Need Advice

[Anonymous]

I was a nanny for a family for over five years. We parted ways on great terms. It was just time ss kids were starting elementary school & MB changed careers & only we working 20 hours a week. So family didn't need childcare anymore. The first couple months former MB texted with updates & sent pics[flash]. We both reached out so kiddos & I could visit. By the 3rd month former MB started contacting me less & seemed annoyed when I contacted her. I sent email expressing my feelings & how much I missed her family. I expressed how I hoped I could remain in the kiddos lives. Former MB was a little cold basically said I was no longer missed & they have moved on. I wrote back that I would give their family space & would respect what she thinks is best for her family. I also let her know I didn't agree with her & I didn't see any harm in still being as loving person in her kids lives. As I have never heard being loved my to many people. After that my former MB invited me over three times in the following three weeks. I never contacted her just responded to her invites. After that I started contacting again to see kiddos. I would wait two weeks between visits before reaching out. The kiddos are always super excited to see me. In the last 6 weeks I am always the one to reach out & invite kiddos over. I have been to their house in over six weeks. I know kiddos love seeing me & want to see me as they tell that when they visit. Should I continue to be reach out? Do I ask former MB why she never contacts me to visit or watch kiddos? I just feel so hurt! As I was told when I worked for them I was family & would always be a big part of their lives. It's just so different than I thought thing would be.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Sorry for all the mistakes. I am typing on my phone. I am not sure how or if I can go back & fixs them all. Should have said I never heared of a child being loved by to many people. I have not been to former nanny family's home in over six weeks.

[Anonymous]

Time to move on.
Don't push it anymore or she will tell perspective future employers that you are a little nuts.

[Anonymous]

I would keep pushing for the kids’ sake. If you babysit, or offer to babysit, do it for free. Family friends don’t charge for babysitting. It clarifies your role in the new dynamic. Establish a new relationship - she is not your MB anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to stop contacting them. If you get invite to birthday party or something, maybe consider going. But probably true that family has moved on and its time for you to as well.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to stop. She’s trying to do the fade away and you need to let her. I say this as a nanny who has been with the same family for 14 years, but if the mom wanted space I’d give it to her. It oils break my heart, but she is the mom and you are just the nanny. You need to know your place and respect her wishes. I would never dream of emailing my boss my thoughts and feelings- so unprofessional! If you want to keep the reference, move on.

[Anonymous]

I concur w/the respondents who advised that it is best to back off & give this family some space.

While many Nanny families will claim that their Nanny is “like” family - that seldom is the case.
The dynamics are just too different.

I would wait for your former Mom Boss to contact you from now on.
She likely is very busy now to be setting up visitation time for you on such a regular basis, no offense.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I know it hurts.
It might be a jealousy thing and she doesn't like how close you have become with her kids.

If it were me I would write a card to the family saying how much they mean to you and that you will always be there. Then leave it. Wait for them to come to you and if they don't, know that they can in the future.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

She hasn’t contacted you bc she wanted to stop with the visits. Reread her intial email. You cannot say you will respect her wishes then continue to try to find ways to visit or be surprised she hasn’t contacted you. She felt sorry for you but now wants to be done. Let her. It’s time to move on. You are a nanny, not the parent. Find another job and focus on your new family.

[Anonymous]

You want to be like an aunt. You are not. You are a distant family friend. You’ll be on their Christmas card list, and you can drop off goodies for them for their birthday and Christmas and maybe you’ll be invited to big stuff like sports tournaments or music recitals or school plays. The latter (going along to a kid’s event that they had to do anyway), is a great way to keep in touch because it means that arranging a visit with you isn’t One More Thing for mom to manage. She is now doing your former job along with working 20 hours a week. She does not want to bend over backwards to build you into the schedule once a week. So either volunteer for a regular committment that would actually be helpful to her (such as picking them up from school every Tuesday and driving them to X activity), or back way way off.

And you need to have a conversation where you apologize. You wanted her to prioritize your feelings over her logistical needs. This is why nanny-as-family doesn’t work. For your entire relationship, it was your job to make her life easier. She doesn’t want to start making it harder now!

“MB, I’m really sorry that I’ve been so high-maintenance about wanting to see and talk to the kids. I know from experience how hectic your lives are and I shouldn’t have put another chore on your full plate. How about this as a compromise: can you share the schedule for NK’s soccer games? Then I can come to maybe two a month and support him and if it’s helpful, you could even drop off the other two and I can take them all out for dinner after. That way I get some built-in time with them in a way that is helpful instead of stressful for you. Does that work?”

[Anonymous]

At this point, you would be making me uncomfortable and I would be less likely to give you time alone with my kids. Bordering on stalker-ish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point, you would be making me uncomfortable and I would be less likely to give you time alone with my kids. Bordering on stalker-ish.

I agree with this...

[Anonymous]

It's over. Move on and stop calling children kiddos!

[Anonymous]

OP here. The mom did contact me & said she was ok with occasional visits. I did stop contact for 3 weeks. In which former mb contacted me.Former MB dose not want me helping out as she prefers visits. As she wants kids to know she can handle work & taking care of kids & home with out my help. I only saw kids 3 times in November. I am only asking to have visit every two weeks. I am having them over for dinner or after school snacks. They take a bus home & live two minute drive from me. I have let former mb know I am always available for date nights. I have moved on with a new family immediately after. It's going great. I work 40 to 47 hours week. I have a big heart & can't just stop loving 3 children I took care of for over 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The mom did contact me & said she was ok with occasional visits. I did stop contact for 3 weeks. In which former mb contacted me.Former MB dose not want me helping out as she prefers visits. As she wants kids to know she can handle work & taking care of kids & home with out my help. I only saw kids 3 times in November. I am only asking to have visit every two weeks. I am having them over for dinner or after school snacks. They take a bus home & live two minute drive from me. I have let former mb know I am always available for date nights. I have moved on with a new family immediately after. It's going great. I work 40 to 47 hours week. I have a big heart & can't just stop loving 3 children I took care of for over 5 years.

Your former employer sounds like a b*tch. I am sorry, OP. What she is doing isn’t good for the children either.