldest like an annoying sibling. Current au pair is not great about picking up after herself but lingers after she’s off shift snuggling the baby. I have yet to have an au pair I would really call a dud.

Same here. My first AP would load the dishwasher so haphazardly I thought she had to be trolling me. But now I ignore the small things (or try my best lol). If my kid are happy and safe then I can let a dirty dish (even if it's every day) slide. I also try hard to look for the extra things that AP has done and not take them for granted; helps me rationalize not caring about that dirty dish.

Dishwasher trolls loooooool

I had roommates in my late teens/early 20s who could just be so clueless about kitchen stuff. One did such a sloppy job loading the dishwasher that she ended up washing a chicken bone. We still tease her about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's take the problem from the top.
The parent doesn't clean up their own mess and some people here are fussing about how the Au Pair is wrong for not putting it in the dishwasher. The parent's flaw became the Au Pair's responsability ... Interesting point of view.

The Au Pair is not at your home to clean up after you but to be there for the children. They are warned before they leave home NOT TO clean up after the parents.

For the mom whose Au Pair doesn't pick up her own glass everyday : just tell her AGAIN to put it away, it's as simple as that. You're not supposed to clean up after herself in anyway either.

the point is...deliberately not putting away the coffee cup is a passive aggressive and petty display. an au pair who would do that deliberately is not a good au pair.

I'm still waiting for someone to say "our au pair does that but she's really awesome otherwise" but I think I'll be waiting a while. And I'm not talking about someone who is messy by nature but otherwise a great au pair. That's a different thing. DELIBERATELY not putting away a coffee cup is a bright red flag.

[Anonymous]

the parents should never leave a coffee cup in the sink under no circumstances. in the event of a power outage, the au pair should have a private bedroom, while the host parents and 3 kids sleep in the tool shed. any week where the au pair works more than 20 hours is exploitative. is that about right, troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My last AP left my one coffee cup in the sink every.single.morning. Ugh.

Why would you leave your mug there every single morning? She probably knew you were not going to put it away next day either and she didn’t want to do it for you every.single.morning

This.

Leaving something for someone else to clean up EVERY SINGLE DAY is incredibly rude. There is a difference between not cleaning the odd forgotten cup up which would be petty vs purposefully leaving stuff behind for others to clean everyday and being upset when they don’t want to. I don’t even know how you can be upset about that? I would have no problem cleaning up once in a while a forgotten cup but I would completely lose it if someone was purposefully leaving stuff for me to clean everytime just because they couldn’t be bothered to clean after themselves despite having functioning arms and legs. It’s disrespectful and as you have seen, your AP didn’t clean it so would it have killed you to put it in the dishwasher yourself and save yourself the aggravation (on both sides)?


I think the HM who is annoyed at her AP for leaving a glass out every single day is proof that whoever leaves the glass out for other to clean up is annoying af and completely rude.

It’s not about the glass it’s about the laziness behind it and the entitlement that it’s no big deal because someone will pick up after you, it’s pure laziness and entitlement.

I wouldn’t be mad at an AP for not picking after me the same way I wouldn’t expect my husband or anybody else to be mad at me for not picking up after them (and would go ballistic if they did).