when should we tell AP that we are leaving the program?

[Anonymous]

Our childcare needs have changed drastically and come September we will no longer need an AP. Our AP is heading home to visit family at the beginning of August for two weeks, and then we will need childcare full time for two more weeks after that. So, do I tell AP before she heads to visit her family or after she gets back? She is great and I do not think will have a problem rematching, especially with good references, but I'm also selfishly concerned (of course) about our own childcare needs through the end of the summer.

Along the same lines, when do we tell the agency? TIA

[Anonymous]

How long has your AP been with you?

[Anonymous]

As long as she can stay with you until she finds a rematch I don’t think you need to give her a massive amount of lead time. If you’re going to give her 2 weeks past when you strictly need her, you’re being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our childcare needs have changed drastically and come September we will no longer need an AP. Our AP is heading home to visit family at the beginning of August for two weeks, and then we will need childcare full time for two more weeks after that. So, do I tell AP before she heads to visit her family or after she gets back? She is great and I do not think will have a problem rematching, especially with good references, but I'm also selfishly concerned (of course) about our own childcare needs through the end of the summer.

Along the same lines, when do we tell the agency? TIA

You’re being a total jerk lady
You should have thought of that BEFORE you got an au pair
Former au pair here
This poor girl will be devastated
This was the best year of my life and I was lucky to have had a wonderful family
And you’re taking that away from her
That poor girl comes from far away and you just dump her like that
You should keep her until her year is over and then stuff your kid into boring preschool
You should have made it very clear from
The start that shell have to pack and live in a strangers house for the end of her year
You owe her an excellent reference and a very generous parting gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Our AP is heading home to visit family at the beginning of August for two weeks, and then we will need childcare full time for two more weeks after that. So, do I tell AP before she heads to visit her family or after she gets back?

Goodness. Just imagine leaving a HF you obviously are happy with and enjoy working for and you return from vacation and they tell you they will kick you to the curb in two weeks time... but hey, not your fault! It's us. Not you. (Of course if you don't find a new HF because it's late August, many have just welcomed their new AP and everybody is busy with back to school things you will be back in your home country in two weeks time and could just have saved all that money you just spent on your vacation)

You are breaking the contract. You want (need) her to cater to your needs and get out at your convenience though you have signed a contract that obviously runs for longer than September... yes, you tell her asap. And you deal with the consequences. You allow for more than the two weeks of rematch, either having her start rematch before she leaves for home in August or you keep her (and pay her!) in the beginning of September if she hasn't found a family by the end of August. And if she finds a family that needs her in the last week of August already you suck it up and rely on some type of back-up care and let her go without making it more difficult for her than it already will be.

Yes, sometimes your needs change. But that means you bend over backwards and don't require them to.
Or you turn into one of the horrible host families APs complain about on facebook, instagram, youtube or wherever and make it all about you.

[Anonymous]

2:12 has good advice, listen to her, not former AP who is suggesting you keep current AP until end of her term. HF's needs change all the time. Just be transparent .. wouldn't you rather your employer let you know that you were going to be out of job in 5 weeks as opposed to 2. The agency should be willing to work with you too .. to let her be in the rematch pool until she finds a new HF.

[Anonymous]

I've never heard of a decent host family doing this. When you commit to the program, you commit for the year. If your au pair is doing a good job, it is not fair to her to change the agreement. How long has your au pair been with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2:12 has good advice, listen to her, not former AP who is suggesting you keep current AP until end of her term. HF's needs change all the time. Just be transparent .. wouldn't you rather your employer let you know that you were going to be out of job in 5 weeks as opposed to 2. The agency should be willing to work with you too .. to let her be in the rematch pool until she finds a new HF.

Jerk #2
I’m the poster who’s advice you don’t like
You don’t just send girls who don’t know anybody here and who come from thousands of miles away , you don’t just dump them
You made a commitment, a pretty serious one
Never heard of such a case before

[Anonymous]

Continue to host your AP until the end of her year or at least give her the option, unless you have a better reason yo haven’t disclosed (e.g job loss).Change her hours according to your new arrangement. It’s not that easy to transition from in home care to day care or after care anyway. Even if a parent will SAH, use the help while you have it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her now. Let her get into the rematch pool ASAP and have as much time as possible to find a new family. It's good you can be honest about where your concern come from, I hope you can push past that and do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Our AP is heading home to visit family at the beginning of August for two weeks, and then we will need childcare full time for two more weeks after that. So, do I tell AP before she heads to visit her family or after she gets back?

