Let's put the coffee cup argument to rest

[Anonymous]

I could do these things by myself but then why would I need an au pair. So give her morning off because she sucks ag crunch times? So only work 4-6:30 each day? Because at that point I wouldn’t need her. But if she can do a few extra things besides driving like dishes and she is a pleasant person then I will ask her to do those tasks to both make my life easier rather than hassle with rematch.

[Anonymous]

I have an au pair to have an extra set of hands. I wouldn't have time or patience for someone who would leave a coffee cup on the counter just because it wasn't her who used it. Most mornings we tag team the childcare, breakfast prep, lunchboxes, and kitchen clean up. My husband leaves early so he's already made a pot of coffee when we get up and AP and I have some while we get the kids organized and I get ready for work. I probably load her cup as often as she loads mine. It would be ridiculous not to.

[Anonymous]

Very longtime HM here (on year 12). I would both never intentionally leave a coffee cup for AP to put in dishwasher AND find it incredibly petty if for some reason a cup were left inadvertently and AP didn't deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very longtime HM here (on year 12). I would both never intentionally leave a coffee cup for AP to put in dishwasher AND find it incredibly petty if for some reason a cup were left inadvertently and AP didn't deal with it.

+1 This reply for the win

[Anonymous]

Think we have a unicorn au pair. Ours unloads dishwasher in morning as a part of the household chore and will clean up dishes after breakfast / dinner without being asked... In fact I have told her repeatedly she doesn’t need to do it but she will during the week when we take kids up for bed and she hangs out off shift while we are getting dinner ready and plays with the kids. She just truly enjoys spending time as part of the family and we’re very thankful!

[Anonymous]

I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

An up pair cannot perform household chores as part of her on duty work. However, the program says they can perform household chores as a member of the household. So she should never be expected to clean a whole house, but can be expected to vacuum or the empty dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

An up pair cannot perform household chores as part of her on duty work. However, the program says they can perform household chores as a member of the household. So she should never be expected to clean a whole house, but can be expected to vacuum or the empty dishwasher.

An equitable split of household chores between all adults is allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

An up pair cannot perform household chores as part of her on duty work. However, the program says they can perform household chores as a member of the household. So she should never be expected to clean a whole house, but can be expected to vacuum or the empty dishwasher.

An equitable split of household chores between all adults is allowed.

So in a one-parent house you could have the au pair do half of the chores? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

An up pair cannot perform household chores as part of her on duty work. However, the program says they can perform household chores as a member of the household. So she should never be expected to clean a whole house, but can be expected to vacuum or the empty dishwasher.

An equitable split of household chores between all adults is allowed.

So in a one-parent house you could have the au pair do half of the chores? Really?

As far as I can tell, yes they could do half of the HOUSEHOLD chores (AP does for herself and kids, HP does for themselves), if the kids are young enough to not be helping at all. In a two parent home, 1/3 would be equitable. That’s how a lot of people split cooking/clean up: one cooks, one washes pans by hand, the other loads the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unfamiliar with the concept that an au pair can perform “household chores.” I thought that they can only do child-related chores (laundry for child, wash child’s dishes).

An up pair cannot perform household chores as part of her on duty work. However, the program says they can perform household chores as a member of the household. So she should never be expected to clean a whole house, but can be expected to vacuum or the empty dishwasher.

An equitable split of household chores between all adults is allowed.

So in a one-parent house you could have the au pair do half of the chores? Really?

As far as I can tell, yes they could do half of the HOUSEHOLD chores (AP does for herself and kids, HP does for themselves), if the kids are young enough to not be helping at all. In a two parent home, 1/3 would be equitable. That’s how a lot of people split cooking/clean up: one cooks, one washes pans by hand, the other loads the dishwasher.

I find this interesting, as a HF in Canada where we don't have such rules (I hope it's ok I participate in this forum despite not being in DC!). I couldn't get our AP to do any non-work-related household chores other than some fairly limited cleaning up after dinner until I said she could do some of it as part of her paid hours. It's pretty common here to not expect much from your AP in that way, unless you're going to pay them to do them on the clock (pay is generally per hour). She still doesn't do what I would consider her fair share, but after having a very hard reset and adding things like cleaning the shared bathroom and the laundry room every other week to the paid tasks, those are getting done more regularly and she is actually working harder and more efficiently (I am not paying for more hours - she was time wasting before and I said I would have to cut her hours if she didn't actually work when I was paying her). I don't mind having to pay for them as the alternative is I do it all the time or we get a much more expensive cleaning service in. (This might be relevant for MA families or any others where the state does something similar ...)