Suspect our nanny driving DD places without permission and lying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small GPS tracker in her diaper bag?

I would do that but she’s not in diapers anymore and usually the nanny just puts what they need in her own bag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think the lying is an issue, more the dirving 90 mins to pick up her kids than the other stuff. If she has worked for you for 2 years though why can't she take the kid more than 5-10 mins away?

Op here. We are kinda weird about driving. It’s the most dangerous thing our kid does so we try to minimize it. We also live 10 minutes away from so many parks, the zoo, multiple museums, the gym, etc. I don’t consider it necessary for her to take DD any farther away. We have sometimes allowed it.

The thing is, I can’t prove she went 90 minutes away. I think that’s what happened but I don’t know. I’m gong to talk to the nanny today but because I think she’s lying, it’s hard to know if I’m getting anywhere.

The maddening part of this is I’ve offered to give nanny Fridays off at 2:00 so she can go get her kids by 4:00. When I offered this she claimed it was unnecessary and acted as if picking up her kids was much more flexible and they could get a ride From a friend. This makes me even more suspicious because she had said in the past that only she could sign them out of their school. I still can’t tel what’s going on, but I suspect she’s putting DD down for her nap at 11:30 and hitting the road, then maybe pulls her kids out early.

Do you have anxiety issues or trust issues in general? You seem extremely restrictive and although this does NOT excuse her if she is going far, it does explain why she may be lying to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small GPS tracker in her diaper bag?

I would do that but she’s not in diapers anymore and usually the nanny just puts what they need in her own bag

Are you really agreeing that this is a good idea?? BEFORE you have a simple direct conversation with the person that you've entrusted with the care of your child! The nanny is wrong to go against your specific directives but this is not the way to handle that issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everytime I read threads like this, I become even more thankful for my employers.

Every time I read threads like this I am thankful that I am a mature, trustworthy nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think the lying is an issue, more the dirving 90 mins to pick up her kids than the other stuff. If she has worked for you for 2 years though why can't she take the kid more than 5-10 mins away?

Op here. We are kinda weird about driving. It’s the most dangerous thing our kid does so we try to minimize it. We also live 10 minutes away from so many parks, the zoo, multiple museums, the gym, etc. I don’t consider it necessary for her to take DD any farther away. We have sometimes allowed it.

The thing is, I can’t prove she went 90 minutes away. I think that’s what happened but I don’t know. I’m gong to talk to the nanny today but because I think she’s lying, it’s hard to know if I’m getting anywhere.

The maddening part of this is I’ve offered to give nanny Fridays off at 2:00 so she can go get her kids by 4:00. When I offered this she claimed it was unnecessary and acted as if picking up her kids was much more flexible and they could get a ride From a friend. This makes me even more suspicious because she had said in the past that only she could sign them out of their school. I still can’t tel what’s going on, but I suspect she’s putting DD down for her nap at 11:30 and hitting the road, then maybe pulls her kids out early.

What does this mean? You think she is leaving child at home alone (which would be grounds for immediate dismissal)? Or having her sleep in the carseat while she's driving to get her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think the lying is an issue, more the dirving 90 mins to pick up her kids than the other stuff. If she has worked for you for 2 years though why can't she take the kid more than 5-10 mins away?

Op here. We are kinda weird about driving. It’s the most dangerous thing our kid does so we try to minimize it. We also live 10 minutes away from so many parks, the zoo, multiple museums, the gym, etc. I don’t consider it necessary for her to take DD any farther away. We have sometimes allowed it.

The thing is, I can’t prove she went 90 minutes away. I think that’s what happened but I don’t know. I’m gong to talk to the nanny today but because I think she’s lying, it’s hard to know if I’m getting anywhere.

The maddening part of this is I’ve offered to give nanny Fridays off at 2:00 so she can go get her kids by 4:00. When I offered this she claimed it was unnecessary and acted as if picking up her kids was much more flexible and they could get a ride From a friend. This makes me even more suspicious because she had said in the past that only she could sign them out of their school. I still can’t tel what’s going on, but I suspect she’s putting DD down for her nap at 11:30 and hitting the road, then maybe pulls her kids out early.

What does this mean? You think she is leaving child at home alone (which would be grounds for immediate dismissal)? Or having her sleep in the carseat while she's driving to get her kids?

Op here. I think she’s taking my kid with her to go pick up her kids and lying about it. I do not think she would ever leave my DD alone or with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small GPS tracker in her diaper bag?

I would do that but she’s not in diapers anymore and usually the nanny just puts what they need in her own bag

Are you really agreeing that this is a good idea?? BEFORE you have a simple direct conversation with the person that you've entrusted with the care of your child! The nanny is wrong to go against your specific directives but this is not the way to handle that issue.

Op here. That’s the thing-I’ve tried talking to her. I’ve tried to understand her schedule and needs with her own kids and come up with a solution (e.g.-maybe she needs to leave early on Fridays). But when I do this, all of the sudden her answers and timeframes stop making sense and her statements become inconsistent. So I’m left always feeling unsure of what’s really going on. I suspect she is afraid/worried about making me change my schedule to accommodate her, and she doesn’t see the big deal with taking my DD on a 2.5-3 hour drive every week if DD is napping.