Goodness. Just imagine leaving a HF you obviously are happy with and enjoy working for and you return from vacation and they tell you they will kick you to the curb in two weeks time... but hey, not your fault! It's us. Not you. (Of course if you don't find a new HF because it's late August, many have just welcomed their new AP and everybody is busy with back to school things you will be back in your home country in two weeks time and could just have saved all that money you just spent on your vacation)

You are breaking the contract. You want (need) her to cater to your needs and get out at your convenience though you have signed a contract that obviously runs for longer than September... yes, you tell her asap. And you deal with the consequences. You allow for more than the two weeks of rematch, either having her start rematch before she leaves for home in August or you keep her (and pay her!) in the beginning of September if she hasn't found a family by the end of August. And if she finds a family that needs her in the last week of August already you suck it up and rely on some type of back-up care and let her go without making it more difficult for her than it already will be.

Yes, sometimes your needs change. But that means you bend over backwards and don't require them to.
Or you turn into one of the horrible host families APs complain about on facebook, instagram, youtube or wherever and make it all about you.

+100, Needs change, tell her now and let her choose what she want to do (leave now or stay till September) and deal with the consequences. Be fair! Don't do to people what you wouldn't want done to you.
PS: I know a lot of family who have left the program mid-way because their need changes. This happens, but got to be done in a decent way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2:12 has good advice, listen to her, not former AP who is suggesting you keep current AP until end of her term. HF's needs change all the time. Just be transparent .. wouldn't you rather your employer let you know that you were going to be out of job in 5 weeks as opposed to 2. The agency should be willing to work with you too .. to let her be in the rematch pool until she finds a new HF.

Jerk #2
I’m the poster who’s advice you don’t like
You don’t just send girls who don’t know anybody here and who come from thousands of miles away , you don’t just dump them
You made a commitment, a pretty serious one
Never heard of such a case before

APs come sponsored by the agency, not the HF. AP will still have support of the agency through this. Were you an AP at 18 and now you're ... 20? Life events can happen -- maybe a parent got really ill or there's a job change with third shift hours. APs are not ideal for all childcare and life scenarios.
Also, a hallmark trait of a great AP is flexibility. She should be able to handle this well.

[Anonymous]

AP is "great," but probably not the best thing since sliced bread. Otherwise, "childcare needs" would not change so drastically to take an AP completely out of the picture.

Usually, this kind of shift means either 1) school is much better than having an AP care for the child, 2) family needs more hours or something else than AP can't provide, so they're leaving the program, or 3) a drastic situation such as loss of job, etc.

Host families get to determine what's best for them, just like the APs that arrive then shop around for their "perfect" family. HF is not obligated to keep AP when it doesn't fit their needs despite the contract.

OP, how long does AP have left? Are we talking about 6+ months or less than 6 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2:12 has good advice, listen to her, not former AP who is suggesting you keep current AP until end of her term. HF's needs change all the time. Just be transparent .. wouldn't you rather your employer let you know that you were going to be out of job in 5 weeks as opposed to 2. The agency should be willing to work with you too .. to let her be in the rematch pool until she finds a new HF.

Jerk #2
I’m the poster who’s advice you don’t like
You don’t just send girls who don’t know anybody here and who come from thousands of miles away , you don’t just dump them
You made a commitment, a pretty serious one
Never heard of such a case before

Hope name calling this PP makes you feel better. You are either naive or being purposefully ignorant if you've really never heard of a host family having to leave the program. Like one PP said, illness happens, job loss and becoming a SAHP happens, unexpectedly sometimes. Rematch, happens. It is quite possible OP didn't realize that her childcare needs would change so drastically., and provided she gives AP as much notice and opportunity to find a new HF as possible, she can still do right by AP and AP should be fine. If she's a good AP, she'll likely have her choice of HFs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP is "great," but probably not the best thing since sliced bread. Otherwise, "childcare needs" would not change so drastically to take an AP completely out of the picture.

Usually, this kind of shift means either 1) school is much better than having an AP care for the child, 2) family needs more hours or something else than AP can't provide, so they're leaving the program, or 3) a drastic situation such as loss of job, etc.

Host families get to determine what's best for them, just like the APs that arrive then shop around for their "perfect" family. HF is not obligated to keep AP when it doesn't fit their needs despite the contract.

OP, how long does AP have left? Are we talking about 6+ months or less than 6 months?

You’re just as bad as the OP.