Let's put the coffee cup argument to rest

[Anonymous]

I readily admit that I leave my coffee cup on the side every weekday morning.

I do that because I leave the house before the AP starts work and her first duty is to empty the dishwasher. This is our division of part of the family kitchen chores during the week:
She empties dishwasher first thing in the morning from dinner the night before
She loads breakfast dishes and dishes used to make lunches
She loads the kids lunch stuff after school as well as her lunch dishes
She runs the dishwasher
I empty the dishwasher
I make dinner
Kids/husband/I clean up after dinner including loading and running the dishwasher.

This might blow your minds but sometimes I even leave a dirty spoon that I used to eat my yogurt. And I make my AP put that in the dishwasher too! AP abuse! Call the State Department!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I readily admit that I leave my coffee cup on the side every weekday morning.

I do that because I leave the house before the AP starts work and her first duty is to empty the dishwasher. This is our division of part of the family kitchen chores during the week:
She empties dishwasher first thing in the morning from dinner the night before
She loads breakfast dishes and dishes used to make lunches
She loads the kids lunch stuff after school as well as her lunch dishes
She runs the dishwasher
I empty the dishwasher
I make dinner
Kids/husband/I clean up after dinner including loading and running the dishwasher.

This might blow your minds but sometimes I even leave a dirty spoon that I used to eat my yogurt. And I make my AP put that in the dishwasher too! AP abuse! Call the State Department!!!

Same, except we usually only run the dishwasher once, overnight, so the ap’s job is to unload in the mornings. The kids help. And then she is supposed to clean up the breakfast dishes, but she always leaves a few that clearly she thinks were “used” by host parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I readily admit that I leave my coffee cup on the side every weekday morning.

I do that because I leave the house before the AP starts work and her first duty is to empty the dishwasher. This is our division of part of the family kitchen chores during the week:
She empties dishwasher first thing in the morning from dinner the night before
She loads breakfast dishes and dishes used to make lunches
She loads the kids lunch stuff after school as well as her lunch dishes
She runs the dishwasher
I empty the dishwasher
I make dinner
Kids/husband/I clean up after dinner including loading and running the dishwasher.

This might blow your minds but sometimes I even leave a dirty spoon that I used to eat my yogurt. And I make my AP put that in the dishwasher too! AP abuse! Call the State Department!!!

It takes about the same amount of energy to walk to the sink and leave it there than it would to take an extra second to clean your cup and spoon.

It’s great when APs don’t mind but I don’t think parents are entitled to be upset at APs who don’t want to clean up dishes from the day before or whatever that their hf couldn’t be bothered to wash. It starts with a spoon and often end up with the dishes from the weekend greeting the AP ij the sink on Monday morning.

[Anonymous]

The AP is free to not load the coffee cup. But it’s a red flag for a petty and passive aggressive match.

[Anonymous]

I never said I wanted a medal, you’re just being hyperbolic. I said my au pairs job is to empty the dishwasher and load any dirty morning dishes. Let’s not even get into all the other things I (and most other moms) do for my kids. And my au pair, while we are on the subject.

[Anonymous]

It’s the au pair discussion section.

Nannies and APs have completely different roles in housekeeping. As part of the family the AP chips in with some housework. A nanny would be paid extra for that

[Anonymous]

This nanny was an super twice so this nanny will comment as she wishes on this thread. This nanny will also ask WHY you can’t put away your own cup??

[Anonymous]

*AUPAIR

[Anonymous]

This host mom will say (yet again) that refusing to do small tasks like this makes an au pair petty. And she will generally not be a good au pair. We are not taking about leaving a sink full of dishes. It’s one cup. Should I start charging my AP for the weekly cleaning of her room and bathroom or is she part of the family so we just cover that? Maybe I’ll put away my cup if she cleans her own space if we are being petty??

[Anonymous]

OMG most of you people would be impossible to live with.

[Anonymous]

I definitely leave dishes for my au pair to do, AND she cleans up the kitchen after dinner. Why you ask? Because otherwise I’d have to rematch. She can’t get the kids ready for school and so it is either have her do something helpful or rematch. And she can’t seem to get them in bed either so she cleans up While I get the kids to bed. Because again, if she didn’t, what exactly would I have her do? Some ap’s are better at childcare than others, and most enjoy being with us so we find a way to make it work. For the au pairs who are stronger caregivers, the chores are split more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely leave dishes for my au pair to do, AND she cleans up the kitchen after dinner. Why you ask? Because otherwise I’d have to rematch. She can’t get the kids ready for school and so it is either have her do something helpful or rematch. And she can’t seem to get them in bed either so she cleans up While I get the kids to bed. Because again, if she didn’t, what exactly would I have her do? Some ap’s are better at childcare than others, and most enjoy being with us so we find a way to make it work. For the au pairs who are stronger caregivers, the chores are split more.

What is the point of having an AP if she can't do child related tasks? What is the point of your AP exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This host mom will say (yet again) that refusing to do small tasks like this makes an au pair petty. And she will generally not be a good au pair. We are not taking about leaving a sink full of dishes. It’s one cup. Should I start charging my AP for the weekly cleaning of her room and bathroom or is she part of the family so we just cover that? Maybe I’ll put away my cup if she cleans her own space if we are being petty??

+1. HFs provide perks for APs and try not to be stingy or provide the bare minimum required. An AP who does the bare minimum and provides no "perks" isn't a great AP. Just minimally tolerable.

[Anonymous]

I am the one who posted that my au pair does the dishes because she doesn’t help with the morning routine and bedtime routine. She does provide driving and is good at playing with the kids she just can’t get them going so this has worked for us. And before you say she resents us for making her do the dishes, she actually just asked us to extend (I’m going to say no).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely leave dishes for my au pair to do, AND she cleans up the kitchen after dinner. Why you ask? Because otherwise I’d have to rematch. She can’t get the kids ready for school and so it is either have her do something helpful or rematch. And she can’t seem to get them in bed either so she cleans up While I get the kids to bed. Because again, if she didn’t, what exactly would I have her do? Some ap’s are better at childcare than others, and most enjoy being with us so we find a way to make it work. For the au pairs who are stronger caregivers, the chores are split more.

You could also be a parent and do these things by yourself (putting your kids to bed and getting them ready for school).