Suspect our nanny driving DD places without permission and lying
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Anonymous
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I suspect, but am not certain and cannot prove, that our nanny is taking 2yo DD places without permission. She is allowed to take DD to the library, zoo, parks, play dates, so long as I know where they are going and the location is near our house. We only very rarely allow her to take DD more than a 5-10 minute drive away.
There have been several incidents that have happened over the last couple months where I suspect, but cannot prove, that she lied about where they were: 1. My mom came from out of town to visit and arrived early, at 4:00 pm. 2yo was supposedly at the library with nanny about 5 minutes away. I texted nanny at 4:00 and again at 4:30, saying hey my mom arrived can you guys come back please? Didn’t hear back until 4:45, nanny says yes we are on the way, but they don’t arrive until 5:30. It’s extremely unusual for nanny not to respond promptly to my texts. I know the time to address this incident was in the moment, but I was embarrassed that it seemed like I didn’t know what was going on and my mom was seeing this so I just pretended it wasn’t alarming. I suspect nanny and DD were not at the library, and instead went somewhere farther away and she was scrambling to get back. 2. The nanny needs to pick up her own kids from a city 90 minutes away on Fridays. They are at a kind of dormitory while they are in vocational school. Nanny has always said that this school is like a jail and only she can sign her kids out. They get out of school at 4:00 On Fridays for the weekend. Nanny normally works until 5:00 on Fridays but I ended up getting off early and texted her saying to come home with DD, she could leave early for the day and beat traffic to go pick up her kids. Nanny claimed DD was having so much fun at the park, she didn’t want to leave. I found this really weird-like aren’t you trying to get off as soon as you can to go get your kids? She didn’t come home until a full hour later. I suspect she took DD and just went and got her kids, and was driving back from that other city when I texted her, but I can’t prove it. I know I need to talk to her, but I’m just not certain of what’s going on. I don’t fully trust her. I feel like I can’t cite these two incidents because I don’t know for sure what happened. Can you help me figure out how to have this conversation? What makes me so frustrated, is if she needs Friday afternoon off, for example, I’ve already told her we will make that work. I just don’t want her thinking she can do whatever she wants and hide it from me. |
Anonymous
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I would be highly suspicious too if I were you OP.
Sounds to me like she may not be being truthful of where she is taking your child which sounds problematic. Could she be running errands? Seeing a boyfriend? Some friends?? I would definitely have a discussion w/her stat to find out where she takes your child. Also - Can you ask your child where they go? How old is your child?? |
Anonymous
DD is 2 so hard to get definitive answers. I suspect errands/friends. She knows we are touchy about driving and would say no if she asked to take DD to these places. She also has worked for us since DD was born so has a sense of our routine and what she can get away with. Both of these incidents happened when there was a change in the routine. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I would be suspicious as well. My advice is to calmly ask her about these incidents and start checking in on her more often. Even just asking about your suspicions will most likely make her stop. |
Anonymous
| Why don’t you just say- nanny when I text you that I’m coming home early and you’re out, I need you to wrap up what you’re doing and be back in 5-10 minutes. This should be doable since you’re close to home. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you found her on a street corner. |
Anonymous
| I’m assuming she drives her own car? |
Anonymous
| I do think the lying is an issue, more the dirving 90 mins to pick up her kids than the other stuff. If she has worked for you for 2 years though why can't she take the kid more than 5-10 mins away? |
Anonymous
| She's obviously not a nanny. |
Anonymous
Op here. We are kinda weird about driving. It’s the most dangerous thing our kid does so we try to minimize it. We also live 10 minutes away from so many parks, the zoo, multiple museums, the gym, etc. I don’t consider it necessary for her to take DD any farther away. We have sometimes allowed it. The thing is, I can’t prove she went 90 minutes away. I think that’s what happened but I don’t know. I’m gong to talk to the nanny today but because I think she’s lying, it’s hard to know if I’m getting anywhere. The maddening part of this is I’ve offered to give nanny Fridays off at 2:00 so she can go get her kids by 4:00. When I offered this she claimed it was unnecessary and acted as if picking up her kids was much more flexible and they could get a ride From a friend. This makes me even more suspicious because she had said in the past that only she could sign them out of their school. I still can’t tel what’s going on, but I suspect she’s putting DD down for her nap at 11:30 and hitting the road, then maybe pulls her kids out early. |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes it’s her car. If it were ours we’d just put a gps tracker on it and find out. |
Anonymous
Op here. I’ll try this. Thank you. |
Anonymous
Op here. I’m going to try this. I don’t want to have to fire her or get confrontational. Maybe just more questions and oversight will solve this. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| Everytime I read threads like this, I become even more thankful for my employers. |
Anonymous
| Small GPS tracker in her diaper bag? |