[Anonymous]

Just start trying to find a trustworthy professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think the lying is an issue, more the dirving 90 mins to pick up her kids than the other stuff. If she has worked for you for 2 years though why can't she take the kid more than 5-10 mins away?

Op here. We are kinda weird about driving. It’s the most dangerous thing our kid does so we try to minimize it. We also live 10 minutes away from so many parks, the zoo, multiple museums, the gym, etc. I don’t consider it necessary for her to take DD any farther away. We have sometimes allowed it.

The thing is, I can’t prove she went 90 minutes away. I think that’s what happened but I don’t know. I’m gong to talk to the nanny today but because I think she’s lying, it’s hard to know if I’m getting anywhere.

The maddening part of this is I’ve offered to give nanny Fridays off at 2:00 so she can go get her kids by 4:00. When I offered this she claimed it was unnecessary and acted as if picking up her kids was much more flexible and they could get a ride From a friend. This makes me even more suspicious because she had said in the past that only she could sign them out of their school. I still can’t tel what’s going on, but I suspect she’s putting DD down for her nap at 11:30 and hitting the road, then maybe pulls her kids out early.

Do you have anxiety issues or trust issues in general? You seem extremely restrictive and although this does NOT excuse her if she is going far, it does explain why she may be lying to you.

Op here. How is this restrictive? Because I don’t want DD in the car all the time? We live in an urban area. Everything is close by. DD is only 2. I don’t see any need to DD to drive 40 minutes or an hour roundtrip to go to a different tumbling class when where are classes, libraries, museums, parks, all within a 10 minute drive of our house. Why should that be necessary?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are overly restrictive IF you are indeed close to all these things. Because t I do like more freedom in my positions (freedom to find fun activities for the kids). But that is beside the point. Personally, I would NOT talk to
Her about this. I would find out! Come home early on Friday and simply text and ask what they are up to, and then go there! If you suspect she’s lying, she likely is. And if she is, she’ll definitely lie when you ask her. I would do my best to catch her, not have a conversation that allows her to lie to me more and possibly change her routine as to not get caught!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are overly restrictive IF you are indeed close to all these things. Because t I do like more freedom in my positions (freedom to find fun activities for the kids). But that is beside the point. Personally, I would NOT talk to
Her about this. I would find out! Come home early on Friday and simply text and ask what they are up to, and then go there! If you suspect she’s lying, she likely is. And if she is, she’ll definitely lie when you ask her. I would do my best to catch her, not have a conversation that allows her to lie to me more and possibly change her routine as to not get caught!

Op here. I think you’re right. It just makes my stomach hurt because I’m afraid what I’m going to find when I start looking into this. My DD loves her so much and this just feels really hard and sad.

[Anonymous]

One of our 5 simple rules is the kid is not to be more than 5 or so miles away, and that is the nearest shopping mall. Preschool, Gymboree, 6 playgrounds, friends are all about 2 miles one-way.

Reiterate this rule of the house for her. It is too risky to be driving a 2 yo all over the place, or back to her house, or to pick up her teenager miles away. That's BS. She should do her errands and social stuff on her own time.

Leave a list of house rules. go through them with her Monday morning. End by saying this is all very important to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are overly restrictive IF you are indeed close to all these things. Because t I do like more freedom in my positions (freedom to find fun activities for the kids). But that is beside the point. Personally, I would NOT talk to
Her about this. I would find out! Come home early on Friday and simply text and ask what they are up to, and then go there! If you suspect she’s lying, she likely is. And if she is, she’ll definitely lie when you ask her. I would do my best to catch her, not have a conversation that allows her to lie to me more and possibly change her routine as to not get caught!

Op here. I think you’re right. It just makes my stomach hurt because I’m afraid what I’m going to find when I start looking into this. My DD loves her so much and this just feels really hard and sad.

Your stomach shouldn't hurt just because you need to have a conversation with your nanny. You should be talking every day at least once about things. Don't let things pile up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are overly restrictive IF you are indeed close to all these things. Because t I do like more freedom in my positions (freedom to find fun activities for the kids). But that is beside the point. Personally, I would NOT talk to
Her about this. I would find out! Come home early on Friday and simply text and ask what they are up to, and then go there! If you suspect she’s lying, she likely is. And if she is, she’ll definitely lie when you ask her. I would do my best to catch her, not have a conversation that allows her to lie to me more and possibly change her routine as to not get caught!

Op here. I think you’re right. It just makes my stomach hurt because I’m afraid what I’m going to find when I start looking into this. My DD loves her so much and this just feels really hard and sad.

Your stomach shouldn't hurt just because you need to have a conversation with your nanny. You should be talking every day at least once about things. Don't let things pile up.

Op here. It’s not the conversation-we talk every day twice a day. It’s that I feel almost certain she’s lying. When someone is lying/manipulating, it’s hard to ever feelnlike you’re getting anywhere. I’m at the point where I want to just try to catch her. My stomach hurts because I feel pretty sure of what I’ll find.

[Anonymous]

A parent has the right and should know where their child is at all times. If a nanny wants to alter plans, they need to let the parents know. If she is hiding where she is, coming home late, and doing personal things on work time, that is a huge red flag. Why are her kids at boarding school and is this even a boarding school or some type of reform school? It doesn't make sense.