Letting go of nanny - personality clash

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been with us for two weeks now and just isn’t working out as we had hoped. She is doing the job just fine, but DH and I just aren’t clicking with her. We have had a couple minor miscommunications but overall she seems a bit pushy/condescending when it comes to the best ways to do things. It’s subtle but rubs DH and I the wrong way. I don’t think she means to come off this way necessarily but it’s just her personality.

DH and I are going to meet with a few other nannies to see if we like someone else better, and if so, let her go. What is the best way to part ways with her if we do - let her go on a Friday evening and ask her not to come back? Would we need to give her some kind of severance?

I am so torn up about this because the nanny means well and will probably be blindsided and upset. She is trying and works hard, but just doesn’t seem right for us. Has anyone else been in this situation? What would others do here?

[Anonymous]

I think it is sneaky + inconsiderate OP of you & your husband to secretly meet w/other prospective Nannies behind your current Nanny’s back.

I think the best thing you can do at this point is try talking to your Nanny and see if you both can work together to try to make this work.
If that is not even a possibility at this point -
Then I strongly encourage you to let her go immediately.
Severance is totally up to you.

Perhaps contact a reputable Nanny agency vs. a childcare website to secure a better match.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes, you absolutely owe her severance. Be kind and tell her as gently as possible that it simply isn’t working out and hand her her severance check. Thank her and ask for your keys back.

After two weeks, your baby hasn’t bonded with her so there is no issue there.

And, OP, interview more carefully! Ask more questions and do a paid trial. This is on you for not being more diligent.

[Anonymous]

This is why it’s wise to have a 2-4 week trial period agreed upon during which you can let nanny go with no notice/severance and nanny can quit with no notice, in case it is not working out for either side. If you didn’t have any such trial period discussion... it would be the kind thing to give her some pay (in lieu of notice), especially since it is not a safety or other serious fireable offense.
I think it’s okay to look for other nannies, as an unhappy nanny would also look for jobs before quitting.

[Anonymous]

At this point, you should give at least two weeks severance and her dismissal is immediate.

Just a note, however - she is your child’s nanny and not yours. You don’t need to like her and she doesn’t need to even like you. You judge a nanny on how she relates to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has been with us for two weeks now and just isn’t working out as we had hoped. She is doing the job just fine, but DH and I just aren’t clicking with her. We have had a couple minor miscommunications but overall she seems a bit pushy/condescending when it comes to the best ways to do things. It’s subtle but rubs DH and I the wrong way. I don’t think she means to come off this way necessarily but it’s just her personality.

DH and I are going to meet with a few other nannies to see if we like someone else better, and if so, let her go. What is the best way to part ways with her if we do - let her go on a Friday evening and ask her not to come back? Would we need to give her some kind of severance?

I am so torn up about this because the nanny means well and will probably be blindsided and upset. She is trying and works hard, but just doesn’t seem right for us. Has anyone else been in this situation? What would others do here?

How would you feel if nanny told you on Friday that she wasn't coming back? At least give her two weeks pay.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a contract? If so, any terms spelled out in there would apply. In a perfect world, and certainly with your next hire, put a probationary period in your contract. That can be a month, or even three months if you want, but it's a period of time during which employment can be terminated without the same notice that might be specified elsewhere in the contract.

Presuming you don't have a contract that specifies terms, I would let her go on a Friday, hand her one week's severance, with her the best, and move on.

At two weeks in this isn't traumatic for your child, doesn't require extended notice or severance, and should be handled as cleanly as possible.

THat said, I might also have a direct, calm, conversation with her first if you're at all inclined to see if this can work. (Replacing a nanny is hard!) It's possible to have a conversation where you say "Jane, we want to touch base on how things are going in the first two weeks. How are you feeling about the job? Do you have any concerns?" Then let her talk and see if she raises anything you can use as a conversation starter.

If she doesn't, and just says things are great, then you continue. "Well, we have some things we'd like to talk about. You are working really hard, and we very much appreciate (put in several things you like and want to encourage that she is doing well). One thing we want to talk about is that we sometimes feel you disagree with what we ask or with our parenting approach. And example is (have two or three instances of conversations illustrating when you felt she was pushing back at your wishes). Those moments make us feel that you aren't comfortable with our parenting approach - which would obviously be a problem for the overall fit with this job. "

Then let her talk.

It takes skill, planning, an ability to detach from your emotion's, and really good listening skills to have that kind of conversation but it's worth a shot. It might be that you can correct this dynamic early on, and also develop a way of having candid conversations with your nanny, that could really pay off.

It might not work either, but I think it's worth trying - especially if you feel she is really trying. The nanny/parent dynamic is fraught w/ emotion and discomfort around clear communication - that won't change if you switch nannies so I'd encourage you to at least try some direct communication before you decide you need to let her go.

And then, if it isn't working, just make it a clean, kind, quick break.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to click with her?
My son has a great nanny that I have become close friends with over the years but have several employees at work who do a great job but I don’t like personally.

[Anonymous]

It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

This is wrong and unfair. Severance is definitely called for. The nanny turned down other jobs for yours and deserves severance. Firing because you, the adults, don’t click is not cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

This is wrong and unfair. Severance is definitely called for. The nanny turned down other jobs for yours and deserves severance. Firing because you, the adults, don’t click is not cause.

Totally disagree. Two weeks in is still a probationary period. No severance needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

This is wrong and unfair. Severance is definitely called for. The nanny turned down other jobs for yours and deserves severance. Firing because you, the adults, don’t click is not cause.

Two weeks in is still a probationary period. No severance needed.

If there is no clause in contract about probationary period then there is no probation. You are just cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

This is wrong and unfair. Severance is definitely called for. The nanny turned down other jobs for yours and deserves severance. Firing because you, the adults, don’t click is not cause.

Two weeks in is still a probationary period. No severance needed.

If there is no clause in contract about probationary period then there is no probation. You are just cheap.

Not “cheap” but wrong and morally reprehensible. A bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only been two weeks. No need for severance. That's ridiculous. If you have a contract with your nanny this time probably falls under the probationary period (ours was on probation for the first three months of employment).

Just tell her at the end of whatever you want her last day to be that this isn't working out so you and DH have decided to let her go. Then hand her a check for all hours worked, and a reference letter, ask for keys/garage door opener/whatever back, and thank her.

This is wrong and unfair. Severance is definitely called for. The nanny turned down other jobs for yours and deserves severance. Firing because you, the adults, don’t click is not cause.

Two weeks in is still a probationary period. No severance needed.

If there is no clause in contract about probationary period then there is no probation. You are just cheap.

Clearly OP doesn’t have that stipulation in her contract or she wouldn’t have asked.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. First off, I do think my nanny deserves severance even though it has been just two weeks so we will definitely give her that.

It’s not just that we don’t like her personality, I think we just are not aligned fundamentally on some parenting and schedule related things and while she says she will defer to what we want, she then kind of makes us feel like we don’t know what we are doing and she is the expert.

I actually do like her personally, I just don’t think she is exactly what we wanted in a nanny now that we have had her on the job for a couple weeks.